I just watched Violet Evergarden movie. I knew the anime was a tearjerker, but for some reason I wasn't prepared for that last 30 minutes. Dang that was so sad.

If you consider communication more important than intelligence, then you would prefer to speak like, "I like your hair! What's wrong with you?", but not like, "The Egyptians believe the most significant thing you could do in your life was dying! Hey I'm about ten seconds from having a meltdown!"

https://youtu.be/w28U-Js6g1Q?si=YZtBeWpCWMTd0BVt https://youtu.be/7-LPZjk1HJA?si=z8ycb7pXLwrcdIg_ https://youtu.be/nwyUoqcrfQQ?si=ag2DxAFqppTujks3

I found that pride, anger, and rebellion take a big hit when you accept Jesus as the author and finisher of faith. I let JESUS write the story now. I don't say it shouldn't be this way no more. I say you write it Jesus. And, honestly I found comfort and peace in that. Along with a reduction to my pride, anger, and rebellion. See my scars had ran to deep into my heart. The scars in my heart from never being able to feel what normal people feel cause I'm a narcissist burned with anguish, rage, and longing. And, instead of lamenting how long oh Lord. I burned with anger, anguish, despair, and rebellion because the unanswered longing hurts. But, it doesn't hurt anymore. Because I accepted that God decides what's best for me and he wrote this story for a reason. So I shall not want. I'm a child of God and that is enough. Yeah it would be nice to feel like normal people. Yeah it would would be nice to not have schizophrenia aka be demonically oppressed. But it's really all good. Jesus can write it anyway he want I'm even ready to get my heart broken that's how much I trust him and how much my pride and control has taken a hit. And, I won't even go why God? Just the way I'm feeling. I know I can always lean on him if it's rough. After all he declared to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future. And, my wounds don't hurt so much because I'm not letting the voices agitate them. I learned they not worth listening to all roads lead to despair. I thought if I let them agitate my wounds I would learn something. What I learned was how blind, angry, and rebellious the pain was making me. Now they don't bother me cause I'm not going for it. I lost all curiosity, intrigue, and familiarity with them. I don't even ask why would God allow this. Yes I'm perplexed but not in despair. Despair is dangerous it's the direct opposite of hope. The more you despair the more intangible hope will feel. It ultimately makes you blind. Maybe that's why God said do not despair. I learnt my scars had blinded me more than they teached me. That's because I let the voices agitate the wounds trying to forcefully learn something but I got lost in the pain. Maybe you can learn from your wounds without agitating them. I had enough despair as character development. I'm steering clear from that from now on. Now I know when I pass through the waters, he will be with me and through the rivers, they shall not overflow me when I walk through the fire, I shall not be burned. I can take life difficulty on the chin now because it's comforting knowing Jesus is in control and his promises are true. When I say Jesus you write the story it brings me so much comfort.