@gabriel_true Day 102: I told my sisters through a very long letter how I've been feeling lately. I tend to have trouble saying my issues out loud, so I notice that when I feel too overwhelmed by life stuff, I end up writing to that person I want to talk to. I was scared waking up today...even though I knew they would never shame me for how I felt, if anything, I told myself that they probably wouldn't make a big fuss out of it (to not scare me away) but offer silent support/help – I was right. The first thing my twin did when seeing me after coming back downstairs was pull me into a very warm and tight hug. The only thing she mentioned about what I wrote down was that if I saw myself the way she sees me, then the letter would never exist in the first place, and then we started to cry together while our eldest sister silently watched us. I keep reminding myself how good God is despite these momentary struggles. Because, something that came to mind last night after I finished writing the letter was a prayer request I gave the LORD where I asked Him to help me be even closer with my family, and one of the ways I asked Him to do that was by helping me share my feelings with those in my family who genuinely care about them. And even though it's such a sad reason I'm finally able to be honest about these ugly thoughts I harbor towards myself...I am thankful for the strength God has given me to be able to ignore my doubts long enough to write everything I needed to say down, and of course I praise Him for the support system that He's given me through my sisters. - God's Love Never Fails, Even When We Do: Wei-Wei

Cleaned the snow off my car, had to be close to 2 feet of accumulation, so that sucked XD https://media1.tenor.com/m/CON9_NgF7EYAAAAC/racc-raccoon.gif

Tonight my nervous system updated. I'm always in terror that my lack of emotions will be seen and judged. And, I'm just like how come my baby can't see the terror on my face. But, what she sees is consistency, care, presence, effort. Tonight I understood she really loves me and would never hurt me I felt safe enough to breakdown I didn't but I wanted to I just shed a few tears told her it's hard I'm trying my best to love you. She made the horror go away because she already accepted me. My nervous system updated because for the first time I felt seen but still loved. My nervous system learned I can be seen and not destroyed. I experienced being held without being judged. I can't keep bracing with horror with thoughts of being destroyed I'm safe and deeply loved. Maybe I can relax more now I have a memory of acceptance to ward off the horror.

I'm new hear and i'm just looking for some friends that also likes anime and if I could be so lucky I would like to find a girlfriend also

(7:04 PM Sat.) I'm crying over a heart that was given to me today. I haven't been doing my best internally lately...I keep doubting myself about certain things happening in my life recently and, in all honesty, just being a huge jerk to me. It's something I have been really fighting against and yesterday I just went to sleep early (for me anyway) and silently cried myself to sleep (I didn't want my sisters to hear me). Before I drifted off, I remember asking God to truly just help me with myself, because I know I am my own biggest enemy most days tbh...and I even told Him that sometimes I feel like I don't hear Him anymore or He's not listening to me (which I know isn't true, but I felt honesty with God is better since He knows it all). Today, after our mom came home from grocery shopping with our baby brother, she rushed downstairs and burst into the closet I was sitting in (cause it's cold over here recently), excitement on her face as she cups something in her hands. She tells me that she almost forgot to give this to me, but she found it after exiting the store she went to (which is truly surprising as our mom hates picking up random items from the ground outside) and really felt like I needed this item. My mom un-cups her hands and within them is a bedazzled heart (I really love hearts/heart-shaped things). It's kind of dented in one corner and is missing exactly three sparkles, to which mom apologized for giving me someone else's junk, but...she truly doesn't know how much I love it and needed it. God immediately spoke to me after my mom shut the door...He said that He always hears me and loves me. That just in the way that my mom looked at that dirty, slightly worn and busted heart on the ground but still saw the value in it, that He still sees value in me no matter how battered and weary I may feel at the moment. So, yeah, I am forever treasuring this little heart I've been gifted forever. ❤️