(11:36 PM Sat.) WARNING: VERY LONG MESSAGE MOST LIKELY. I've decided to do a bit of a life update everyone since I have wifi atm. To be honest...it's been a very interesting year so far. I have stated before that there was a thing God called me and my older sisters to do, a thing that has started since 2021– as usual, a walk with the LORD is no easy feat, but why should it be? If Jesus - God in the flesh- also went through hardship, why as His people are we exempt? Anyways, this thing he asked us to do hasn't been easy (I'm sorry that I can't say what it is specifically yet, God still is working on this thing, so I don't want to speak out of turn), and honestly my faith was really shaken at a LOT of points in this walk He had us do. There were spiritual attacks that God has revealed from the people (not you guys) closest to me in my life that hurt a lot more than I thought it would. He's taught me through these trials though how to release these people into His hands fully and to let go of them to start caring about myself more, cause He revealed that with these certain individuals, me continuously allowing them into my life despite repeating offenses was doing more harm to the both of us than good. And in being obedient to the LORD despite my own fears, doubts (that the enemy tried to use to get me to not obey) and anxiety – in choosing obedience rather than sacrifice, we (me and my sisters) have caused a sort of discourse/schism between these people God had us politely confront about the things He revealed unto us. Honestly, everyone, these past three years have been so hard...because just like @gabriel_true said about me in the messages to me thread, I tend to give and give and give...to the point it has drained me. I've felt like a jerk so many times because I actually had to stick up for myself and not let things slide anymore, by God's command, because if it were on my own terms? I'm afraid I'd never tell anyone that I'm tired or in pain, even if it's cause of what they are doing to me, because I know I am a safe space...but God has been teaching me that others see that too and prey on it, which is something I've seen manifest in others as a legit spirit/entity- I wish I was joking, but these things truly aren't a joke. I still have A LOT to learn about learning to talk about my issues. But God continues to be faithful as just this year, sometime in January I believe, God broke a spirit of heaviness/depression off of me through my obedience to write a letter to my oldest sisters as He commanded, and when I did? The weight in my heart immediately ceased and He showed me His love through my sisters caring for me, because during that time I hadn't showered for months cause I didn't love myself enough to. He also showed me care by my mom doing my hair for months because I still couldn't find the strength to do it, and everytime I asked, I was met with her bright smile and a "of course!" Being directed my way. Another reason I struggled heavily is because one of the people God exposed to me is someone I had a dream about before who is really close to me...in this dream they were slowly decaying in front of my eyes and losing their life in front of me everytime they went out. I warned this person about what I saw because they were living an unhealthy lifestyle: partying literally everyday and drinking/getting high, but they stopped...at least for a time. This person has recently gone out again and has pucked up drinking and smoking again- and this time, drugs are coming into play I believe. I don't have solid confirmation myself...but it's a feeling, and this person is literally starting to look the way they did in that dream I was given: unhealthily skinny, tired, unbalanced, not completely there despite them walking around and I feel horrible cause I don't feel as nervous as I would be if this was a younger me looking at this person. Instead, a part of me does feel a little heavy hearted at the state this person is in...yet I find myself oddly peaceful in spite of it all. Even though I know there's nothing I can do to further help this person, cause even in their sobriety they denied my help, them being constantly lost mentally isn't going to suddenly change that. But, I feel peace because God is faithful in all things, and He's reminded me that prayers I've prayed for this person are lingering in the air. Yes, it hurt to let go, but I know they are in God's hands and He's promised that these circumstances are not unto death, but to bring about life. I know there are still plenty of things I don't know, and things that I definitely need to fully surrender before the LORD, but guys, I've seen my Salvation in Christ, and even when it looks like there's no way out, I know enough to know He is The Way, The Truth and The Life. I pray that all of you are able to be encouraged and not fear over your life, but when you've hit your lowest point, the only way to look is up. Please, don't give up. I believe in every single one of you. You are more than what others have spoken or thought about you. You are more than what you think of yourself, for all of you are made in the image of a wonderful Creator, and it has truly been such a pleasure to talk to and encourage all of you when you needed it most. You could never waste my time, any of you, because sharing the love I've been given by God is literally my childhood dream come true. I love you all very, very much. ❤️

Why look for dating if single and happy is peace, money (so much more money) and being a better person. Nobody's gonna complete me if I'm already whole. Dating is at best we just walk through life side by side for a while at worst good bye it was fun. Dating is optional, happiness and peace is not.

