There’s a big difference between being prejudice and being racist. They aren’t the same. Using the right word does matter. Otherwise you’re devaluing the true meaning of the word. And even though it’s a real issue of prejudice, people who think it’s obviously not an actual race issue will blow it and you off as being full of it. “I’m not racist. If you call me racist, I won’t acknowledge anything you say or any point you make. Why should I, you’re slandering me and calling me a racist.” It’s causes that kind of mentality.

https://youtu.be/ooguQWAcpQ0?si=xojJqXwfouds_lmm https://youtu.be/Tb9fkGCCV1o?si=A5dXWjXZFQCzEya7 These two songs. Faced with the world telling me it's impossible for a narcissist to change. I'm moving like it is and I'm getting higher and closer to my dreams. With God all things are possible.

Still getting in tune with my heart. This shit is so much fun. They let the wrong one discover validation of the self and heart. I realize I don't have to ask for permission from others or the voices to shine. I use to think I had to watch how I shine because it's dangerous. I thought it was dangerous to others I don't care if it's dangerous to myself. But, God says let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. That's all the permission I need. God also says the wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as a lion. I'm not fleeing I'm right here whether is dangerous or not to spread light. I know how powerful the God I serve is. The voices always try to make my shine / light seem like darkness. They threaten me like I'm doing something wrong. They act like I'm committing atrocities by sharing what I think is light. Making me second guess myself as harmful. The jig is up they just trying to protect the darkness. That's why they want me to believe what I'm doing is wrong. They want me slowed by there judgement of me but I realize they are not good judges they work on behalf of the deceiver and the accuser. There deception may have worked for a little while. But, the rewards of faith have come in and I have received discernment. The devil says who gave you permission to shine light? Jesus did. Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life. I know the voices have been trying they best to not let me see my heart. But, I see it now. The voices try to invalidate what's in my heart as evil. Because they afraid of the light. So they try to dim it with whatever deception and accusation they can come up with. But, the jig is up. I know they just protecting the secrecy of darkness. They don't want others to shedding light on it. They want it to remain secret and in control. Lord equip me with the full armor of God and cover me in your rightoues blood so that I can stand against the schemes of the devil. I realize others don't want to see the light but that doesn't mean I must stop my shine because the world is filled with darkness. The voices say I ain't got no heart in me. I have a heart and I'm listening to it rather than to them. They want to invalidate my heart capabilities because I know and they know I'm a narcissist. But, I know it's capable. God sure knows how to reward I'm so thankful for such gifts. I am unworthy. You already gave us the greatest gift that is Jesus Christ. Thank you so much Father. All Glory be to the Father and Jesus I can not walk this walk alone. Edit: Ok now that I got that out of my system I must remember... The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I must continue to pratice discernment and make sure this heart validation doesn’t go to my head and turn grandiose. This is new to me I'm flawed I must slow down. I can not turn my validation into another mask of perfection and Armor myself against being in the wrong. Just because I have validated that there is good in my heart doesn't mean it's without fault. There's good in me and there are faults so I have to move wisely. And, seek divine wisdom from God rather than my own intuition. Forgive me Lord if I shouldn't of spoke about this.

At your lowest you find out who you truly are.

I miss the cats in the philippines there was so many of them and they were so friendly. I should of played with them more.

@gabriel_true Day 135: Mom washed my hair in the sink and I got in the shower afterwards, it stayed nice and warm throughout, so yay for me! I wasn't cold and miserable. Now I'll be nice and clean for our Birthday tomorrow – gosh, I really can't wait to go to the buffet for breakfast, they have great breakfast foods there. I can't believe my baby brother is turning the big 16 though (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ). I remember his first Birthday, you know? He had a cute king's crown with a 1 on it and was wearing a little wunzi. I remember his little smile when he looked at me after our mom brought him downstairs to look at the decorations, he extended his arms when seeing me and I gave him a hug while wishing him a very Happy Birthday – I think I'm gonna cry! Why is he so big now? He's reaching 6'0 even and has a growing beard/mustache, his face is still youthful (he looks like a teen/kid) but his jawline is squaring out instead of being round and chubby!!! (o̴̶̷᷄ ᯅ o̴̶̷̥᷅) Seeing him grow up has got to be one of THE most distressing thing to witness...yet very rewarding, he's just my little buddy still, no matter how old he gets I'll still hug, kiss and coo at him annoyingly when he does something cute. I'm genuinely about to cry now, so I need to shut up lol. - It's Officially Our Birthday Now, Woohoo! : Birthday Mommy