What parts about yourself do you wish you could do better?

@yaasshat , never said this while i was active those years before, but let me say it now, upon reading your posts here. I really do appreciate you as a fellow human. I'm sure others here feel likewise. For whatever that's worth to you.

Y'all are going to make me cry, I know I said it before but you guys have helped me so much as well. @yaasshat No, you are right, families should be a team. And I didn't mean what I said above in the sense of them literally taking my burdens away XD, that's an unrealistic standard for anyone and you said it perfectly. My family has helped me and I them as a support beam, a pillar to lean on and someone to help carry those burdens (as a team and not literally shoving it off onto them) to hopefully make them easier to carry and handle...it hasn't always been easy for us, but ultimately that's what family is to me. People you can lean on and come to when the world or even yourself gets to be too much. But those tough times is also what made us closer. I'm getting sappy, but thank you and everyone for your kind words. I still don't fully know what I did to deserve it? But if you guys are happy, I am too. Cause whether y'all believe it or not...you guys deserve good things as well (I don't care about what you've done or are still doing to this day). You all have a beauty inside that I see and adore, some of you may say you're broken or something? But I just see beauty despite the cracks...plus, I think everyone has been a little bruised, broken and bent at some point. You aren't alone and sometimes our minds come against us to make us think we are, aww I just love you all so much! Let me stop cause I'm sure you guys are tired of me repeating sappy stuff lol

I've honestly hit a point of nihilism where I can't bring myself to answer, because as aware of my faults I am, I am content to endure the rest of my days with them until I die of natural causes... Thing is, I talk to dead people enough to know that's not the end of things. That shit lingers with you as you pass along. So objectively, I know this needs to change.

I'm very lazy, especially on my free time. I'm bad at keeping in contact with people. Not because I want to, just because I am bad at it. I tend to think everybody around me is actively judging me just to avoid thinking most people really don't care about me. I have difficulty trusting other people. Sometimes when someone fist makes contact with me I tend to be on defensive, tho I try not to show it. Because of that, sometimes I misjudge peoples intentions so either I open up too much or nothing at all. Even going through bad times I don't seek help from others. I think to myself that's what's right but deep down I know it's not. I often use self deprecating humor because it's easier than facing facts. I love to chat/talk to people about common interests and hobbies but sometimes I don't do it because I fear I'll bore the other person. Shit I'm probably just admiting to this because I don't know anybody here on a personal level.

Another thing I wish to do better with is my tiredness. I sometimes feel like I just want naps all the time (which I do), but there have been times I would get so upset with myself to the point of tears because of how tired I am lol. I'd start out awake and ready for the day, but two minutes later I am tired. It's probably just something wrong with me at this point? But I don't have time or money for a full check up, I have started trying to get on a better sleeping schedule though. Also, also, I feel like I've missed out on certain things (family things) cause my urge to sleep was getting to me. I really think I just have an issue telling myself no to certain things (like sleep) and so I have been trying to work on some self-discipline (it's been going pretty well)

@wei_ying tiredness can be linked to alot of things, either physical or psychological (or both). I've been like this ever since I can remember so I believe it's just the way I am. But I can relate on that last part, especially when I was younger. My family moved when I was 7 and we would return to our home on vacation every year on August. Back then there was no internet, phones and whatnot, so I would spend the mornings sleeping till evening. I would miss lunch, family members coming to visit, etc. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change that. Some of those family members are no longer alive and I miss them dearly. Till this day I am still like this. For me I think it's a mix of being lazy and lacking motivation to do some things. Or someone to motivate me idk

Another thing I think about with myself is overthinking things too much. I tend to want to say things about myself or speak about something that's been bothering me and I overthink it too much, that causes me to 1. Never talk about my problems or 2. Clam up and shut down. It doesn't help that I am used to it as I am used to talking to someone in my life that gets angry and I've come to a point I just shut up cause it seems he never listens ):...I try to have patience and say what's on my mind (I've tried multiple times and he hardly ever hears me out) but I can never get a word out cause he gets so angry and shouts, he even threatens sometimes when he does and that has caused me to shut down and keep thoughts to myself. Not just with him but with other people I know for a fact won't have outbursts like he does and then I feel bad. Another thing is not doing things because I get too nervous or something. My eldest sister invited me to exercise with her cause it'd be fun and I know if I go that she'll accept me with enthusiasm and open arms, but I think I would feel ugly or silly and don't want to break down crying in the middle of exercise XD. But I know it would be fun and I've been thinking of trying some sort of exercises , maybe I should brave up and try it with someone I love anyway? Anywho, sorry if I shared too much XD. It's just nice to share these things with somebody

I really need to do better at sleeping and eating at proper times, that is something that I often think about, especially my eating habits. I think this is something I have mentioned a couple times before...but I don't think in great detail. But, I often try to remember when my eating habits (especially my eating habits) got so...bad? In a sense I guess. I can remember when my sleeping schedule got messed up, but I never remember exactly when I started to eat less than before (or if I've always been this way in a sense). I have a horrible habit of waking up and then waiting hours later to eat, even when I am feeling my hunger, I literally did this today! I woke up around 5-6 AM and ignored my hunger for...7-8 hours straight despite knowing that I am hungry. I honestly need to get better at self-care in general cause the LORD knows I need it. :( Edit: Oh! And I also don't know if me ignoring my hunger most days stems from growing up poor/in poverty? My family and I definitely weren't starved when I was young, but I just try and figure out what is wrong with me. lol

I had to think about this, but I was also reading through the responses. I'm quite glad @wei_ying can feel like this is a safe space to self-examine. I think that self-reflection is a good sign of a decent human being and a good step toward being even better. As far as ignoring hunger, it depends on the person, but it's definitely possible to develop an estranged relationship with food as a result of growing up in poverty. So, down to things I could be better at? I'm a control freak, a neat freak, I don't trust people, I don't let loose, I don't take breaks like I should, and yet I feel so lazy. I've only worked on my art like maybe two hours today? And written four paragraphs. That's nothing like it should be. Granted I did network today, too, but still. I feel unproductive. I often feel an insatiable desire to be useful to everyone because my self-worth is tied to my ability to pay for myself. Since I'm unable to do that right now, I'm useless. With all these on top of the mental illness things, I am torn between wanting someone to help me through this shit but I am too responsible to put anyone through this nightmare. :D TL;DR: I'm a workaholic flavored goddamned mental mess.