The I’m stuck mentality. The thought that it can’t be helped. It’s the biggest thing stopping people from rising above their situation. But you don’t know what you don’t know. It can be easier to move and start over somewhere else than you might think. But if you haven’t been taught how, you would never know it. Personally speaking, it’s doing things I’ve never done and don’t know about. That’s the single biggest driver of my anxiety. Sometimes to the point of it being crippling. So I understand the feeling of moving to escape your situation feeling overwhelming or impossible. I can’t tell you how many times I was struggling with anxiety over something I needed to do and wished someone would help me get past this one thing. But other people aren’t going to do it for you. If you’re willing to reach and climb up yourself, people will more often give you a hand. But they can’t and won’t carry you… Don’t let appearance fool you, they’re all struggling themselves.

Yesterday developers at my work were showing demos of their AI experimentation and a senior developer was showing off how he was messing around with Claude AI plugin for Excel. It was a data spreadsheet of a game in development. He gave a few prompts. It spit out a literal PowerPoint presentation summarizing the data with charts, bars and graphs. He gave it a few more prompts. It ran an actual simulated game in command prompt. Then he had it create an instruction guide on everything it did. My mouth was agape. https://wp-media.patheos.com/blogs/sites/971/2017/11/gypst.jpg

I'm gonna try surrendering as best as I know how. God said not by might nor by power but by the spirit. I have the spiritual task to love people. But, the mountain of self won't move. I have people waiting on me to get better. I accept I can't move this mountain. So I'm trusting God to move it because I know he can. Jesus tells his disciples, "For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you. The spiritual task to love others feels impossible with my own strength. This mountain called narcissism is in my way. I hack at the mountain and move pieces at a time but I'm tired of hacking away at this mountain with my own strength. I need help. I try to tunnel through the mountain to meet others needs some times I make it sometimes the weight of the mountain collapses my path and the rocks become harder almost like the moutain is my heart... stone always blocking my path. I need this mountain of self & narcissism to move. God says I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh". I'm tired of dealing with stubborn stones. I can't wait any longer I'm tired how hard the stone is. I need help so I'm finally gonna try my hardest to surrender to God people are waiting on me. Stone is resistant to change. Instead of using all my strength to make a path everytime I trust God will move the whole mountain. Somethings deeply wrong with me and I don't think I can fix it with might and power I think it's only by his spirit. Lord have mercy on me. I need that heart of flesh that changes.

I miss going to conventions. So imma make it a point to go to ACEN this year. I WAS thinking about C2E2 buut it's short notice and I don't really have the time to get to it this year. But yeah on Acen! If you're gonna be there as well, let me know! Meet ya boi Halo and we'll hang out, take pictures it'll be a blast.

@gabriel_true Day 148: I had pizza today! Do you understand how much I love pizza, and how happy eating it made me? The answer: very. I also got hummus to go with the rest of my Birthday bread that I got as a gift, I mean, I can eat the bread by itself completely, but I really adore hummus as well. I love it's taste so much that I can eat it by itself lol. - Hooray! For Hummus: Ying-Ying

Look, I know a lot of people had it rough with the surge in grocery prices, but grocery stores are STRUGGLING with their "dynamic pricing". Kroger stock is only up 22% this year! Can't you people just think about the poor shareholders???

Okay round 2 happened today. After 4 days of rest, I ran another 5k and I managed to do the whole thing without slowing to a walk or cramping side. 35 minutes. My best was 32. I'm still at a beginner level but I really want see under 30 minutes.