This reflects the quiet chaos of mental state right lately: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTfJLWKoU_M

WATCH ME PLAY DAMN IT!!! I DONE FINALLY DECIDED TO STREAM YOU BETTER WATCH ME!!!! Twitch.tv/Qimozabi

Been having everyone around me irl lately asking me “why are you still not satisfied with how you look? You lost the weight so you can stop” and that I’m getting too skinny. However, to me I know there’s more to go with another stage of transformation for me. My skin still feels like dough signaling there is fat clinging to the excess skin still so it won’t fall flat yet. Seen people go from that awkward stage to the next level completely getting shredded going into their second year of weight lifting. I’m almost to a year and a half in October. I cranked down the number of workouts but upped the weights counting every single rep or macros I eat in my notes. This is the most vital time for me to reach that state. I know I will be there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMWm3Ia9m_4 This was always fun to wake up to. XD It was either this, the Shirley Temple collection, or the George Lopez intro.

Just had a breakthrough. I finally stopped letting my emotions dictate how I feel about God. I isolated the feelings and I told them idc how you feel about God or the situation you are not the judge of my God. Honestly got me and God f'd up. Even if he doesn't grant my request for a heart of flesh or makes me wait and wait and wait with that strong insane hurting feeling yeah I'm talking to you I tell that feeling to get off of God throne he is in charge hush your resentment about the situation personally I'll hear or partake in none of it. I trust God. What's meant for me is meant for me what is not is not. It's as the Lord wills it. I hurt deeply but my hurt doesn't get the final say about God. Edit: I feel stupid for trusting him don't care I feel hurt by him don't care I feel let down by him don't care I feel deceived by him don't care. I really don't care what these emotions have to say about God I'm a soldier and it seems I have acquired some backbone thanks to Jesus. Just like a soldier who must complete a mission you can't let emotions cloud your judgment and make you abandon the mission or fight like your heart and mind not in it. I'm not kicking emotions out of my life just off God's throne.

Please don't take your hearts for granted. I wish I could experience what everyone experience. https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTZjMDliOTUybTV0YjQ1bmVzcnZuYzV6dTJjZWdibnFhYzI1ODY5bXFnYTlmMnFmdyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/05njtoxU99m9g3lus9/giphy.gif