Sorry to ask...

I didn't want to make an entire topic, but I do wonder at what point is it appropriate to tell someone you have a debilitating mental illness(or a few)? I've considered putting it into my profile just to cut out the ones who can't handle such things, but I also don't want to attract the narcissists I did before. I prefer being upfront but I also don't like the idea of feeling dehumanized because of the illnesses I have.

I would suggest you put it in your profile so you can avoid those who cna handle and those who say "i didn't know" when they do actions that affect you directly

Interesting that you should post this thread now because I've been aiding a long time friend through their own struggle to find a community that can fully understand their predicament. Having a disability of any kind is challenging enough, but mental health related disabilities are the most daunting because it comes in many different forms. The general public often is not brought up with the right education to adapt to individuals with such issues. Often it goes unintentionally unrecognized and people defer to the ye old, "I'll pray for ya!" before dipping. Many have mental health disabilities, but few are equipped to face such dilemmas. Both the person interacting with the disabled as well as the disabled individual themself are battling a quagmire of obstacles that could be summed up as like an iron wall where both people are trying to climb over to face each other, yet because of the barrier between them they can't see the other's side to offer proper help. Only guess by what it sounds like or what they imagine the other person is going through as they try to get over said iron wall. Last month my friend confided in me that they were tired of living with their grandparents and were going to rent an apartment. Before they went any further I asked my friend what they thought renting an apartment was like? How much money per month did they need to put aside from their part-time job in addition to the utility bills as well as insurance. Suffice to say they didn't know. They hadn't the capacity to discern the necessary budget to afford such a place. Then they started to brake down and cry because they understood just how woefully equipped they were to live on their own despite being in their 30's. Being high functioning didn't help because to someone not having known their disability they appeared to simply be purposely dense rather than simply incapable of doing on their own what a majority take for granted.

I don't want for you to be discouraged as one should never feel as if its hopeless or as my friend will often say to me through tears, "I'm so sorry, it's my fault. I don't know why I can't figure this out on my own!" It's heartbreaking to have to remind my friend it was never their fault. We live in a difficult world, however those of us who have God's grace to be mentally well should be willing and ready to take up the challenge of befriending as well as offering genuine help to those struggling to find a place they can feel like they're welcome. It should never be left to "someone else" when there are those of us standing near to bring genuine comfort to another in need. You shouldn't have to explain yourself or your condition as it should never be an issue to begin with to those socially and spiritually mature. Yet sadly it may be necessary as people who mean well can be just as misinformed about a disability as someone with malicious intent to do harm. I want nothing more than to lend solace that despite your past dealings there most certainly are others available to be their as friends or more if they and you can work out the necessary details to form a real mature relationship.

Feels like the sort of thing you should tell people sooner rather than later rather than string them along and dump it on them later. Hiding stuff from people that are a big deal to them will just make things worse when they eventually find out.

Yup. While they don't need to know all of trauma or whatever (Immediately, that is.) knowing what they're getting into is a good start. As long as it's not your identity. I have depression issues and I laid it flat out as such. That doesn't mean that's my persona, but it's part of the package at times. It really depends on how you come across and don't just focus on talking about that, we ALL have baggage. Rather, let it be something to consider.