I'm back. I don't have a agenda to change others anymore with my writing. Now I'm just writing for the sake of learning and exposure of sharing how I feel. I divorced the control element. I learned that I must walk by faith not by sight. My eyes tell me everything seems out of control. So as a narcissist who are geared for control I try to control others passively. I'm sorry for trying to stir you all into the fight to battle against the wickedness within us and around us. I tried to set a example and hoped people would follow and find the courage to battle and feel safe enough to expose what they going through and be vulnerable so that we may all become more knowledgeable humans. I guess that's weird of me to want that from total strangers. Plus, I'm probably the outsider cause I'm fucked up and not that smart everyone else may be doing okey dokey with nothing to complain about. I learned to walk by faith not by sight. I have faith bigger than my fears that would lead me to wanting to control people. I'm glad my tactics didn't work. I hope yall stay as protective of yourselves and guarded against these narcissists that want to use you. I have faith now that people will find there way on there own and it's none of my business what's inside them what they battling and what they believe. Cause I ain't got all the answers. I think I fixate on people because I want the answers to our problems I'm keeping track of our hurt. I follow pain because nobody is keeping track of it but if people don't share I can't learn and strategize. That's why I try to get people to follow me and be vulnerable. Sorry my goal of trying to track pain makes me fixated on others lives when it has nothing to do with me. I learned you have to have faith that everything is under control. God is keeping track of all of the pain. So my part is to care for myself, respect boundaries, love people near me. God handles what’s bigger than me. I also shouldn't worry about it because I try to bring pain to people attention but I have no tac or understanding of boundaries. Nobody wants to be around someone talking about pain 24/7 cause it brings the vibes down. People protect there energy. And, that's understandable. I can find answers on sites like X. But, it's ok. Some spaces are for processing pain. Some are for rest, fun, or lightness. That’s not rejection—it’s healthy social rhythm. But, me tracking others pain is grandiose because I feel others will anayzle it wrong they have no loyalty to the data to the truth of our dying. But, it's grandiose to think I one man can compile enough paths out of the darkness for others. And, that people would be eager to trust my analys rather than there own. No matter how fixated I am on others. I'm but one man a flawed man at that. I can't be trusted with the world analysis. It's grandiose that I even held myself to that standard. Like the world must trust me or something it's ridiculous. I'm a narcissist there are many things I lack. I make mistakes just like everyone else or even make worst mistakes. I ridiculously trusted myself because I believed that I will listen to everyone pain signals and do the math. But, I also turn my back on pain signals aswell. I'm not special. I'm flawed just like everyone else. People will find there own paths and if it goes against my analysis for them that is truly wonderful. Because I now understand how grandiose it is to try and contain others to what your idea of perfection is. I was truly lost. It sounds so disgusting. Narcissists pride and ego is scary we don't even know the extent of it. I just got a glimpse thanks to writing. If you were to ask me I would have told you I'm doing the right thing. It's so crazy. Lord have mercy on us. Lord forgive us. Humans have more potential for success or failure than one man's mind can contain. My grandiose self said trust me cause I can see your failures. But, what my mind didn't account for was my own failures existing within my idea of perfection and my inability to realize that the best path cannot be solely contained within me or choosen by me. That's just ridiculously grandiose and I'm sorry to all the people that us narcissist mind behaves that way. Lord forgive us. We know not what we do. We are blind. Have mercy. We act like people don't have a choice but to follow us because we contain the correct path. It's so grandiose I'm sorry. We are no better than everyone else. Lord forgive us. The correct path isn't unique to us. Each path is unique to the individual. But, by some irrational twist of fate I believed my paths to be the only one unique and important. I didn't think your paths was equally or more important than mine. Such foolish pride, arrogance, and ego. I'm sorry. I won't try to interfere with others paths thinking I know best. I respect and acknowledge the uniqueness of each path. I'm letting go of the need for control and the idea that everything must follow my paths irrespective of many things. I'm under the grandiose assumption that it's great to follow me. Which is baseless and fueled by pride in my intelligence not a humble wisdom. Jesus is the one people should put they faith in i'm just a flawed human everything is under his control so I walk by faith not by sight. I have faith that each one of us has something special about them that could change the world even if only a little. We are all gifts from God. Everything may look like it's burning but with faith I just know everyone will find there way. So I don't have to fixate on people and worry and try to control. Everything is going to be ok. God has a plan for all of us.

@gabriel_true Day 127: Went to our aunts house today to pick up their car so we have another to drive/fit the rest of our family in tomorrow cause we're going mini golfing. I was right about our aunts immediately feeding us as soon as we stepped inside their home XD, our aunt Jackie immediately led us to the four big boxes of donuts she got (per our baby brother's request) and a fruit/vegetable tray for me and my sisters (my request, but I wasn'texpecting to receive them so soon). She also fed us chicken strips and our other aunt (we'll call her G because I don't remember how to spell her name) kept trying to feed us stuff (she's 90-91 so she just gets excited when we come over). The older sister/aunt (aunt G) was so cute when we had to leave back home though! We are spending our Birthday (March 1st) at their house and sleeping over, so when I hugged her goodbye, she just smiled at me and clapped her hands together while exclaiming how excited she is for next weekend. Our family is prepared to be fed all day on me and baby brother's Birthday...because they have already asked us what foods/snacks we want -oh! And our aunt Jackie apparently already asked our mom what we want for our Birthdays too...I wasn't expecting gifts from them, it's just fun being around them, but they've talked about giving us money and gift cards already XD, so I'm expecting they'll be giving us an unnecessary amount of things, but I'm grateful already. - Aunts Are Like Mom's But In The Distance: Wei-Wei

Click phone booth image above to play video. https://youtu.be/xuZA6qiJVfU?si=TEA_5OydySubu-Kl This is my smartphone wallpaper because I'm a childlike (and a bit feminine, but straight) male Elder Millennial that misses the 80s that had phone booths. https://i.imgur.com/Pcn7KPw.png

Personally I think it’s my poor business skills coupled with the fact I’m an introvert that hates having to deal with customers. That’s probably what’s really costing my business money. Poor mobile signal is a great excuse for not having to answer people’s calls. I fail to see the problem there.

Conformity feels like "Avoid every sin as much as you can and label non-conformists as losers! There is no such thing as (grandiose) narcissism!" Non-Conformity feels like "Jesus prefers to be around sinners and outcasts who rather be hated for who they are than the social norms who rather be loved for who they are not."

Hey :) I’m not a new user but wanted to introduce myself to maybe find friends/relationship. My favourite animes are black butler, death note, psycho pass, and great teacher Onizuka.