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I said I would stop talking I lied. I realized all my prayers were stained in resentment and arrogance. It's hard to capture this thought in detail. In the moment my prayers may feel pure. But, let it go unanswered and the story changes. First the prayer comes then later the resentment for not doing what I want. Do this or I'm finished with you. Do this or I will quantify you as small. He's only Big when he's doing stuff for us. When he's not he's small to us. My prayers were stained in resentment and arrogance unknowingly I did not capture the true essence of God. But, now I think I get it. God is big and powerful and as the Creator it is his right to do as he pleases. I finally acknowledged that it is his divine right to do as he pleases and not as I please and that kills the resentment and arrogance and makes one humble knowing God does as he pleases and not what you want him to do. You can pray and ask for stuff but you must remember it's God's will not yours. I acknowledge his will is above my own and won't reduce him to something small and insignificant for not following my will. He's Bigger than us he still loves us even when we don't follow his will and fail him. But, when we think he failed us and don't follow our will it's a problem and we stop loving him. It's the Father and Jesus divine right to do as they please they earned it. Jesus shed his precious blood for us we have to trust there word is true that they know what is best for us. It all comes down to do you think the will of God is beneath your own to where you get hurt and take it personal and form resentment and be ugly to God when he doesn't answer to your will though he has the sovereignty, divine right, and freedom to do as it pleases or do you accept that his will is his own and completely above your own. If we humble our selves he just may grant the desires of our heart. But, if we don't acknowledge that God is God with a will above our own and knowledge and wisdom above ours the moment he doesn't answer to our will we wil reduce him to something small and insignificant. That's not humble that's arrogant. We can ask for things but know it is God will not our own. He will not bend to your will just because you throw a fit and forget about him or show your ass or resentment him. You just acting foolish and arrogant and can't believe his will, knowledge, and wisdom is higher than your own. His will is his will. When you talk to God know that he can do all things. And, just because he hasn't done it or don't answer to your will doesn't mean his is a incapable God. Our selfishness reduces him to something small when he created all we see. He can do it. But he follows his own will not ours so don't be butt hurt. Approach him humbly with your prayers knowing in your heart that he should not and will not bend to your will and you should hold no resentment. He is sovereign the Almighty Father. If it's in his will he will grant your desire. To God be the glory. Today I got a bit more humble thank you Jesus. I can start by saying if it's in your will God instead of saying this is what I want God so you know who in charge. Did I cook chat?

Just started Metallic Rouge and Medalist! And in the middle of "finishing" (soon:tm:) Kusuriya and Hyougemono. There's a reason I'm flipping between them I promise. Generally some are just better to watch in certain contexts (bus vs relaxing at home or while I'm doing something/working). I do finish shows. Recently finished Majo to Yajuu and Shangri La pretty quickly.

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(10:09 PM Mon.) Happy Belated First Day of Summer everyone! I thought I'd come give a quick update of my day at our aunts and also say see you soon since it's late and that means we're probably heading back soon, and that means no wifi again. We were immediately fed coming through the door by our aunts: donuts, cookies, chicken nuggets, mozzarella sticks, ice-cream, chips and dip, fruits and veggies trays, etc. But that was just God's way of providing food for our family as we haven't eaten in 1-3 days again – I just love how He continues to work in mysterious ways ^-^. We have some freezer bags in our car, so we might take some breakfast sandwiches home and the fruit cause it's delicious! Other than that, it was a very nice day outside. A little warm, but it was nice cause the cloudy skies and the cool air due to the slight rain we had here. My sisters and I sat outside literally all day enjoying the birds and greenery, laughing at random topics, eating good food, drawing the scenery and occasionally talking to our aunt, mom and baby brother who came to chat with us sometimes. My second eldest brother even came to randomly give me a kiss and that was great too! As the sun set, fireflies started making a lightshow and it was beautiful. So, that was my/our day and I really pray that no matter what seasons you find yourselves in, you are able to see the beauty in what's around you, cause I promise you it's there. I also thank God for today cause I told Him that I wished to know how you all were doing, and He gave me today to check on you guys. I miss you all a lot, but this time away has been good for me as well...cause I've mentioned in threads how I tend to pour so much care and love into others that I forget about me, and lately, God has been teaching me to just sit with Him and to love myself through Christ that is in me. So, just know that while we miss each other dearly, everything has it's season and time, and mine is to be away for awhile- BUT! Please my babies, remember, this isn't a goodbye, it's a see you later. I love you all soooooo much! ❤️