I bet these fucking monsters want me bad but thanks to big God I can buck. I'm to black not to buck the system thankfully God helping me punch above my weight. All I can say is God I'm sorry I'm to black not to buck these evil mfers they think they can buck us like we some pussy. Sure I'm scared but imma buck. Whether I live or die I'm gonna be real. Hopefully you can intimidate them and humor me and my arrogance. They think they the only one crazy. Cause Lord I truly don't give a fuck I'll expose there ass on some crazy shit. I'm on looney tune timing. Going home would make my day. Sorry you have to cover for me God. I know better than to push my luck but they think we pussy and they the only ones that's crazy. The voices call me a bug hey I'm not offended that means I defy programming I'm not a npc or cattle.

So I found a unique way to start practicing my Japanese again. I went to a japanese V-Tuber's twitch channel while they were streaming their gameplay and I just typed in 'konnichiwa'. Apparently she even had an auto-translate to japanese hiragana bot in her channel which was really cool. The VTuber was happy that I was trying to learn japanese and taught me some really important phrases I'll share with you guys: 「って感じ」 (tte kanji) — extremely common in casual Japanese. It means something like “that kind of thing,” “that’s the vibe,” “something like that,” or “basically.” Another phrase she taught me was「知らんけど」(shiran kedo). It literally comes out roughly as “I don’t know, though”, but in natural conversation it’s more like: - “...but I dunno.” - “...I think, anyway.” - “...don’t quote me on that.” - “...or something like that.”

Everyone operating with some level of the curse blindness. Part of the curse broke when I smoked weed and my ex gf said you not as good as you think you are and my consciousness shattered literally and I gained awareness of myself for the first time. Another part of the curse broke when I got schizophrenia and the voices unveiled my darkness to me in a way I couldn't ignore or stay blind to it cause they bombarded my mind with it. Though they wasn't trying to help they just wanted me to sink into the abyss.

Curses are real and everyone been effected. The most prominent curse is the curse of blindness. White people got hit the hardest. Even with there beautiful intellect they can't see. To be able to hold you back my brother is something you don't deserve. Your more beautiful than you think. But, these curses have blinded us all. Whether they be from God or the devil none of us deserve this. They curse you hard my brother they know how powerful you are. They know how powerful we all are together. They want to diminish the profoundness of our hearts and minds. Brother I know your profound inwardly but fate is against us all. Look at me I have more spirit then I know what to do with but cursed with narcissism unable to experience the meaning and depth of emotions. Fate is a cruel mistress to have the woman and family of my dreams but cursed to not be able to soak it all in. They want us with savage hearts and minds. That's why they push rap music to taint our minds early to decrease the profoundness of our nature. Society is built to produce the savage heart. People be like I'm a savage as if it's cool. Brother I'm a coward a weak man but even I when faced with death still speak. I can not help it. It's who I am. They want you to resonate with the savage heart feel like it's yours. They bombarded us with propaganda, movies, music, before we even know we are. Brother I do not blame you for your people attempts till this day to taint the well. You being held back from greatness is what hurts me. Not the kind they would have you resonate with. I see you in a much deeper and meaningful glory. But, we are but men against the wiles of the devil and fate we are stifled to no end so brother don't think you have to be more than you have to. Just know I see you in beauty even if it's not unleashed. I believe in the future so I count your potential beauty I am dazzled by it. I don't just write you off as never having the potential for beauty and profoundness. If this hurts I'm sorry I don't understand what others feel I just know how to speak the truth. I would invest in you even though we are but fallible men. Can't help it I see a spark of something great I would help nuture it if I was calling the shots. Not diminish your profoundness and beauty.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IKHox-DKrM Dang almost 8 million views in a month. No wonder it's good

Today I saw that personal trainer at the gym today and I waved at her. She came up to me and chatted and she told me she was going to give me another free training session today because she liked me. She showed me 3 different kinds of dips to do, and they were so friggin hard. I failed to even do 5 of each and it was easy for her. She then led me to the pull up bar and the goal was to do 7 wide pull ups, 7 shoulder-width pullups, and 7 close up pull ups. Holy crap. I was dying after the dips. I did like three pull ups and I was dying. I tried a couple of each and then had to sit. Then I had to do 10 push ups, 10 diamond pushups, and 10 archer pullups. I did 10 pushups, then tried 10 diamond pushups and collapsed on the first pushup lol I'll break down the 30 minute workout challenge if anybody else wants to try. I'll be practicing this for the next week.

(7:34 PM Fri.) Look at God! I know it's something so small and simple, but look what I found lying by my head while asleep!! They taste so good and I'm trying not to eat them all in one sitting. I just love how He's faithful to answer even the small desires/wants. So, yes, I in fact did have a pumpkin spice flavored something (caramel today) and I was able to tell everyone about it. Yay! ❤️