Vent

It's literally all about faking it until you make it. But, what do the therapists I've been to know? Gotta expose yourself, yo.

Here is a pro tip on how to not litter in other people's yards. Take a trash bag. Open it. Place unwanted garbage into bag. THEN, and this the most important part, TIE THE BAG so it doesn't drop the garbage back onto the ground! AND WHEN you are driving to the dump in your pick-up truck, WEIGH OR TIE the bags down so they don't BLOW OUT INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S MOTHAFUKIN YARDS DAMN IT! It's that simple. https://i.redd.it/9d8h1l1j5ak61.jpg

how did oshimi go from writing stories like aku no hana, boku no naka wa mari, happiness and chi no wadachi and shit out something like okaeri alice. the premise could have been meaningful, but instead its just self-insert indulgent ero muck. that in and of itself isnt wrong, thats 60% of all manga in general, but oshimi is so good at producing intense meaningful stories, why this? i knopw hes done fetish stuff before, but as one shots. okaeri alice could and should have been a one shot so he could get it out of his system and work on something good

@daggerfella i have a job (though night shift specifically so i dont have to interact with people) and its gotten better, but learning how to converse is impossible for me. not just irl but online. i have friends i made specifically so i could have people to talk to but i dont have the motivation, and when i do i get insane anxiety and shut down. just waiting for their reply kills me, i close the chat. part of it is not being on my meds, but another part is honestly just not knowing how to talk to people, even when theyr into anime. how many questions do i ask? when does that become weird to do? and i over analyze every fucking thing i tell them "they dont care" "why did you say that now they think your a fucking weirdo" "your cringe and they just cringed at you" irl when my coworkers huddle around to talk i just stand there, feeling like it would be rude to walk away but otherwise just smiling like a retard staring at the floor, hoping for a reason to slip away. sometimes they pull out their phones and idk if im ment to go and look, if im actually apart of the group or if im just a tag along extra they hope and pray fucking leaves. i had to quit my waitressing job because i had an anxiety attack during my shift because one of the other girls said i had a stain on my apron and i didnt know how to get it out. just cried in the bathroom for 5 minutes and left, quit the next day. iv already had three anxiety attacks at this job, but thankfully since its slow paced i can regather myself and get back to it. i hate people. i hate people so much i hate dealing with them. i love my job, i love taking care of people, but i do not want to be forced to socially interact with anyone. its a fucking spectrum of shit i feel like ill never get over because iv always been like this, since school to now. i hate people. i hate being forced to be around them. i wanna get my fucking job done and not be spoken to, that would be paradise. just let me read my books (dont fucking talk to somebody when theyr trying to read) and do my job. i dont even WANT to befriend these people, but just for my life to be simpler id sell my kidney to learn how to be a conversationalist and blend in, but itll never happen. iv never known how to deal with people and i never will. worst part is i cant be night shift forever, when i move in with my boyfriend im going to have to do day shift, and deal with coworkers and more people in general, and fuck i am loathing that. getting comfortable around people and learning how to speak are two different things, and whenever i do get comfortable enough to talk i usually end up feeling like a moron. im nice and courteous enough, but i always rely on awkward laughter to play off whatever dumb shit i said/did. i feel like a subhuman around normal people, and im sure they see that. oh and the assholes that are like "oh shes just shy? i thought she just hated me LOL" NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU NIMROD *deep breath* thankfully the majority of my coworkers are the kindest and chillest people, but wtf is gonna happen when i shift jobs? morning/evening shift are some catty broads, i do not think i could handle them. /rant (holy mother of text walls)

@momoichi If I may ask, Why do you think you're afraid of interacting/talking to people? Can you name 3 reasons why? Is that fear derivative of an experience you've had?