Vent

Nothing seems to going right and all I can do is cry when the kids aren't looking and try my damnedest not to let that frustration flow onto them... Fucking fail all around. Sure, I'm feeling sorry for my ass, but damnit... When do I get mine or can I even do that much?

Never. Ever buy from fucking wallmart marketplace. Lord forbid if they ship you the wrong fucking item because of their wild fuckin west marketplace filled with sellers wanting to fuck over wallmart by sending you a cheap knockoff, then in turn you have to get fucked over because you have to deal with their fucking customer service returns seven layers of hell where you have to talk to a ladder of fucking 5 OR MORE managers whose job it to make things take even longer to get anything done. God help your pitiful soul anybody who steps into the customer service area. Every time I step foot on the property of a Wallmart, my disdain for humanity grows just a little bit more.

Father saying I'm lazy is sometimes correct, yet looked at as rude by others. People avoid him just to seek positivity no matter whether correct or incorrect. Cousin saying I'm not lazy is about the same direction as what father wants me to go toward, but in a reassuring tone. Me being considered "most beloved" sometimes feels like a fairytale when others in the family are obviously doing "better". Favoriting everyone equally is deep conformity. "Why can't you be like them?" VS. "Comparing is meaningless!" Being sincere is way more difficult than being ironic.

I honestly wish i could go back in time. I hate my past self for putting me through this nightmare. Why did i ever think it was a good idea to come to Alaska. Here where I only have one dealership in town so they can charge out the ass for everything. Tire change, oil change? Thats gonna be one grand. Oh you already have the tires? Still one grand. Shoveling like 4 feet of snow every 2 weeks. No good food or variety around here. Everywhere the rent is almost 2k. Cant even go shopping anymore. I used to look forward to shopping but these days thats such a chore for me. Everytime I can expect to spend $100. With inflation groceries look like $160 rn compared to 2022 when i got here. The job sucks ass, i keep getting screwed over by the people in charge. 2025 cannot come any sooner i swear, first chance i get imma get tf outta this place.

You know what sucks about being below the iceburg when it comes to the paranormal? You don't bat an eye whenever the normal stuff that freaks people out happens, and you come off as a skeptic yourself because you've seen the phenomenon enough to know when someone is making shit up about it. So when you get some shit on your chest that you need to unload? The only people who believe you are witches, psychics, occult magicians, necromancers, the occasional theistic Satanist, and exorcists. Cause even the people who believe in the surface level stuff are going to be quick to assume you're making shit up. I'm well past the point where a demon or poltergeist could scare me. In fact, I'm one of the rare people in the space that can send them running in terror. It isn't about getting attention. Even I have to unpack every once in a while. The skeptics I at least understand. Then there are those who just don't want you to know that a living human can fight back. Those are the types I despise more than anything. And granted, I don't want normal people to know what I know. Most dark entities out there? They aren't what people think they are. After a while, you start to learn some stuff. The nuance between predatory elementals and the maliciously demonic. Dealing with the former is animal control, not exorcism. And humans are NOT powerless! Er, sorry if none of that was coherent, those are feelings and feelings are not logical.