I return to this every now and then. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dgt1QcfivRg

https://i.ibb.co/xtX7WsKM/nijika.png So I wanted to have fun taking Nijika from Bocchi the Rock and re-imagine her character if she was a major idol and hit it big. During the whole anime, she is just the background drummer supporting character. Nijika has a big bow tie on a T shirt and some suspender straps going over it. I'm no fashion expert, but oof. https://i.ibb.co/C3QqXmtf/screenshot.png Lets jump some years ahead and imagine she hit it big as a band idol. In the anime and manga, Nijika is just a supporting character. She never takes the spotlight, she never talks about herself. It's for that reason she needs to have a more bold outfit to stand out. I decided to go with a choker instead of a ribbon because it looks more mature for an older adult. I kept the color scheme of red, white, black. Nijika is both the caretaker of her household and the band, so I gave her an outfit that has more of "ara ara" energy to it. I got the star on the choker to symbolize the venue she calls her home, STARRY. It sits close to her heart. I gave her a spider lily hair ornament to symbolize how much the death of her mother affected her life. It also represents her feelings towards her father. When their mother died, her father was supposed to be the caretaker, but he was either divorced or for whatever reason created a bad home environment that constantly made Nijika's older sister Seika run away. Nijika has feelings of resentment towards her father who dumped everything on her, so in a way, he is dead to her. Finally I decided the Oishi no Ko eyes because if you ever seen the anime, its all about lying about the persona you present on stage. It was pretty fun to do some character design brainstorming. I might do it again sometime.

@gabriel_true Day 80: We found some extra money today to give to our mom so she can get dinner tonight. God is good and continues to provide even when we think we're stuck. I can't wait to be in a place financially where we can afford/eat things normally, but until then, we trust God to make ways out of no way. - I Definitely WILL NOT Be Leaning On My Own Understanding or I'll Surely Fail: Ying-Ying

https://youtu.be/NS9REckGa5c?si=CEE8YGRSe_gyCb4j https://youtu.be/hdbszAeSlcs?si=UNhbtKSrrxwKcrpN https://youtu.be/tIj-9DVQm5Y?si=Smr9hcTLP9gB8Dch

I'm happy that I sometimes spread the gospel in my dreams while ducking a cold world. Because dreams show what's really in your psyche. They show you what you really like without the chains. Just instinct. I'm happy my instinct is to fight in a world I don't recognize sometimes. Anyway, I was on the verge of getting raped in my dream last night. And, I finally understand how violating, powerless, and disgusting it feels. I recently gave someone on tiktok 200$ cause they said they want to give up on life and God because they are having financial trouble and they was raped as a child by there parents and just had a terrible life overall. I thought maybe they are milking it but gave anyway. Later I had that dream now I can kinda feel what they went through if only a bit. Rape is terrible traumatic event and I feel sorry for people that have been through that.

we are now in the era where anybody can write a couple of prompts and make anime video+voice+background music all in one video https://pixai.art/artwork/1963014242293055571?utm_source=copy_web I didn't think this would hit so fast

I broke my new year resolutions... I don't know how to shut up lol People feel shame when they express there emotions. Because the world told them your weak if you do and you need to be strong. I'm a narcissist I'm different. I'm not wired like yall. I start frolicking to show a emotion. Because I started without them. I'm just like look at me I'm human this feels great without any shame lol. Why would I feel shame for having a god given human experience. Though I would like to feel shame for sharing my emotions because that's a emotion to and I just love emotions because I'm a narcissist so feeling anything is a gift that I cherish and happy to talk about. And, I found that act of talking about what your feeling and what you going through helps you anayzle for correction and processing so ultimately you get stronger by being a little vulnerable. I love being vulnerable that's where I get most of my work done. I be like oh I felt that oh I thought that wow that explains alot. Lol, they say narcissists can't be vulnerable. Lol, I'm as vulnerable as they come because that's what heals in the end. I have no problems laying my soul bare for all to see. But, I'm wired different people don't want to be vulnerable because that leaves the door open for people to hurt them. And, normal people feel emotional pain on a different level that I do. I was finna lie and say I'm not scared of being hurt but my emotions work a little bit. Though I always appreciate the hurt coming my way and accept it because after all I am the bad guy. And, I always learn so much from pain. I'm surprised nobody here has hurt me yet. Yall some good peeps. Though I'm always free to be a punching bag if you hate narcissists. I could learn alot. Anyway, yeah normal people feel the full brunt of emotions me not so much. They probably don't want to be burdened with emotions of shame for being vulnerable. Also, it fucking hurts yall like wtf what is that like I wonder? It hurts so much people actually get tired of having emotions and they wish they didn't have them wow that's crazy. I been in pain in my head and heart before. I suffer from schizophrenia and narcissism but I don't suffer the same as normal people. I was gonna lie and pretend like I don't know what it's like to try and kill your emotions I do. I'm just not hurting rn of have been for a while. But, I would like to feel overwhelming shame and grief for my actions. I remember one time I did feel it probably nothing comparable to how normal people feel. But, it was alot for me. I was wincing, rolling, crying, folding, and screaming at the top of my lungs with grief and in that moment I felt alive more than ever overwhelmed but alive. But, then the schizophrenia voices said I'm faking it because they was scared of my emotions coming back online. They wanted to deprive me of that moment of connection to my emotions. One day they will come online I don't care what psychologist say they gave up on narcissists long ago. They don't know how much will I have to change and the God that's on my side helping me. Though I just share my feelings here on maiotaku and analyze myself for correction and processing. Sorry if my words make people feel some type of way I don't understand matters of the heart. All I have is cognitive empathy that's not perfect but I and Jesus put work into building it and a miniscule amount of emotional empathy. If I hadn't talked to my gf and told her I was a narcissist at the beginning of the relationship I would of been terrified and anxious she would find me different. I'm still a little terrified she would find me different but she has shown me nothing but love and I have loved her the best I can and she doesn't make me feel bad for my shortcomings the level of happiness she at makes me feel like a human good boyfriend. Most narcissists would of hide that they narcissists because of shame and not wanting to be vulnerable. But, how can you be loved back to wholeness if you don't take that chance and tell the truth. I told her the true me and I told her I'm fighting everyday and I will fight to love you properly and she's proud of me and loves me for who I am. I never could have such a blossoming love if I wasn't vulnerable and shared my emotions. Though I don't rant to her lol. And, I try not to share my emotions if they not nesscary. I just rant here to strangers. Which is frowned upon because you suppose to share with someone you trust who loves you. Instead of being messy around strangers. I'm sorry yall I can't help myself I just like sharing here. Pls do tell me if yall get tired of these rants. Anyway, I like being strong enough to be vulnerable or as they say weak. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong".