@gabriel_true Day 81: I really wish that I could post gifs again, Gabby, because I would leave you some when I don't have anything to talk about lol. I still don't know why my device(s) won't post gifs anymore, because it literally stopped for no reason at all. Anyhow, we ate burritos today, it was delicious and filling. Our mom was able to get enough for three dinners, so tomorrow we are eating pasta and garlic bread again. I hope you are financially stable and eating good meals whenever you want, and please, don't take for granted being able to have snacks (I know that sounds silly, but I'm serious). Because it's not a necessity (having a snack), but it's something you get just because you can, and that's a grear feeling XD. - I Love Snacks A Lot: Wei-Wei

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CU_KkWWJynw https://media1.tenor.com/m/Upo6bEwW940AAAAd/rave-cat.gif

@willworkforisekai If it's worth anything, I think a part of your changing for the better is/can be the fact you're so willing to talk about your experience. I know I don't really ever comment on your rantings/findings, but I DO read them, and I've seen how you know/say from personal experience with yourself and other narcissists, that it's extremely hard for you all to even mention any slight wrongdoings you may have done. This is not me saying there are or are not healthier ways to do this, because if you truly feel like what you need to do is leave, I don't want to stop you from helping yourself. However, I hope you don't beat yourself up about being open about this topic? Especially as you HAVE stated before you are only so passionate because you never hear those like yourself being honest about the struggles of narcissistic personality disorder. And, just because you may struggle a bit more in an area than 'normal' people do, it doesn't make you a monster or less human than I. Thank you for being so open about your struggles, and I truly pray that you continue to find yourself as the man God intended you to be, just remember that your surrendering to Jesus is all he needs from you and the rest of the healing will come in due time. I love you and thank you for gracing this site with your beautiful presence, Isekai. ❤️

https://i.ibb.co/xtX7WsKM/nijika.png So I wanted to have fun taking Nijika from Bocchi the Rock and re-imagine her character if she was a major idol and hit it big. During the whole anime, she is just the background drummer supporting character. Nijika has a big bow tie on a T shirt and some suspender straps going over it. I'm no fashion expert, but oof. https://i.ibb.co/C3QqXmtf/screenshot.png Lets jump some years ahead and imagine she hit it big as a band idol. In the anime and manga, Nijika is just a supporting character. She never takes the spotlight, she never talks about herself. It's for that reason she needs to have a more bold outfit to stand out. I decided to go with a choker instead of a ribbon because it looks more mature for an older adult. I kept the color scheme of red, white, black. Nijika is both the caretaker of her household and the band, so I gave her an outfit that has more of "ara ara" energy to it. I got the star on the choker to symbolize the venue she calls her home, STARRY. It sits close to her heart. I gave her a spider lily hair ornament to symbolize how much the death of her mother affected her life. It also represents her feelings towards her father. When their mother died, her father was supposed to be the caretaker, but he was either divorced or for whatever reason created a bad home environment that constantly made Nijika's older sister Seika run away. Nijika has feelings of resentment towards her father who dumped everything on her, so in a way, he is dead to her. Finally I decided the Oishi no Ko eyes because if you ever seen the anime, its all about lying about the persona you present on stage. It was pretty fun to do some character design brainstorming. I might do it again sometime.

I'm happy that I sometimes spread the gospel in my dreams while ducking a cold world. Because dreams show what's really in your psyche. They show you what you really like without the chains. Just instinct. I'm happy my instinct is to fight in a world I don't recognize sometimes. Anyway, I was on the verge of getting raped in my dream last night. And, I finally understand how violating, powerless, and disgusting it feels. I recently gave someone on tiktok 200$ cause they said they want to give up on life and God because they are having financial trouble and they was raped as a child by there parents and just had a terrible life overall. I thought maybe they are milking it but gave anyway. Later I had that dream now I can kinda feel what they went through if only a bit. Rape is terrible traumatic event and I feel sorry for people that have been through that.