willworkforisekai

Sorry I'm back. Hope my presence can be tolerated. 1 Peter 4:1-2 CEV [1] Christ suffered here on earth. Now you must be ready to suffer as he did, because suffering shows that you have stopped sinning. [2] It means you have turned from your own desires and want to obey God for the rest of your life. As a narcissist I always was vividly aware of the fact that it hurts to go against my nature. But, I never knew why. This verse finally help me put two and two together. It's suppose to hurt. If it hurts that means your doing good and on the right track. The deterent of suffering when going against my nature loses some of it's impact if you know that you are in alignment with God by suffering. I'm use to alleviating that suffering until I found out just now that it aligns me with God. It just means I'm done with sin. Now I have a reason to weather the storm. It's a ray of sunshine where before I would just feel like shit from suffering. But, now that I know the suffering from going against my nature is good. I can feel good about myself in the mist of suffering. Maybe this will help me dampen the impact of suffering enough to withstand it. Being aligned with God sounds kinda nice. I'm thinking so. But, I'm just a narcissist a fraud. This may or may not help me. But, my chances go up knowing why it hurts to go against my nature. Now that I understand. I'd be confused if it didn't hurt I am a narcissist after all. Honestly it's a huge moral and motivation boost. I never thought I'd be this close to understanding how to take heart in the mist of suffering. I look forward to practicing it. Though I have a track record of letting precious information go to waste. Aligning with God sounds pretty motivating and tight. It should be I'm thinking. If not I can survive off small changes they add up big time. Then I can work out my next breakthrough with God and wait on it and try to get more of his word in the forms I enjoy for inspiration. I'm not perfect and won't pretend to be I will fall short. But, there is power in his word. I found the strength in his word. It gave me a fire within to go against my nature and take on that suffering but it's a small fire. Can't cap it might dimmen and flicker in the face of suffering. But, as long as I keep feeding it one day it will be a strong flame that gives me strength to weather any storm that I believe. I believe one day even a narcissist like me will have a strong reliable spirit. As long as I never give up. Inch by inch. Just wanted to share what I learned forgive me for being what I am and having the nerve to talk about God. Forgive this fraud this sinner Lord Jesus

I will be leaving this site. I'm a narcissist my energy doesn't deserve to be next to normal people. I hope everyone stays well. Thanks for the safe space and for interacting with me. It meant alot. I can't take being a fraud in this world no more.