1 Peter 1:7 That the trial of your faith (being much more precious than gold that perisheth, though it be tested with fire) might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ. A tested faith is more precious than Gold that perisheth in fire. It's saying if your faith is tested in fire and does not perisheth it is worth more than worldy Gold. This proved faith will bring you and ultimately God praise, glory, and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed. They can't stop a black man who know the game boi. Narcissism and schizophrenia I have so many weak areas that can be exploited yet I still keep faith and fight valiantly with my sword of the spirit and shield of faith. I be bombarded with attacks they know all my weaknesses but still can't make me drop my sword and shield. They hate me boi the voices be saying they gonna cut my head off lol. Like I'm scared lol. I recently came upon some information to that could rock anyone world and faith but I still choose Jesus. That's worth something when you don't turn your back on him. I can purify my faith with that information but I can't trust it to others. Yes my shield of faith has faltered at times and let through some attacks against me and I lost faith in my shield but it wasn't the shield that was the problem it was the shield arm though my defense faltered I wasn't destroyed I was just injured and as a Christian on this battlefield I asked how could I get injured for this God on the battlefield and I began to be filled with resentment for my faith. Nobody wants to get injured we don't want to do battle were weary but then I remembered I do want to be here fighting for my God. It sounds good to fight for him on paper but the moment we get injured we curse his name. Injuries separate the warriors from those who will surrender to there injuries and put down there shields of faith and curse God name instead of cursing the enemy they run away from the battle doubting God's protection and already established victory they want nothing to do with God after they get injured real warriors stay and fight get back up and grab there shield after each injury they choose to trust God again and again and fight through the pain knowing there's a greater purpose behind there suffering they know the shield of faith can't be destroyed they just wasn't putting enough strength into it. You know what I did I put more strength into my faith and the shield reacted against each attack some times slow some times fast your strength is not wasted in battle I learnt from battle how to keep my shield up and firm and parry the enemy attack. Keep putting strength into your shield to meet attacks and with perservance you will keep yourself from getting injured and faltering. It's a righteous battle worth fighting. As a narcissist I never even felt the normal emotions human feel called love I feel like God is far from me and the enemy knows that and they prey upon my anxiety that God is not within me or by my side to help that I'm fighting a pointless battle that I'm doomed to lose yet I still raise my sword in the name of Christ knowing I'm am not forgotten that my sufferings and injuries aren't for not. The battle was already won by Christ so I should be fighting from a place of victory giving all my anxieties about defeat to Christ and putting more strength into my sword and shield. And, letting his perfect righteous protect me with the breastplate of righteousness that protects the heart from satan accusations. Edit: The shield of faith understanding just came to me while writing. I don't have much understanding of the sword of the spirit if anybody wanna jump in be my guest. I could mull it over but I'm comfortable just digesting this first. The helmet of salvation is crucial though. They try to make you think you battling for nothing so you falter. Maybe I'll talk more about the Armor of God when I get more understanding. All the pieces are important I have something to think about. Twas fun. If anyone wants to correct my understanding of the shield of faith be my guest. Here's a banger for all the soldiers out there. https://youtu.be/IR5_rTCi-Bo?is=DISspRacml2sDVWL Edit: Just got done listening to a pastor. I realized I'm putting myself on a pedestal by thinking my blackness is leading me to victory or my strength leading me to victory it is ultimately Christ strength who has already won the battle giving us strength. I know I owe the victory to Christ but I just caught the superiority complex from being black as if the victory is partially owed to it. Sorry I'm foolish. I'm still learning. I would be nothing without Christ. The victory doesn't come from blackness. The victory doesn't come from your own strength. The victory was won by Christ and our strength comes from Christ. Every color person can be strengthen like I have to do exceedingly more than I have. I owe all my victorys to Christ he's the reason I keep getting up. It's not about color it's about Christ within us who strengthens all to do great things. Though I was trying to understand the shield of faith I may have been arrogant in my understanding. It is a collaborative effort of us trying our best and God strengthening us more than we will ever know or understand. I still got some learning to do. Especially when it comes to being humble. Glad I tuned in to that pastor. If anybody has something to add be my guest. I can finally drop the whole my fighting strength comes from being black complex. Good riddance. Shit was blinding me. I was wrong my strength comes from Christ. To him I owe gratitude not to the color of my skin. He placed that dog in everyone. All that superiority stuff divides us so it feels good to come back down to earth. Anyway, now that I kinda understood the shield of faith my defense has become more robust. I now know I'm gonna get injured in the line of duty. I expect it now. I'm not confused why am I getting hurt. I just let the pain the voices cause pass over me like air. Because I refuse to let a injury define my love for God. My shield has gotten firmer and hurt is expected and I don't panic I accept the hurt and move forward thanks to the love and strength of god. I don't run from a fight and I don't go looking for a fight but I fight if I must ready and unweary.

I created a hypothetical situation with Chat GPT. I asked what would happen if two beams from two different pulsars collided perfectly, an event that would be so incredibly rare that there are no observable instances of this. Through a lot of thought it was theorized that the pulsars would create something similar to a nebula, except that it would be made with nothing but pure hot plasma energy. Looking at this from the surface of a planet with sunglasses, you would see a lot of flickering and blinking while your body is wracked with x-ray radiation pulses. You would get sick an nauseated within minutes, but you could survive underground.

Today I took the day off. To relax? No. I have to renew my driver's safety certificate with State Farm because it expires after a only few years. State farm believes all their drivers have the memory of a goldfish. It is 6 hours of the most insufferable, un-skippable, brain dead common sense content. Not only that, it's the same exact videos and content that they made in 2010. Not only do you have to watch old people get into and out of cars telling the camera they don't know what a "twitter" is, AARP insults you by playing back the same video clip multiple times.

Lilith and the Knight is dope. How did you come across this artist? @piccologirlie https://youtu.be/AOV4gOMx-qw?is=1jiKBCjKw8cah-CC

Loving someone who hates you may sound impossible but it can happen to anyone, anytime. When supporting their relationship, they hate on yours. When asking about their day, they don’t ask about yours. When being there for them, they’re never there for you. Having to face the truth and finding out the person you “love” actually hates you is heartbreaking. Having to rethink all the time they wasted on that person is truly stressful. And the worse part. They’ve become attached to the person. So attached that they can’t forget them.