I’m honing in on pride thanks to listening to my pastor every morning. There has to be less of me and more of God—less of my way and more of God’s way. When I look at my fight as a narcissist and someone who struggles with schizophrenia, I sometimes find myself asking, “God, why haven’t you acknowledged what I’ve done?” I see that I have more awareness than a narcissist is supposed to have. I try to be vulnerable and completely honest in my reflections in search of truth. I even rely on God’s word when I reflect or write. I’ve learned that I can validate my heart, and I’ve learned to stop my primitive instincts to defend myself. I no longer try to control people, and I no longer need validation if it’s not God’s validation. You knew how blind I was when I first discovered I was a narcissist. I was ruled by impulses that were outside of my awareness. Over time, I’ve even learned to discern the tricks of the schizophrenic voices. Personally, I feel like I’ve come a long way. I’ve even made my girlfriend happy to the point of tears. For a long time I wondered when God would acknowledge my effort. But today I realized that while I have worked hard to grow and change, every good thing in my life is still a gift from God. My effort matters, but the strength and opportunity behind it come from Him. Humility recognizes that every blessing, every success, every outcome, and every reward ultimately comes from God. James 1:17 — “Every good and perfect gift is from above.” I understand now that part of being refined is learning not to take pride in what should belong to God. The glory was always His, not mine. 2 Corinthians 12:9–10 — “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. Weakness was meant to humble us so that we rely on God’s strength. John 15:5 says, “I am the vine, ye are the branches. He that abideth in Me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without Me ye can do nothing.” I did the opposite of being humble. I became more proud of my strength the more hardships I had been through, as if my strength produced the fruit, when apart from God we can do nothing. I felt more and more deserving of glory as time went on. I just wanted to be a good and strong soldier and be acknowledged by God. I wanted Him to see and acknowledge my effort in some way. But that would have kept me prideful. Zechariah 4:6 says, “Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the Lord unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord of hosts.” I thought my might and power would be recognized and that’s how my spiritual tasks would be completed. But it’s not by might or power—it’s by the Spirit. And even the strength I thought I had was never my own; it was by His Spirit. So now I return the glory back to Jesus where it rightly belongs. There has to be less of me and more of Jesus—His way, not my way. I hope and pray I continue to be humbled before the Lord. I still want to be a good and strong soldier; I just know now where the strength comes from. I no longer have pride in my successes. I now have gratitude for the One who carried me to them.

I imagine I look a bit awkward listening to music sometimes. I'm a maladaptive daydreamer, so it's easy to get lost in the scenarios I make up inside my head.

https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExd2dta2IzNThwcThqMno3MHVnYXRhNnBscjBhMGg5Nmxxand5bW05NSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/eBCnpuRGBhQGY/giphy.gif

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuEOymnT8TU Kizuite. I'm here waiting for you. Ima to wa chigau mirai ga attemo. I'm here waiting for you. Sakebi tsuzukete. Kitto kokoro wa tsunagu ito wo tagutteru. Ano koro no watashi me wo samasu you ni. No need to cry.

Some things in life are just gonna be one sided and thats okay. I think expecting anything in the same environment is just going to lead to repetated failure if it involves someone.

That sounds like an incredibly busy day, but I hope the wedding was really fun at least? I've never been to one myself. I've attended more funerals than weddings tbh XD. But, at least you managed to get it done...even if it was incredibly late into the night.

Irish Lilting, I love it: https://youtube.com/shorts/Y55U1YgYRHI?si=I2R7s8T3PyLi8jJx

Happy Super MAR10 Day! https://youtube.com/shorts/zlNxffBRJtI?si=OEIAqUwyTcPKHk2e

I own the official sampler album of all Excelsior Eco-Voyage albums. These are the only ones I found on YouTube. https://youtu.be/XfD4jj-K8tA?si=wkYMWKsaAUrbutGC https://youtu.be/91Gqe2vZF0A?si=JRR3Xo1pAH5ouRvl

Easygoing Territory Defense by the Optimistic Lord. It has 9 episodes so far. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lgT3jToqOI