Love having such shit credit that when I try to go through my bank to get a credit card to rebuild it back up as advertised they reject it. Thanks mother for using my credit before I even knew what it was.

I got an insane deal on Radiant Silvergun from eBay, I was half expecting it to be a scam but it was actually real. Some people consider this to be the best shmup on the Saturn, I'm not completely in agreement with that but it is an insanely impressively well made game that pushed the console to it's limit. It's also about an hour and a half to beat with no mistakes, and actually has a decent story attached to it, so Treasure put a ton of work into this one (Gunstar Heroes is one of my top Genesis games so I'm not shocked). Tons of ways to acquire it these days but I'm a big Saturn fan, defo a very happy pickup.

They say schizophrenia is a chronic brain disorder and is considered a type of psychotic disorder. They also say we suffer from psychosis a lost of touch reality. I find it strange cause I'm neither psychotic or have lost touch with reality. In fact schizophrenia whooped my ass to keep me from going psychotic. And, the voices brought to my attention the reality of my darkness and imperfections. It's just people don't know how to handle the the malevolent nature of the voices. If you filter them you can get some pretty useful information. I don't know how useful awareness of your darkness is for the average Joe but for a narcissist that shit was preem. But, if you let them gas up your ego with some bullshit of course your gonna lose touch with reality. They don't care it's on you not to be stupid. Also people get curious and that curiosity kills them. They want to know about aliens, the universe, God's, different dimensions all kinda weird shit. And, the voices will let your silly ass build this false reality by you jumping to conclusions about the vague shit they say and mean. Next thing you know your this false God with some insane purpose you think cause you can't see that the voices are malevolent and having a go of your ass. Everytime they try to make me lose touch with reality I shut that shit down. I only listen when they remind when I fucked up yeah that's that good shit. Also, I experienced what I'm like on a power trip. A human as God is the saddest shit I ever experienced in my life. I had to experience how disgustly beneath God I am. To where I was begging and pleading for anybody to be God. All my imperfections burned and had consequences. Now that was a delusion but a much needed delusion. That shit turned me off to power I don't wanna do nothing but go home to Jesus. I don't even wanna look at the universe and it's mysteries. Most schizophrenics believe they have some insane purpose and they like how powerful they feel from the voices. Not me I'm a narcissist I know what power does to us. Have you seen Trump. All I want is to have enough information to be a good person and go home to Jesus everything else is disgusting. Edit: Oh my mistake people often go psychotic and lose touch with reality so that's a safe analysis of disease. My fault. I guess people don't know how to navigate something playing with there head yet. Not there fault this shouldn't happen. I'm a narcissist I'm just hard to manipulate so I had a advantage going into schizophrenia. Maybe it's for the best they keep believing that it's all a delusion for a better quality of life. Edit: The only thing psychotic about me is I don't know how to stop telling the truth whatever I think it is. I'm not brave I'm truly psychotic in that avenue. Oh and narcissism guess you can call me psychotic for that. That would be true. Oh my mistake I'm partially psychotic about the truth I still lie. I better shut up and count my blessings and stop being so psychotic.

I struck Gold so I'm happy before her my dick lead me everywhere it wanted to go. No woman ever truly knew me because I didn't know myself. This is my first relationship with a connection other than sex. I didn't know what I was looking for I just sleep around to feel the the all consuming void. All my relationships before was because I wanted to have sex with them. It wasn't till I had a awakening in 2019 brought on by my ex gf saying your not as good as you think you are while I was high and that tore my mind apart and birthed my first some of awareness as a narcissist. Then we broke up and I began to analyze who I am what I am. Years of fighting narcissism and schizophrenia later I meet a woman from overseas. And, I told her who I am not leaving out the narcissist and schizophrenic part and she accepted me. And, for the first time the void that could only be filled by sex was filled with authentic connection. Lot's of people don't even know who they are or what's broken they just trying to feel the void with sex and cuddles. Sex can be a driver for better behavior or worst behavior and the relationship could be nothing beyond that It wasn't till someone accepted all my flaws and told me I'm not a monster that I felt enough love to care back the same way. If I knew myself before all those relationships maybe they could of worked out. But, I needed to be isolated for years to understand narcissism. Sex is a powerful driver my behavior depended on how much sex appeal you had and how often you give it up I was shallow beyond that. Now I meet a incredible woman who is the sweetest thing ever and I accept all her flaws like she accepts mine. I'm finally a participant in one of the most cherished dances of life and I'm not unaware anymore that I'm a participant. I don't deserve to be out on the floor I can't dance the dance of love but she said she will work with me. She even slows it down so I can keep up. This is the first person I ever made happy with my dance. Who told me your not a horrible dancer. I like the way you dance. Though I'm still afraid I can't keep up. I don't want to tell her to slow it down. I want to impress her more. But, she's patient and know I don't know what I'm doing. She's just the sweetest thing. Who I don't deserve. I find it strange that people think young humans would get it right the first time. As if we don't learn to perfect ourselves over time. That's why it's rare for the perfect relationship. Perfection is uncommon. It would be strange if it was common for young people. The right information can only do so much from keeping them from making a mistake. Mistakes are what's common we live in a fallen world not a perfect world. Just my opinion.

