(1:59 AM Sun.) I was randomly thinking while I was standing in my kitchen about what I would write if I published childrens books. I mean, there's so many cute or silly stories you could do, but I really love teaching kids about more serious topics just put in a kid-friendly way. So, with that thought it mind I began to imagine a story of a little Castor Bean (where you get castor oil from). It would be a bean with cute/silly looking googly eyes drawn on it or something to really make it interesting for kids, but for those who may not know, Castor Beans have a high chance to be very dangerous to humans and animals. It contains a substance in it called Ricin, and that substance can be highly toxic and poisonous to those that don't know how to handle it properly, which bring me to the point of my story. The point of my Castor Bean story was how this little bean has been tossed around from person to person, all the wrong people at that, who always mishandled it, mistreated it or told the bean what it was based on how they perceived it due to their mishandling of it, so when (in it's defense) the little bean secreted poison and toxins, the people mishandling it threw it aside and told the Castor Bean that it was a bad one. But, along the way in the story, the Castor Bean runs into a kind herbalist, probably an older man/woman that immediately recognizes the bean for what it is and the healing properties it holds, which starts the next chapter on this herbalist showing the bean what it IS and COULD be, rather than simply telling it what it is as if it's law. Along the way, the Castor Bean moves from the herbalist to many different kinds of people, some of these people very kind but not as knowledgeable of the bean as the herbalist was, but the point of these other people is: they are willing to get to know the bean first before making preconceived notions about it. The point of the story is about many different things: how sometimes people like to tell you what you are rather than trying to show you who you could be (they never cherish the good you have, they only want to see the negative); how even though you may run into very bad people, if you allow yourself to remain open to it (the bean wasn't insistent on seeing just the bad in others because their circumstances sometimes did show them bad) you can see the good around you; it teaches that hanging around the right people grows/challenges you in ways you never expected, and that there is good and bad inside everyone. Even the Castor Bean itself still DID have the potential/means to harm others, but when the bad is all that is nurtured, that's the fruit you will see, and when the good tends to be nurtured in someone, they are more likely to do good as well. Of course that's a rough draft of the idea, it would be fleshed out more if I ever wrote a kids book, but remember to nurture the good inside yourself as well! Yes, there absolutely is/can be people in your life that positively impact you, but don't just count on them to be/do good, do it yourself so that it's not just done out of obligation, but love. ❤️

Finished watching the final episode of Gnosia tonight. Even with this season being stacked with good stuff, I have a feeling this will be like a top 3 pick for me easily.

According to Google Resident evil 9 cost 40-60 millon dollars and they made 5,000,000 sales in the first 5 days. It sold for 70 so they made 350,000,000 in a week(god knows how much theyll make in the end). Fucking crazy man but it was worth it

@gabriel_true Day 149: Who knew pickles on a pizza would taste good? But it does. Speaking of pizza, guess what we had again for dinner tonight? Sausage! I'm joking, we obviously ate pizza, it was delicious. I had our mom divide mine into quadrants: so one section was barbecue chicken, another chicken alfredo, another pickles and the last good ol' pepperoni. I was very satisfied eating pizza tonight, it's my favorite food! https://youtu.be/jEUJTo6-stg?si=ywwQWQ2f6T9eFiqx - I Typed Your Name As Gabriel_Pizza Because That's All That Was On My Mind: Pizza Angel

Oshi no Ko S3 I had been saving this one to binge watch. The previous seasons were all really good. But alas, I got too bored and thought I'd sneak in an episode this morning... Now I'm on episode 5... I really didn't see that twist coming. I should have waited for the rest.

The I’m stuck mentality. The thought that it can’t be helped. It’s the biggest thing stopping people from rising above their situation. But you don’t know what you don’t know. It can be easier to move and start over somewhere else than you might think. But if you haven’t been taught how, you would never know it. Personally speaking, it’s doing things I’ve never done and don’t know about. That’s the single biggest driver of my anxiety. Sometimes to the point of it being crippling. So I understand the feeling of moving to escape your situation feeling overwhelming or impossible. I can’t tell you how many times I was struggling with anxiety over something I needed to do and wished someone would help me get past this one thing. But other people aren’t going to do it for you. If you’re willing to reach and climb up yourself, people will more often give you a hand. But they can’t and won’t carry you… Don’t let appearance fool you, they’re all struggling themselves.

Yesterday developers at my work were showing demos of their AI experimentation and a senior developer was showing off how he was messing around with Claude AI plugin for Excel. It was a data spreadsheet of a game in development. He gave a few prompts. It spit out a literal PowerPoint presentation summarizing the data with charts, bars and graphs. He gave it a few more prompts. It ran an actual simulated game in command prompt. Then he had it create an instruction guide on everything it did. My mouth was agape. https://wp-media.patheos.com/blogs/sites/971/2017/11/gypst.jpg

I'm gonna try surrendering as best as I know how. God said not by might nor by power but by the spirit. I have the spiritual task to love people. But, the mountain of self won't move. I have people waiting on me to get better. I accept I can't move this mountain. So I'm trusting God to move it because I know he can. Jesus tells his disciples, "For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you. The spiritual task to love others feels impossible with my own strength. This mountain called narcissism is in my way. I hack at the mountain and move pieces at a time but I'm tired of hacking away at this mountain with my own strength. I need help. I try to tunnel through the mountain to meet others needs some times I make it sometimes the weight of the mountain collapses my path and the rocks become harder almost like the moutain is my heart... stone always blocking my path. I need this mountain of self & narcissism to move. God says I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh". I'm tired of dealing with stubborn stones. I can't wait any longer I'm tired how hard the stone is. I need help so I'm finally gonna try my hardest to surrender to God people are waiting on me. Stone is resistant to change. Instead of using all my strength to make a path everytime I trust God will move the whole mountain. Somethings deeply wrong with me and I don't think I can fix it with might and power I think it's only by his spirit. Lord have mercy on me. I need that heart of flesh that changes.