I been looking for this song for so long https://youtu.be/0D_V0_7GisM?is=7GPLds7A5-VnxIwR

https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExYjAxZnNza2xyN251aHM5aTd6dzhwZTloMGZtM3oyMmdrMXl2aDdhOSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/HqRe3oMI9IZHt66EXZ/giphy.gif https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExZnZlYnp5ZWphOWtxdGZrYWFybjZoeGt6eDlzZzFzMDNwNmVyZjA3MCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/GCeftb4fWSP7kutpRI/giphy.gif

Went to a retro video game convention I've been looking forward to for a good chunk of the year, and it was sadly a bit overcrowded this time. Vendor area was harder to move through than usual, and quite frankly, there was a severe lack of manners from other guests. Blocking things they aren't looking at, and cutting ahead of people waiting to look at things just to name a couple. Vendors see this stuff happening and quite frankly don't care. I ended up spending $0 on games, I guess it's bad for business when potential customers can't even browse the goods. The real kicker? I was looking for Neo Geo Pocket Color games, these things are kinda scarce and I spent at most 10 seconds scanning any case I could actually look at. The rest of the con was honestly fine, found the Japanese candy cabs and had a good time playing Mushihimesama, among some other cool titles.

https://youtu.be/Q0g5LjQQ124 I genuinely hate telepaths in fiction.

Starting to understand the core wound of narcissism better... It says what about me. Am I in this and that did they forget about me? I'm great did they forget about me? I have to remind them. Some uncontrollable deep desire inside me wants to be acknowledged and not forgotten. The counter I found is saying what about you as if you require special attention because in your mind you feel special. Still trying to figure it out maybe more will come to me. Trying to be more grounded. I'm glad nobody here treated me special or I would of missed this gap in my awareness. I gotta work this out with God. Edit: I'm at a middle ground I don't require special attention as if it is only right you give me your attention as if the world revolves around me. I'll ask for attention in the future going forward on matters I think are important if I ever get the chance to help other narcissists. May I have your attention to this matter please is what I will say. And, acknowledge I may not be worthy of others attention. But, please hear me out. That's more grounded.

That verse from I think Adele song where she says... I can't love you in the dark it feels like we oceans apart It stuck with me it's hard to love God when we going through trails and tribulations and feel like we in darkness it can feel like we oceans apart from God. In the darkness when everything is going bad it's hard to love God. We can't see his grace, mercy, favor, and love in the dark. It feels like his love is oceans apart from us. The tension from trying to love God when it's truly dark is real that's why that verse hits so hard to me because my heart desires and wants to love God even in the dark but I find myself failing. I see things are going bad so God must be far from me that's what your eyes tell you. Faith says... 2 Corinthians 5:7 7 For we walk by faith, not by sight Isaiah 41:10 10 So do not fear, for I am with you do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Tried to keep it short.