@gabriel_true Day 133: Me, mom and baby brother went Birthday shopping today. We're having homemade Chipotle chicken bowls for our Birthday dinner, and our mom is planning on food prepping on Saturday since we're leaving for our aunts house on Sunday, so she wants certain food things prepped before getting to their house, just so that way she isn't taking up much of their kitchen space (though both of our aunts wouldn't mind...they'd probably be trying to help her the whole time lol). My baby brother is having a dark chocolate cake for his Birthday dessert, and I'm having a layered cookie cake with ice cream. Though we're going shopping for our ice cream and dinner drinks when we get to Pennsylvania (where our aunts are)...so we'll see how that ends up XD, cause our mom is making us go with our aunt Jackie, and that woman (fondly) is ALWAYS trying to buy stuff for us, so I wonder what extra goodies we'll leave with since it's our Birthday. - Can't Wait For March 1st, We're Eating At A Buffet For Breakfast: Ying-Ying

Narcissists cannot build genuine self-esteem because their sense of worth is based on a fragile, external "false self" (grandiosity) rather than INTERNAL VALIDATION. They require constant admiration to mask deep-seated insecurity and core shame stemming from childhood trauma. Because they avoid self-reflection, rely on validation-seeking behaviors, and fear exposing their true selves, they cannot develop authentic, stable self-worth. I'm proud to say thanks to my God I can long as we persevere. It feels so good to know who you are and validate your heart and your worth. I'm no longer twisted in my ability to see myself. I use to only see the bad but now I see the good. The voices or people opinions can't take that away from me. I boast with joy what God has done in me he set me free from needing others attention and validation. Now my heart belongs to me. I don't have to seek out others to ask if they see or know my heart because I can't see it myself. I have eyes now that can see and validate it what a blessing to have self esteem and a sense of self and see your accomplishments not through the lens of others but through your own eyes with nothing twisting your gaze. Though I'm still open to others views of me to learn and better myself but the difference is I don't need others views to be able to see myself anymore. I have eyes now. My love for people and learning won't change even if people can't see me the way I see myself. My heart stays open to those who are real and can meet my realness. But, I can see me now it's so fucking cool. They said it would never happen praise the Lord he made a way. I know the devil and the voices hate that I have eyes that can validate my own heart. Now they can't twist it. Man I serve a mighty God man. Wow. Also I self reflect and show my true self everyday I'm doing pretty good for a narcissist. They say we would never do that lol. The Power of God breaks curses.

Evil corporation vibes. https://youtu.be/b5GxW0f-Y-k?si=p0ZO-K6IQl5s5Rm6

See someone drink something... Scoffs Grown man need his throat wet I guess couldn't be me.

I try to listen to bk pastor every morning on tiktok if I can he talked about being divinely confined recently. I realize I'm divinely confined. Narcissism isn't a punishment. It's so the works of God can be showed through me. I can't wait to tell people he made a way when there was none. He already has me in a good place that I never thought could be possible. So I boast with joy that my God is the God of the impossible. They said I'd never have awareness but I have. They said I'd never stop feeling entitled to things and attention but I have. They said I'd never stop seeking validation but I have. They said I'd never make anyone happy but I have. They said I'd never stop trying to control others but I have. They said I'd never be able to form my own sense of self or self esteem or validate my heart but I have. They said he will never notice his pride but I have. They said he's his own God he will never surrender but I am one piece at a time. The voices say I'm evil and the chains will never break but Jesus says you are mine no one will snatch you out of my hand I will set you free. They said I'm a dead man but I'm alive in Christ. All Glory be to God. Thank you Jesus. And, he just getting started with the blessings. He has a plan for me declares the Lord. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. I have a purpose that's why I'm divinely confined. I'm not perfect but he working on me. Jesus have your way. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence; and take not your holy spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation; and uphold me with your free spirit.” Hallelujah. Amen. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I know I'm not entitled to any blessings that's why I'm so thankful for how he has blessed me. I just learned today I'm not entitled to any blessings thanks to bk pastor. It's a free gift so I'm thankful. The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

https://media1.tenor.com/m/w4zzDvM-5h8AAAAC/animeguitarloli.gif Yui Hirasawa https://youtu.be/iPUmE-tne5U?si=gGufuLH4tAIlV4m8 https://media1.tenor.com/m/mBirR1dhU4sAAAAC/kon-keion.gif Ritsu Tainaka https://youtu.be/6Zqtl8azCs8?si=g3FvzhtZM-yyT6mL https://media1.tenor.com/m/3LdSwrFZ_-cAAAAC/k-on-akiyama-mio.gif https://media1.tenor.com/m/kOue07ZTKmcAAAAC/k-on-keion.gif Mio Akiyama / Azusa Nakano https://youtu.be/bUmKUWzbDxg?si=PB-S-EfSOCfv9uk1 https://64.media.tumblr.com/3e3fd02d3f1edc62f7f987f4bfb0ce52/tumblr_o4tej3Ehq11uhmw2xo2_r1_500.gif Tsumugi Kotobuki https://youtu.be/Ju8Hr50Ckwk?si=nHq3Ubil5RhgjOUK

