Let's hear all your bad advice
Always tell a woman she will look better if she smiles
If you aren't sure a wire has a current running through it, close your hand around it to test
Theft is just a social construct.
Take the oil out of your car, it's a lie by the automotive industry to fund the oil industry, oil does nothing to your car and it will run just fine without it. Some cars even burn oil to force you to buy even more of it. Big oil is lying to you sheeple!
if you stub your toe, just amputate your fingers
it will distract from the pain in your toe (tip from Jacksfilms)
If you are tired and constipated take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time.
If you run out of shampoo, just use some mayonnaise instead. It'll work just as good
Women love it when you ask them if they're pregnant.
Put sandpaper under your windshield wipers to quickly de-ice your windshield