Chocopyro

@rafaelsanzio You know what we know so far. We're looking into it, but we don't even know who she procures the chicken from. We did find a lead on where the bacon and beef patties come from. Found ties to the Amish maffia. There's this little farm yonder way o'er em hills. Haven't seen any cows or pigs, but thats gotta be were they're held at. The Amish have it pretty well guarded though. No way we're getting in till the heat dies down. @lewd_araragi Health department? Don't you think we've tried that? Same weird Mennonite guy every time. Dude has a beard like Abe Lincoln. And a hat like ABE LINCOLN! He ain't honest like Abe though. Pretty sure he works for Granny Hard-ass. Also, little known fact. Wendies crew members don't get worker's comp. We get fined instead. Comes straight from our pocket or direct deposit from our bank account. Pretty sure its illegal under Ohio state law, but... There's no HR. Instead, we're taught to improvise, adapt, and overcome. @verucassault If only. There is no punchline. Anyways, I have another story, but I'll tell it tomorrow. Encountered my first Karen on the job today. Shit was kinda crazy, even by my standards.

@lewd_araragi A Mandril is far more than a mere monkey. It is 88 pounds of pure testosterone with a pungent odor worse than the spray of a North American skunk. But yes, I did see a stubby tail when lining up for my turn to get whacked with a ruler. This confirms they are in fact monkeys, not apes. And no, I was not trying to look at its multicolored butt. (Its hard to not look at though. High contrast compared to everything else in the environment.) Not actually as closely related to baboons as once thought. Yet as they are still on the threatened species list, we are not legally able to fight back. And it would end very badly for us if we tried. Even as a group with the weight, height, and leverage advantage, we simply lack the pure tenacity and brutality of the Mandrill. If you're wondering about the logic behind the mandrill, our hiring manager has deemed that as they are social primates with the ability to use tools (They often use sticks to clean themselves), they are in fact higher on the intelligence rating than the person I was brought on to replace. When asked about this, she simply gave a hand wavy remark like "Don't smoke pot when you're young." This does not bode well for my job security if I'm expected to be on the same playing field as our new hire.