Random thoughts...

Sorry ass excuse for a Union lmao can't even give me updates on starting school. It's probably a sign to go up north after I'm done.

Today was miserable. I drove a trailer to a site with a BOL that had the name of the company clearly stating I was supposed to be there. But they made me sit outside the gate for over an hour because I needed a secret password. No you heard that right! Companies be out here literally needing code words to get in to their yard! I was like are you kidding me? I thought it was a joke, but no. Tailer #? Nope! BOL? Nope! Delivery time and address with company verification? Hell no! The secret word is Eggplant...

I just saw a band called noisy goat. I miss Portland, goats all over.. the other side of the mountain it’s too cold. Ya I like goats I like goats.

Jiju in your walls, scurrying about, chewing on your wires and stuffs https://media1.tenor.com/m/ImynLRLHO_QAAAAd/deadlvrs-cat.gif

OMG WE GETTING A SECOND SEASON OF GRAND BLUE BABY!!! https://youtu.be/IuKxqWZg5q4?si=xtkZOGu4ulqJfdbb

Nothing is more frustrating than having a company double charge. I hope the bank drops it automatically cause I really don't feel like having to go through the dispute process. Also this is the second time Sheetz has done this to me which is why this ticks me off the most. I don't know what it is about their automated system, but it's had a bad habit of double charging me for gas.

Some days having these feelings back gets hard. It's like a double edged sword. Meaning, loneliness is also magnified along with every other feeling that comes with it. Starting to realize that my ex's family was right about me having bad genes. No matter how hard I work my ass off, that I'm still just some loser. Yeah, I got personality but that only gets you so far. I try my best to do right always towards others, and what I know is right. I'm lucky if I even get a message from someone in my phone when I wake up. I was so desperate to be loved by someone I let the best years of my life pass me by. Let someone manipulate me into being a crutch so they could heal then discarded away. Then years after going back out trying it hits me that I'm not desirable. I'm not super tall or fit or handsome. People walk past me without giving me a second glance when I even say "Hi" or "Have a blessed day". The loneliness is crushing me and I'm tired of it.