I finally did it! I ran for 40 minutes straight, even longer than a 5k distance! My heart rate shot to 164BPM and stayed steady. I FINALLY have enough stamina to briskly jog a 5k. This has been a whole month of struggling trying to reach that level. You guys can do it in just a month if you really commit yourself to it.

I confess that I unironically listen to the chicken dance song once in a blue moon. Just by myself, alone in my room. As it plays I just think about life.

I became a soldier today more than my time in the Army. Maybe it's a sign. Spending the day seeing what I'm made of. Happy Veterans Day!

I finally reached the point where as a narcissist I'm tired of being selfish. I'm so tired of it. Idc how hard it is to love anyone but myself I'm tired of it T_T. I always said it was to hard it's alien diffuclty to us because we have to understand something that's alien so I didn't change but I'm tired of it. Idc how hard it is. Somebody else besides me deserve love even if I don't have empathy to power than that love I know in my spirit and in my mind I care. I didn't have the strength before but now I'm tired of it I can't go back to what is comfortable for me but hurts others. I have no choice but to move forward cause I'm tired of it. I guess I'll find out what I'm made of cause I can't go back. It should be easier cause I'm tired of that place that gave me comfort. I got a life to live no matter how hard it is with people I care about. I can't let it fall apart. The world think a narcissist is to weak well I'm tired of that being the case. Maybe God answered my tears. Cause I'm finally tired and willing to care for others. My gf love made me tired. She was the straw that broke the camel back.

Been doing some mad scientist crap in my kitchen in preparation for holiday football season when my brother comes to visit. Been trying to perfect my recipie for fried pickles! Latest attempt using beer batter with just a touch of buttermilk. Inside are jalapeno popper pickles for an extra kick! Who wants to be a test subject?