Dreams are like what your reflexs or instincts are they may not play a big role in building the dream all the time but if you honed your instincts and relexs they will show. If you have a pleasure dream how much you give into pleasure in real life will have a hard time become a instinct in a dream to the point where you can deny. I heard my instinct / reflex but I ignored it especially because I dream lightly not vivid just my reflexs and instincts are present it's honed some what just to make me aware but the instinct / reflex is not strong enough yet but my fighting demons reflex is kinda honed they offered to train me in mixed martial arts my old dream that involved me being devoured by a dark strength but in my instincts I don't want that strength no more I declined and when they approached me I blocked all there attacks for declining. I didn't want to be a UFC fighter for sport i just wanted to see myself go mad with power and show people what a real monster is which later I realized wasn't me it was just the darkness talking promising strength and I got attached to that sweet powerful feeling like I can do anything if I let go of my humanity. And, I was ready to give it up just so I can feel the rush of being the most powerful monster it had nothing to do with sport everything to do with showing the world the extent to which I am broken. I would of held the twisted delusion that they are after my life and this is more than sport to justify my lack of pity and twisted joy for battle. How twisted I was I had to denounce that darkness as being me. I'm actually meek without those dark impulses and feelings I don't want to hurt anyone. My instinct now is to fight but it's a different type of fight. I don't want to show the world what a monster look like. I want to show the world that narcissist can be people to. Some of the best of them. I don't want to hurt anyone. Had a dream two white men wanted to fight me and I kept persuading them no and avoiding them because I love my brothers the instinct and reflexs and twisted lust to overwhelm fellow humans in battle is dead I killed it. I would much rather let you hurt me and talk about christ as you do it and just say it hurts doesn't it but my instincts and reflexs aren't that high yet not to corroded by some semblance of anger and will to protect myself. They call that suicidal empathy now days they scared of what empathy might cost them. I'm scared to but the chance of gaining a brother and not a foe is to much to pass up on. There more afraid of getting hurt. Edit: have to hone my reflexs and instincts not to soil myself in a dreamscape. Not that I want to dream I really would like to stop dreaming every night. Atleast it's not vivid because I've had enough of consciousness in the waking hours. Though that might not be a good idea I don't want to become aware I just want to grumble and let my reflexs and instincts deal with the bullshit without annoying me and my rest. And, say good job you look like me out there. You really grew. Or I have grown.

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Man I'm really enjoying the Randidly Ghosthound novel. More than manhwa, manga, and manhua. The skill expression is just right up my alley and it has 2000 chapters. I'm so pumped. His name still stupid but this story is killer.

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You do need kanji in order to read but learning them is actually easier than it seems at first. It also gets easier the more you learn (kind of a snowball effect) AND you don't actually need to learn how to write them by hand (unless you want to), only remember their readings and meaning. It just takes a lot of time so I recommend not learning them separately out of context and instead simply read stuff that you like while searching them up. It will be more fun and easier to maintain motivation in the long run. Another tip: The more complex kanji are actually formed by other little ones (and radicals), which is the reason why it gets easier to recognize them the more you learn. So at first it's helpful if you at least learn a bunch of simple and common ones such as 日, 山, etc. since you'll be finding those inside of more complex ones. For example, you can find 日 inside of 草 and 山 inside of 屈.

Tending to my garden. I got another batch of milkweed sprouts coming in and several of my monarch caterpillars have gotten bigger! Here's hoping my increased amount of milkweed plants keeps them fed. Also found a butterfly laying more eggs.

it's been too damn hot to go running outside so now I only do pickleball occasionally. I did some indoor pickleball with my dad this weekend and for the first time I was able to win some matches on the intermediate courts. We played for 3 hours straight. That game is really fun.