Came close a couple times. Usually things would fall apart pretty quickly. Lot of the time it's just out of the blue, nothing changes but they decide to ghost me. Other times there was just 'something' missing and we just wouldn't click. Once though, I had one that lasted a couple years but we never met up in person. Didn't seem like we were going to be meeting up any time soon either, which really soured the relationship as it went on. It started nice enough, and I was glad for a short time to have someone. I wanted to do anything and everything I could to make her happy, spoil her rotten to the best of my abilities too. Heck she even said she hit the jackpot with me. Unfortunately she had a pretty crappy home life, and because of it got more and more nasty as things went on. It didn't take long to realize we weren't even in a real relationship, at some point I became her personal therapist while paying out the butt for the privilege. Didn't help I asked her once to only say she loved me if she really meant it, so she never said it again. What was really frustrating was I knew all too well this was as good as it was ever going to get. I had a lot of bad luck before her, and even worse luck after that. That alone made me want to stick it out, but it was a terrible place to be in. I wanted to be as supportive as I could, but it's hard when the other person doesn't care. I tried breaking things off with her, only for her to talk me out of it, then do it herself not long later. We tried being friends but she ghosted me a few months later, right when I needed someone the most in fact. A year later she gets back in touch, we chat for a bit, but as soon as I mention I'm single she ghosts me again and I haven't heard from her since. I did meet up with someone from this site once though. We became friends, and had lunch once. We never got together though because while I think she was interested in me, she blew off our first plans to meet up after getting drunk and banging her friend, and then went into details about some other guys she got busy with. Call me weird, but that's not exactly the sort of thing I want to hear/know about from someone interested in me. Funny enough, something like that happened with another girl from this site that was chasing after me. We lived really near by, and were making plans to meet up, next thing I know she's telling me all about the guy she just slept with. Didn't hear from her again after that. Really good artist too, kept a photo she drew on my page. All in all I don't exactly have high hopes of things working out with anyone from here, especially not these days. Just doesn't seem like it's meant to be.

Some stuff to look out for might be a change in behavior and making excuses to avoid you. Things like staying out late with friends or working late all the time. unexplained expenses, coming home smelling weird, and so on.

I said I would stop talking about sensitive topics because I now understand boundaries and the sacredness of others. I would ask if it's ok to preach the gospel here and share what I learned. But, I have a feeling i'm not a liked messenger. The realizations I have just to good to keep to myself. I would like to share them but I don't want to cross any boundaries. I listen to bk pastor every morning on tiktok he said he gonna call me about a question I had. I'm gonna ask him if I'm doing the right thing by sharing the gospel with strangers when they didn't ask for it. I understand and acknowledge that I like sharing the word of God and what I learned with others. Maybe that will blossom one day and I will blossom as a christian and I will be sharing the gospel and what I learned with people who want to hear it. I don't know what that will look like. But, I know God has a plan for me I just don't know what it is. I know I want to help people and other narcissists and other schizophrenics find God and share what I learned during spiritual warfare. This may not be the platform for it. And, I may be to inexperienced at connecting with people. Also, my faith is not mature. I may not reflect Christ in my writing. It's gonna be hard to keep my mouth shut. But, I know there will be a time and a place to share what I know if I keep following God.

Darius the Conqueror was such a great hack https://youtu.be/xCW6rHJwkRg?si=cvoDWwf68Dpodu5b https://youtu.be/Bk1k-aK8ifs?si=61W9SwfrSJV45h2z

I just understood boundaries for the first time thanks to the word sacred. I won't be posting about sensitive topics anymore. I feel I may be crossing boundaries and making people uncomfortable. Sorry I'm a narcissist I didn't know. No one told me so I can learn what not to do. Thinking as others as sacred helped me realize I don't want to be like those other narcissists. I'm truly sorry it won't happen again. Sorry I'm so dense and insensitive. Please forgive my transgressions. I'm no better than the people I despise. I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize the error of my ways. Lord forgive me. Edit: And, to the guys sorry if my ramblings scared the females away. Truly, thank you all for putting up with me I learned so much being able to express myself honestly while also learning about others. I don't know how to repay you all and this space. This new sensitivity for what is sacred is opening doors.

They manipulate the odds in there favor while everyone blames the victims for being the problem. Smh. They view the victims as the enemy not as the manipulated. They been doing it for a long time and I'm sick of it. Manipulating people and then saying they the problem. This runs deep in America's blood and has been a go to stragerty for years. Manipulate and take no accountability become intangible to there accusations and then blame the victim for the damage done. It happens over and over again. That's why I had to get smart. Because intelligence gaps do exist. They say it's racist to think certain people are less smarter than others. But, I know what type of timing we on it's elite deception most people can't handle that. Yet they blame the victims for being low IQ rather than blame the manipulators for badly influencing there sacred and vulnerable growth paths. They bash the unknowing victim of manipulation but spare there wrath on those manipulating. I guess they just want a problem they size they can beat on because the manipulators stay intangible. But, there victims still are problems. Smh this shit is getting old. They can never influence me to grow within there lines of thought cause I know that's how they control. I know what timing I'm supposed to be on. Edit: They never respected the vulnerability in our intelligence and the sacredness of our potential growth paths. They rather have everyone think they are smarter and better than each other while they manipulate your growth paths. Everyone is a victim and our potential for growth was manipulated. Smh. I don't play there games. I expose them. Edit: But pay no attention to my ramblings I'm a narcissist. I respect others sacredness and potential. And hate when it's trampled on.

The Case Study of Vanitas, while not strictly a romance show, has very sweet elements to it. Insomniacs After school

I think I've watched more videos talking about books rather than reading them lmao https://youtu.be/0BwRauAB6Zc?si=syhiD5gSeLg4n9ao https://youtu.be/Jw59D7hZATw?si=6LGWwDh_VCd59YnN https://youtu.be/chzLA4lnMSs?si=bsxH_wG8GHJsw3B3

@triforcer Do you try to watch subs without pausing to read them? I personally can’t keep up with subs while also paying attention to all the stuff going on in the scene. And I hate it when the subs go by faster than I can read and missing bits of the conversation. So I watch on my phone or PC and pause as often as I need to. Which in some cases is quite frequently. Doing that would probably be a lot less taxing on you.

https://youtu.be/b-IGovlaZyw?si=c1gYXbs1EN_gAc1L https://youtu.be/7HE2gik_dDw?si=NwXd6Gc5qAifeeWR