Embarssing Stories

When I went to work one morning I was really gassy because I ate a vegan friendly dinner. I had headphones in, jamming out to music, when all of a sudden I felt my seat vibrate from underneath me. Good lord, I had let out a massive fart without ever thinking about it. I don't know how loud it actually was because I had noise canceling headphones. Other people had headphones in but to this day I don't know how many people heard me rip a loud fart at work. That's why I can't ever go full vegan.

@arc The only way to deal with something like that is look up and around. Then state, "oops" and go back to what you were doing before.

One time my mom bought me these shorts made out of this weird type of material, I ended up wearing them to school and eventually I noticed a really tiny hole at the bottom of my shorts. The hole got larger and larger and by the time I reached my afternoon class there was a huge gaping hole underneath me and my afternoon class was PE. Luckily no one noticed the giant hole since it was directly underneath me and unless someone stuck their head in between my legs it wasn't noticeable. However the cafeteria which is where PE class was held was cold and not only that we started playing dodgeball while I liked playing dodgeball one wrong move and I would've exposed everything so I was on guard the whole time making sure no one noticed and after close calls like when I jumped up to get the ball forgetting about the gaping hole I managed to go throughout the day without anyone realizing a smarter thing to do would've been to go to the office and get a pair of pants but my brain wasn't working anyways when I got home i threw away the shorts and never used the other ones made of the same material

Story time, when Adele's Hello first released it played on the radio during my patrols allllllll the time so I ended up loving the song and learning it word for word. Faat forward around two months to where I am eating at a crowded on post food court. Hello comes on and in my head I am singing the song word for word and nailing it. About halfway through the song I look up and realize everyone in the food court is looking at me, turns out I'm singing this song at the top of my voice. I literally get booed by two people so I stand up take a bow and then get the most awkward applause from one person who jokingly cheers and calls me the male Adele.

Fell asleep (no snoring, just eyes closed) during haircuts at my barber's, on multiple occasions Thank god I was still as a rock lol