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How can u care for someone and then get bitched at for doing so but when u get enough of being bitched at u don't fuckin care and get bitched at more then get offended and tell u they would be better off dead just to make u feel like shit for trying to be enough even tho I'll never ever be enough and nothing is ever good enough for anyone

I learned that if not for schizophrenia tightening me up as a person it's a shame how crazy I'd still be. Not that schizophrenia is a good thing. It's just the constant scrutiny and pressure from the voices made me fall back and rethink alot of things and ultimately I tidied up my erratic out of control mind because of it. Something about having your every move and thought watched and judged makes you reevaluate yourself. Nothing grows in comfort we all grow in rain. If you wanna be strong you have to throw yourself in pain. Lol I learned that from tiktok. Like I said schizophrenia isn't a good thing because it's demonic oppression from the accuser but you can learn alot in the midst of a storm. As terrible as it was I'm better off because of it. I needed my ego checked. It was out of control. Schizophrenia gave me the self reevaluation I didn't know I needed. Though it was hard having to withstand the forces of evil I did it in the end. To be honest parts of myself needed to be attacked. Attacking me by calling me evil or just pointing out my flaws has a duality behind it. The voices just want you to drown in the fact that your flawed and evil. They mutiplying the weight of your flaws so you drown by constantly empicizing the severity of them. But, by them attacking your flaws they are just drawing them to light they create cracks in your ego and the flaw that has been dragging you further into deep waters is brung to light and it shines through your defenses and it burns brightly to the point you know that it's hurting you. That's why it hurts to see it. When that happens you may sink further because you don't have the means to address the weight / flaw but you have to watch as it burns so brightly for you to see letting you know it's hurting you which gives you a feeling of helplessness. Or you have the means to address the weight / flaw because it's burning so brightly helping you see a way to deal with it. I think even though it hurts for it to burn so brightly I think I will be better off with it coming to light because the longer I see it the longer I can think of how to address it. Just what I learned from having schizophrenia.