Vent

Serious Vent: I'm not a smoker, but I really needed one tonight of all nights, So that's what i'm doing as I write this... Been a rough few weeks. Started when my fiance left me and there's been a gaping hole in my soul ever since. Secondly, My car broke down, and despite my attempts to fix it, it still cost me 778$ in parts. Tonight my sister came over to my apartment because she felt it was the only place safe for her, turns out she got high with her bad influence of friends a few hours prior and ended up overdosing on my couch, though despite helping her and eventually getting her stable enough until the ambulance arrived, I was unable to go inside the hospital with her due to a stupid covid-policy still in place because I'm sick. Now, I sit here in worry and deep emotional pain... I just hope this deal with this company works out in my favor next month... I really need a win. Shit-sucks! But gotta keep moving. https://c.tenor.com/M9Q_ScsPYMcAAAAC/cowboy-bebop-smoke.gif

One of my uncles told me one person smokes for reducing appetite, reducing stress, rewarding himself, etc. I don't smoke and neither did my same uncle nor my big brother. I'm so sensitive to smoking and other similar things, I tried to make my mother quit smoking showing my emotions and she finally quit. I prefer music as my therapist. But my big sister and stepmother won't quit. My father used to, then he puffed cigars, then quit on his own because he rarely needs any help.

Some people are so broken that they truly believe they need crutches. Maybe they just need to accept things and gain strength. I used to smoke and the excuses are always the same, but they were always excuses. No one "needs" those kinds of toxic things and everyone knows it, but it's hard to truly admit it when the addiction (Multiple addictions, really. Psychological and physiological.) makes it feel so needed. I wish I could get my girlfriend to quit... I've stayed up countless nights stressing about it...buuuuut...*crosses fingers* by some luck, her pregnancy and my daughter seem to be right on track and doing well. Let's just hope nothing happens to either later in life. It sounds so easy to just quit, and for many it is, but many many more have a much harder time as with any drug. I just wish she'd stop and I know she feels the same...shit fucks with me... anyways... Don't do drugs.... Mmmk?

@yaasshat I wish your family well. Seems like you have had a rough ride over the years. You appear to be holding fast against the tides, so I'll trust ya to overcome this battle.

Oh, it's not a battle, persay. She knows how I feel, I know how she feels, there no point in beating a dead horse causing MUCH more undue stress... It's just a weird situation. Most would vilify someone who smokes while pregnant (She's broken down many times because of how she feels about smoking while pregnant.), however, it's not quite that cut and dry with all of the nuances.... Anyway... I just keep telling myself as does she, it's gonna be fine. So far, so good, I suppose. I at least know that my daughter has been kicking the literal piss outta her.lol So, that's good.

If it's just cigarettes I'm confident it'll be ok. My grandma smoked through 4 pregnancies to have my mom and her brothers. My father's mother did the same having 6. It is understandable to want your girlfriend to have the least amount of complications, but usually you won't have to worry unless she has a pre-existing condition. That's what unfortunately tends to be the biggest deciding factor as my ex and I learned the difficult way.

All signs are pointing to "It's ok.". Thing is, it does affect the unborn child and it's not just by birth defects or death. I don't want to normalize or make it seem insignificant, but I also try not to harp because it's not like she's isn't well aware, very well aware. It's just a stressful thing atop many other things for the both of us. Trust me, no doubt y'all are gonna see at least one new born baby pic in oh... Less than a month and a halfish? (Quickly it shall be deleted because of weirdos... Ya freaks.lol)