https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8gb91vR/ Really good video that helped me with schizophrenia aka demonic oppression. I know not to listen to the voices now because I understand that all roads lead to despair. I lost all curiosity, intrigue, and familiarity with them because I know they just want one thing and that's to get me to despair. I don't need no more despair for character development I need hope. I had said to myself me a narcissist can learn from the voices they have they own worth I can learn if my scars burn deeper into my flesh I can learn if I allow them to agitate my wounds. Not knowing that the pain was ultimately blinding me. I allowed them to agitate and run my scars deeper through my heart thinking it would open my eyes as my heart was being consumed with pain. It was doing the exact opposite. I see why God says do not despair but have hope in him. I gave my scars to God and CHOOSE HOPE over despair. It's a way better quality of life my scars don't hurt so bad and I'm less blinded. Anyway my pastor talked about letting God write the story yesterday and that helped me get over how unfair it is to face demonic oppression when you trying to spend time with your daughter. I already know I can't feel like everyone else and I have to have my scars agitated to where my mind is in shambles and I'm not present and I miss what the moment wanted me to see and receive. In my anger and rebellion I realized my scars have gone to deep. And, the culprit wasn't God it was the voices. Now I just ignore them or say in my mind you just want me to despair. Anyway I'm ok with God writing the story if he wants to allow demonic oppression when I'm seeing my daughter so be it. His ways are greater than my ways. And, I saw a tiktok of a woman crying saying that when she suffers she praises God seeing such a valiant soldier filled with the love of God inspired me to praise him through my trails.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8gbqyc9/ Crunchyroll is using the death note to strike down all the pirate sites but they don't even have bleach on crunchyroll and HBO max license for bleach just ended. My gf was watching bleach on HBO max then it disappeared so I told her to watch on 9 anime but now it's shutdown crazy how is she suppose to finish bleach. Edit: She's watching it on Netflix the Philippines Netflix has it. The US Netflix doesn't and I guess you gotta use a VPN to watch any bleach episodes besides the thousand year blood war.

Yesterday my doctor was concerned about my weight, which makes sense. I dropped 7 pounds in a month. It seems like every 5k run I do I lose a pound. I can only do once a week. I also do a 3 hour pickleball session after work one day a week with co-worker friends, then work out with my dad on the weekend for arm strength. As soon as I recover I push myself hard. First goal of hitting under 130lbs is hit. I just want to work on my 5k time which I'm still struggling with. I hit that 31:15 time pushing myself to my limit, but most days I still can't get my time under 33. Maybe in a month or so....

Trademark deez nuts https://media1.tenor.com/m/KSkipzR-ywoAAAAC/meme-gottem.gif

https://media.tenor.com/7DlG3GgmE-cAAAAM/trying-to-walk-running.gif My legs are jello. My daughter said I'm here I'm gone. Lol she out like a light. I'm up he sees me I'm down.