still missing an ending on homicipher, and juggling NIANAH and silenthill f (YES i want to fuck the pale man NO thats not weird) https://i.pinimg.com/1200x/63/84/d6/6384d6f7a56ac56ddc869de60ac45542.jpg

i guess, in short, i really really dislike protestants. american protestants are lil freaks, a very very close family friend was a pentecostal, and though that is one of the craziest sects (and he was also crazy kek) he was still super nice and self sacrificing. its hard to tell whats real altruism and what is 'goodwill tithing' bullshit. tithing is so disgusting, he did that as well. same with mormons, they seem really nice. and amish folks (since thats technically a religion as well) but atleast these guys are nice. w.a.s.ps are just as bad as evangelicals, entities that even jesus would go into a blind rage over.

gilga is best! best! https://64.media.tumblr.com/9a5ca9cbe95a6acc07dae33e7ea9c255/22c4ec44de79276c-26/s500x750/7e89c24e3677137f3a7eecd9d08544980144f66a.gif

Never has the phrase "Highway Robbery" been true since highways were a thing. Damn, Romans! 2,000 years and Ceaser still demands tribute.

https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExeHZkMXk2NXVwNWJ0MnV3bzU5dDBrdGMwb2h1bDJhZjZ4MmR5bjlpeCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/kgqNxRFENcp0I/giphy.gif

I got back from my movie marathon day. Mortal Kombat II was cheesey, but was cool overall. Backrooms had an interesting premise, however it kept itself too vague to make full sense of. Like it hints that multiple people are having a form of mass psychosis. That each person in the movie is battling their inner self which is warping the universe they live in. However it reaches a point where random stuff is happening for random reasons and just expecting the individual to make their own conclusions. Something, something, people have their own sense of reality that they're trapped in, but unknowingly forcing others outside themselves to navigate the maze of that person's thoughts and actions while dealing with their own delusional dealings. At some point it wouldn't have hurt the narrative to provide a bit more context. Otherwise it was different from most horror movies to an extent...or not...now that I think about it. Felt like that dinner table scenario was lifted from Resident Evil 7. Then there were the hallway scenes that were like a live action F.E.A.R. Finally I saw He-Man. As before with Mortal Kombat it had a lot of cheese. Arguably they could have done less self aware internet humor. Though it was a genuine delight to see Skeletor working a corporate job for 30 seconds. That got a laugh out of me! One thing it really should have cut out was the cursing. I was surprised something aimed at kids had curse words every other sentence. I know adult fans might find it funny to see child hood characters cursing like YouTube celebrities, yet it was kinda disappointing to resort to that type of humor given the source.

https://youtu.be/zBymaS2mCaI?si=TwVg1NY7ehdzGzTH I'm so playing this.

Well it's good to know that that's something to look out for. I was just concerned because it had me worried that if this person was viewing the contents of my phone through his computer during the call he could be taking pictures or screenshots of personal text messages to family or going through my pictures. That's why I was wondering if these customer service centers now had that type of technology to do that through a simple phone call.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXDDuLXoRpE If Kingdom Hearts and Serial Experiments Lain had a music baby: