willworkforisekai

Absolute Regression Chronicles of a Doomed Prodigy

My gf vented her emotions to me and I told her my nature because I didn't know how to deal with her venting I was scared. Yet she held me accountable even though I told her my nature. I'm glad she didn't back off and made me feel the pressure and uncomfortability of being responsible for how someone is feeling. I needed that uncomfortability and pressure to break me and it did. I learned more about love after my ways could no longer stand in her light / logic. I learn so much being with her she's such a great influence. God sent a Great Warrior to tear the stone around my heart to pieces so that I may know what love is. I won't hurt your warrior. My nature is steadily dying in her presence. She made me realize I'm not putting my whole heart into this cause I'm scared of the weight. But, I understand now what it feels like with the weight I've adjusted. Thank you God for the opportunity to learn more about love and care for my partner better. She truly is perfect for me. She's so smart, patient, trusting, understanding, and not afraid of me we can definitely do this. She's my other half. I know you got us God. I can't wait to learn more my God. I know I need more pressure and uncomfortability but at the same time I hate when it's at my door. But, I'm always greatful afterwards because I come out so much better because of it. Thank you God for constantly breaking me so I can become something new. I'm amazed at what your turning me into. I know if I never give up and stay focused on Jesus even narcissism will fall. I'm already seeing the end after fighting for 5+ years. I feel proud of myself when I experience all the things they say we will never experience. When I do the things they say we will never do. And, that's all because of you my God. Thank you. I can't believe I'm being introduced to what it's like to carry the weight of love. I'm liking it. It is scary though because I can't drop it if I'm tired that's how important it is. Realizing my involvement in something so important shakes me up a bit. Changes me perspective from idk if I can carry this to I must carry this. I can't go back to being uninvolved. Cause the truth is I was always involved whether I felt it or not. Now I feel it I can't just drop it now. I'm aware so I will be learning to carry more and more. For all the people I love, myself, and God Edit: After contemplating more I realized I didn't want to be responsible for how my gf was feeling because that meant I'd have to change myself. It's hard to change myself as a narcissist. It's disgusting how I tried to get her to lower her expectations of me in her time of need. I had no idea my judgment can become so clouded as long as it protects me from responsibility / weight of love. Until she broke down my selfish logic with her loving intelligence and made me feel the weight I tried to run from. I never would of known how deeply I protect myself from feeling the weight of love if not for her. I think they call it emotional availability. But, atleast I get it now so I can do better. We live and learn. For people like me it's a long journey. But, I think I'm getting closer to the end.