https://youtu.be/GmG4X9PGOXs?si=62P29ZDRHlYgl_lA A classic

It’s was hilariously true what he said about voter id. They say it’s racist to require id for something as important as voting. Yet you have to show two forms of photo ID and a social security card to shovel snow in New York City. The most liberal city in the country. I guess NYC is racist. You’ve got to have valid ID for dang near everything. Your job, cigarettes, liquor, driving, getting on a plane. Just not for voting? Seriously, the only reason not to have ID is so you can cheat. I’m curious if and how elections would actually change if they did require ids.

Bastard was actually the first one I saw last year on Netflix. Didn't really think too much about it again until a major surgery 2.5 months ago and I started watching JJK. It was a great escape, I love the action, the storyline, the imagination, and I also really loved the feelings I got from the characters. That got me to getting a crunchyroll subscription and down the rabbit hole I went! I just love the emotions that come through the stories and characters. I just came here to browse around, maybe chat here and there. Its just fun finding others with similar interests.

@triforcer Do you try to watch subs without pausing to read them? I personally can’t keep up with subs while also paying attention to all the stuff going on in the scene. And I hate it when the subs go by faster than I can read and missing bits of the conversation. So I watch on my phone or PC and pause as often as I need to. Which in some cases is quite frequently. Doing that would probably be a lot less taxing on you.

@fushiguro I understand what your feeling. We all just want to be loved and seen for our hard work. If it means anything I see the hard work you put in and acknowledge it. You did good. You should be proud of yourself. I cried yesterday feeling some of the same things you feeling. What I learned we are not entitled to love from others. We are not even entitled to be understood because of our hardwork. When I understood that the important feeling i'm trying to maintain won't be sustained by others that helped me alot. We are only important to people we are important to. And, we have to accept that we can't be important to everyone no matter how hard we work. I hope you have someone in your life that's make you feel important and seen. I have someone like that and I appreciate them. Your important and I see your hardwork if nobody ever told you. Instead of trying to get strangers to sustain this fleeting sense of importance. You got to sustain it yourself. Tell yourself good things about yourself. I get it we all want to feel important it's human nature. I'm not trying to act like I know it all you just seem like your hurting so I'm trying to help. This part probably doesn't apply to you but I will put it just incase. I cried because as a narcissist I felt I was entitled to the love and attention it was strange people won't tell me I'm important when I believe myself to be and I put in alot of hardwork to say important things. Which ultimately ripped away my false sense of importance. And, I was left with 2 options trust others for my sense of importance and worth. Or let go of the need for validation. I decided to stop seeking validation from others to sustain my own sense of importance. You yourself can sustain it yourself. But, me I'm a narcissist so I'm kinda at a learning phase on whether or not I should live with a sense of importance. But, your normal you can build your importance and sustain it yourself. Just validate yourself. You know you put in hardwork and you know why you did it. Validate that. Hope this helps. I learned something to. Thank you for sharing how you feel. Hopefully I can build myself up to if it's not to much for a narcissist it's tricky for me. I needed to cry and not feel important because that what set me free from feeling I'm entitled to others attention and love and that i need there validation. But, that doesn't apply to you. Your just pure and wanting someone to see you and acknowledge your hardwork. I hope someone makes you feel loved and seen one day. And, I hope you find the freedom I did knowing I don't need validation. I can see it just by talking to you that I to can validate my heart. I know why I fight. I know the struggle I been through. I know how much I try to love others and God. Thank you for sharing I learned alot that will help me with schizophrenia cause they always trying to tear me down. Hope I helped you to :) if anything God loves you but you know that. Cool to see you getting back into your bible. That's inspiring. You have spirit and that has nothing to do with what anyone thinks of you. That's yours it doesn't diminish because people think differently of you. Protect your heart. You know what you have to offer. If people don't see you how you see yourself it's ok. They entitled to hold a different view of you even if you don't like it. Forcing it will only make you sad. Just let go. We can't control how others view us but we can control how we view ourselves. I'm not saying give up on trying to improve yourself. I'm saying someone will see you one day. So acknowledge and validate that you improving. And, because they can't see you don't let it twist your ability to see yourself. Just trying to help man. That's all. Sorry if it was unasked for or not useful. Be well. Sorry if I crossed any boundaries I'm a narcissist I don't understand. If someone corrects me I'll understand. You can always share your hurt with me if you have no one else. I love to learn. But, I'm unreliable it's coded into narcissists but I will do my best to listen and help if I can. Or just listen. I hope and pray God answers your prayers.