Better way to put it. Shit be rocking my shit. But, some people use it to suppress things I wonder how. How do I hop on that wave. But, I'm just a goofball who knows nothing. It definitely open doors to psychosis and schizophrenia. I approach it with caution my gf wants to smoke but it's illegal out here.

@yaasshat Gorilla grip. Schizophrenia meds. Life long porn addiction desensitized. To much in my head trying to give out good dick and keep it hard enough so i never relax and enjoy. Stress. Performance stress. I'm fucking cooked mate. I think my lack of interest in cumming is because I rarely feel shit. But, I always been like that. I just make sure she gets hers and I could care less about mine cause it just stress me out. Only rarely do I feel like oh shit this is good it's not her fault I'm just not senstive. Mega cooked it is what it is. I'm thankful for these pills or she wouldn't cum no times. Also, I'm a narcissist sex with someone who doesn't feel alot of emotions can't be that hot but she say it's hot. Idk man I gotta work on my sex life. I got a understanding gf so that's nice. Dick problems hit different it feels like you going insane. Whoever cooked up them pills is a life saver.

I slept in the closet and in the bath tub and on people porchs and missed 200 something days of school. Nobody checked on me not my mom not my dad not the school. It was like I didn't exist. I think the bullying turned me into a narcissist. I guess I felt the only one who could protect me was me. And, that I must hide from everyone. And, I must be smarter than everyone in order not to get hurt. I should of told my parents I exist and that I'm hurting. But, that would of risked them sending me back to school. When I got kicked out of school for threatening a teacher who balled up my art. In alternative school a teacher there ex Army said why kill each other and go to jail when you can go to the Army and kill people for money. That dude saved my life. And, that shit made the most sense I ever heard. Part of me joined the Army to dish out what the world dished to me. Until I seen the reality of war. And, how my mind actually differs from callousness of it. I remember seeing a man blown up and as they was operating on him they was laughing that's the last thing remember and I was like why are they laughing he's in pain. Edit: Anyway, everything turned out fine I don't want for nothing. Everything in my life is on easy mode not counting the narcissism and schizophrenia. I'm healing and getting closer to God because even though I still sin I know where I came from and where I'm at and that makes me say God is good. I have a amazing partner that's patient with me as i unlearn survival mode. If I had to bitch I'd bitch about not having emotions. But, we can't have everything. I'm pretty blessed as is. Edut: Why do all these kids shoot up schools just go to the Army and earn some money if your situation made you a maniac. My brother had a gun I took some pictures with it. But, I never thought about harming the school. Edit: I guess God has always been protecting me. I remember that time I took fighting demons more seriously than my mind could handle and I saw light orbs surrounding me and I felt a ball burst in my gut and it felt warm and good it felt like joy. I wonder is that what other people feel. Though I wouldn't know what joy feels like because I'm a narcissist. But, anyway I remember I became a soldier to committed for my mind to keep up and I was walking around with a machete. God protected me and my love ones from my insane ass my heart was in the right place but my mind was underdeveloped. I was just trying to fight demons. But, my mind couldn't handle such a fight at that time. I think that's why the light orbs was surrounding me to protect me. I was fasting doing communion working out to gospel. When I went to my court hearing the light orbs was still there and one of the guys pulled me into a room and asked me do I believe in God. I guess by the way I was acting he could tell I was battling my flesh. I battle my flesh now but at a good pace. But I remember the time when I was at full blown war with it and was rushing. And, that mfer was whooping my ass. I could of killed someone. I took a break from Christianity for a while until I had a developed brain that could handle it.

@gabriel_true Day(s) 118 (day 118 actually should be the 12th, but I forgot to write you on the 11th) and 120: I'm so sorry for missing you on yesterday! I don't know where my brain was at on that day lol, but I suppose I'm writing you your message for today (and yesterday) very early. I just want to tell you that my God is great, and even better than that, there's absolutely no words I could give to describe just how perfect He is and how much I love Him. I'm sitting in a closet at 5:37 in the morning sobbing because of the remembrance of His wonder working power that is/has been made manifest in my life and those around me, whether that be knowingly or unknowingly. I have been struggling a lot with myself and my thoughts last year and the start of this one, but I praise my Heavenly Father that gives me the wisdom and maturity to reflect on the ways He has shown up...even when I couldn't perceive it at the time. God is my Jehova Jireh; my Provider of all things, and He has been using the friends in my life (you guys) to prove to me how much He listens to me. I see God's goodness in everything: the sky, a blade of grass, a flower, people, nature, the clothes I'm wearing and even the ability to take time to simply sit still. My God is a God who's more than enough even when I'm not. He's a God who gives and takes away, yet gives us the spiritual tools to endure those seasons where He takes for our good (that we may not see as good at the time). My God is a God where there is no variableness or shadow of turning within Him; a perfect being, yet who shines His light within me because He is more than good to me. If I were to never achieve much in this life. If I were to not have achievements or popularity as people count them...I'm fine with that. I just want to love how God loves and hope that that same love of my Heavenly Father is a beacon of hope and a ray of light to everyone on this site and in this world. If the only thing I could ever do was to love until my last breath, then I'd pray that I'm faithful with the little I've been given, because I serve a God who is more than enough, so to act in His love IS more than enough for me. - God Is My Heart: Ying-Ying

Me and my gf just finished Blue Lock she loved it. She said she's gonna read the manga. We now watching the beginning of Bleach. We saw the Thousands Year Blood War but she hasn't seen the beginning of Bleach.

@wei_ying Thank you for your kind words and thank you again for talking to me I became a better human because of it. I'm not actually putting myself down. I'm saving myself. A blow to pride for a narcissist is a win. Intelligence is closely related to pride. And, by hearing others very smart opinions my Intelligence doesn't seem like something to have pride in. Which isn't a blow to me but a blow to narcissism. I'm ok. This was good because my mind gets grandiose sometimes. And, I have to much pride in my intelligence. So don't worry I'm fine:) @a_wesley_g I'm glad she opened your heart that's a very nice thing to hear about. I like that quote. I'll just know myself to be a fool because being told otherwise a narcissist ego can't hold on to that without feeling special or important. And, I don't want to feel that way I just caught a break by interacting with people I'm gonna try to extend this as long as possible and learn i have much to learn.