Vent

You know what sucks about being below the iceburg when it comes to the paranormal? You don't bat an eye whenever the normal stuff that freaks people out happens, and you come off as a skeptic yourself because you've seen the phenomenon enough to know when someone is making shit up about it. So when you get some shit on your chest that you need to unload? The only people who believe you are witches, psychics, occult magicians, necromancers, the occasional theistic Satanist, and exorcists. Cause even the people who believe in the surface level stuff are going to be quick to assume you're making shit up. I'm well past the point where a demon or poltergeist could scare me. In fact, I'm one of the rare people in the space that can send them running in terror. It isn't about getting attention. Even I have to unpack every once in a while. The skeptics I at least understand. Then there are those who just don't want you to know that a living human can fight back. Those are the types I despise more than anything. And granted, I don't want normal people to know what I know. Most dark entities out there? They aren't what people think they are. After a while, you start to learn some stuff. The nuance between predatory elementals and the maliciously demonic. Dealing with the former is animal control, not exorcism. And humans are NOT powerless! Er, sorry if none of that was coherent, those are feelings and feelings are not logical.

I thought I was doing the right thing by seeing myself as the proportionate amount of evil I deserved to be viewed as. But, that doesn't work well when you had a problem seeing yourself in a good light in the first place. You can't keep taking all the bad you've done and holding your image hostage with it. To the point bad is all your image consists off. I do both good and bad but I never acknowledged when I do good because I deny that image. And, been denying it for the longest. To the point of losing touch with my good side. It has always been there I just fail to accept it. Because I was to busy keeping my image a hostage to what I felt it deserved. I felt I didn't deserve to view myself as good. Because I was to dangerous. But, I'm easing off now. I lived with a self hostile image for a long time in order to warrant a continuous thorough search. I cared so much about the bad in me I lost track of the good. Because I felt it would get in the way of me getting down deep enough to the roots of my evil if I accepted any of it. Problem is this shit hurts when you forget the light of good. It's unbearable. Which lead me to reunderstand myself again today when looking for a escape from the pain of my own prison. Fuck that shit was hard. I made the prison for a reason but damn If I wasn't perplexed how to get out. Turns out I just had to really want to give up on the search long enough to re accept I have good in me. I needed this break from being so ugly bad.

So mastercard is forcing Pixiv to remove all their "lewd" imagery because it offends their sensitive wittle eyes. Fuck off mastercard. So many damn companies trying to censor anime titties and it pisses me off! It's one of the biggest irritants I have about western culture. Everyone here is so afraid of anything sexual. Just a bunch of limp noodle old men trying to ruin the fun for everyone.

Apparently mentioning you've had a rough couple of weeks and thought it was okay to take a step back from playing with someone till you felt up to it again gets you the response "ew yuck" and blocked these days

after my divorce, in August 2021, and 4 months later, my Dad Passed away, added even more depression on top of my divorce. I still miss my Dad, and I'm glad he changed his life for the better, i spend as much times with my Mom and whatever i can to help her, mow her lawn, watch TV show, talk about things, only thing she wont let me help her was the dishes. I been closer to my mom than any of her kids, she as 4 including me, and my sister does the same for Mom too, but i think, which no one is ever prepared for a love one to pass away. I just might break completely. Sometimes i feel alone with my siblings, "The worst thing in the world isn't being alone,it's being surrounded by the people who make you feel alone." got a quote on a YouTube video, i felt more strongly if my Mom passes away. as for my Divorce, i was happy to get out of a bad relationship/Marriage, after a few months i was getting lonely and starting to miss the things i yearn for, just to hold someone in my arms, cuddle, sleep together, love her the way she wants to be loved, from there i was getting depressed, nothing but a good old Ice cream with Black cherry cheesecake, best ice cream i had so far got me out of my depression, until the news about my Dad passing away, its been 2 years since we split up and lived separately, felt much longer than that to me, i greatly missed having a woman in my life.

@edwardkingIII my sincerest condolences to you first off for your father and recent divorce. Are you feeling somewhat better since the split or is it still fresh? I know I wasn't married to my ex but when you spend every single day with a person to where you depended on them for alot it still leaves a mental crater you struggle to fill after they leave. I also used food to fill that void myself. I regret that because I was in the best shape of my life before. This is my only advice to you Do this to avoid anymore mental trauma or anxiety attacks: · Do not check on them on social media and block them (it's not being mean. It's protecting yourself for when they do find someone else. Seeing that will push you further on the edge) · Remember women will inevitably come into your life at some point because everyone is lonely deep down and wants a partner so don't lose hope · don't immediately go find someone else to replace her. It will be a rebound and you will not realize it when your wounds start bleeding onto this new woman and make her spite you · find a new hobby to distract yourself (mine is voice acting and editing along with script writing) or it can be video games too · when you feel stuck in your head take a walk for an hour or 30 minutes even · maintain no contact with your ex no matter what As for your dad passing away you can't do anything to remedy that loss and pain. Time will have to pass until it subsides. Can be months or years. It's okay to grieve letting it out. My dad died a couple years ago as well as my uncle last year. I still haven't gotten it all out yet. I pray that you feel better soon brother. Hang in there! You got this!

@Snakee_Dubs. It's all good, I was doing all that as you said about a year ago. Funny thing was my 2 Ex girlfriend wanted to chat with me on FB after, which i knew both of them knew my ex wife, so i didn't say much to them.

@edwardIII Yeah that's a good call. I didn't make the right choice when that happened with me ;^^ didn't do anything with them but they spited my ex and wanted to hurt her by getting to me. Mine was a year ago as well. Funny timing lol

Live by the idiot die by the idiot. Who books there flight before checking if there partner is ready? Me that's who. Who's it gonna cost $900 to re book? ME!!!! Thankfully my girl says she will get out of work so I won't have to. I feel like a dickhead for putting her in that situation. It's a really unique experience being me. My lack of awareness astounds me. They say mistakes make us human well damn I'm the leader bro. You can't get more human than me.