Veru

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Veru @verucassault

Jan 30, 23 at 9:46am

I get that as well. Not only am I an introvert but I'm guarded around people when I'm first getting to know them. People say I'm intimidating, cold, snobby, but in reality I'm just not looking forward to getting close to someone and then finding a knife in my back. I don't like gossip, I hate drama, but people who feast on it will always try to drag others into it. It's my primary reason why it's hard for me to keep women as friends although I have met men that like to stir shit up as well, just more prevalent in women.

Empicca's Territory

lei @amarantha commented on Empicca's Territory

lei @amarantha

Jan 30, 23 at 2:57am

I dont have much friends for so many reasons. And whenever a random person tries to reach out to me I feel butterflies in my stomach sometimes…Cause like…Of all people…You chose me? I always get comments where people are intimidated by me because I dont look friendly and that I give spoiled rich girl vibes...Sometimes I also wonder how many people did not befriend me because they assumed things bout me...Like we couldve been close friends...the ride or die type of friendship but we chose to walk away and not know each other on a deeper level. Hkhk. ~

lei @amarantha Also not the type to gossip or pry much about other people's lives. I think it is one trait I am proud of. That I don't involve myself much on most issues, and if people tell me tea I am not the type to spill it out. My closest friends IRL, even my family can attest to that. But I think I am not involved much in that too because my circle is also not like that. I had a bad experience about it too. Way back highschool I kinda hanged out with some of my female classmates and they talked shit a lot about this certain person in the class. Next thing I know they told that specific person that I was the one who talked shit about her and I was fr shocked cause that person was crying Infront of me and I didn't know what to do. I explained myself to that classmate and to her mother that I did no harm. Since then Ive always been wary about other people. Always seat Infront of the class. And decided to do things my own. Always belonged to the floaters - students who have no known specific schedule, no specific groups or orgs...Also though for me men and women both stir up shit, in my experience it is always the men who have deeper tea and gossips, and most times the tea are disgusting or reeks male bravado.

Chocopyro @chocopyro left a comment for Veru

Chocopyro @chocopyro

Jan 29, 23 at 11:48pm

Alright, so basically the psychonaught definition is very similar to both the spiritual and occult definitions of the word, right down to the connection with divinity you were describing. The high vibe kids live in that stuff, and you can't get them back down to earth no matter what you try. Where as a person in stage 4 demonic possession is going to be carrying that trauma for the rest of their lives, if they're lucky. But assuming they make it through, sometimes parts of them just kind of awaken, making them more perceptive or resilient to those kinds of things. Honestly, given the mind stretching energies that we're working with, it doesn't surprise me how similar they are. Guess it's a phenomenon that anyone who is familiar with experiencing consciousness would know of. Like I said, I've experienced both. The latter is what I'm trying to come out of. I've always kinda viewed it as navigating a cycle, or perhaps just transformation. Though even with having navigated it constructively the first few times I lost someone, when I went to put the pieces back together, some of it was missing. The research you posted about DPD is very much what I'm experiencing. Although empathy isn't really what's being blocked. If anything, my empathic ability has increased, even if I have trouble telling what I'm feeling. But thinking about it like an anxiety. I've never really been the type to have problems with anxiety, but I think there might be something to that theory. At least it's a direction to orient myself to. That's something I did need.

Veru @verucassault It resembled some of what you were describing. Depersonalization is something I have experienced before coming out of bouts of depression. When I was a teen, again in college, even in my 30s. But some have even argued depression itself is transformative. You live with it, you survive it, it may have helped manifest changes to get better. Maybe it's a slight form of ego death that's excruciatingly slow. The psychonaut way is instant gratification and magnified. This is just me theorizing.

Veru @verucassault Coming out of depression though, I didn't feel that familiar connection to everything and the universe. I wonder what that chemical reaction is, if it's always just a small release of natural DMT in the brain, like when a person dies, or if it's something else we haven't yet discovered. I think that's why so many psychonauts chase it though. Melting reality to feel at one with everything. Mushrooms, ketamine, peyote, now ayuasca.

Chocopyro @chocopyro left a comment for Veru

Chocopyro @chocopyro

Jan 29, 23 at 11:00pm

Thanks!