Your a Virgin but he/she isnt.

Yes, People are who they are because of their past and their life choices/experiences. It's insane to think people materialize out of thin air exactly as they are today. Time molds and shapes what people becomes, people learn from their experiences, change, grow, and evolve. Sometimes in undesirable ways. People make mistakes, it's part of growing up, but there are some mistakes you shouldn't make in the first place. There are things we're consistently being warned about and people should know better not to do them. Doing drugs, smoking, so on and so forth. People have the ability to make choices in their life, they can decide to do something or not to do it. If people decide to do something they know they shouldn't then they have to live with that. It's why people with criminal records can't get certain types of jobs. why people with accident history have high insurance premiums. It's why former child molesters aren't allowed to work at daycare centers. In the real world everything matters. All actions have consequences and people should learn to take responsibility for them instead of blaming everyone else for not accepting them for who they are and what they've done. Would you let a former child molester near your kids just because he says he's clean now? yeah I don't think so. I for one sure as hell don't blame anyone for my past or get pissed off at someone for not accept it. If someone doesn't want to deal with my problems that's their right. What right do I have to call them wrong for not accepting me? You can live anyway you want, you can even make a complete mess of your life if you so wish, but you can't expect other people deal with it. Why should I or anyone else be forced to clean up after your mess? It's not my fault or anyone else's that you decided to live the way you did. You know, my first girlfriend had a kid when she was still only 17. I had never even been on a date before then and suddenly I'm expected to be some sort of step dad? How exactly is that fair? Then there's my most recent encounter with a girl who had apparently been assaulted at one point. That much I can accept as it's something they didn't have much of a choice in, but then one day she calls me up and tells me about the guy she slept with the night before. Why should I have you put up with that? I didn't get mad or toss a fit or anything like that. I simply told her she can live her life any way she wants, but if it's going to be like that then I'm not going to be involved in it. Yet she had the nerve to get upset at me for being too judgmental. Mistakes aren't mistakes if they don't have consequences, and these days it seems like no one wants to accept the consequences of their actions. I find this incredibly selfish and with people living like this is no wonder relationships are a joke in this country. It's one thing to not want to deal with another person's problems, it's another thing to expect people to deal with yours.

Neet, I'm in no way talking about mistakes that are currently affecting ones life. The std thing, my choice and I understand those who would hit the road. I understand not wanting added baggage, but I guess I'm getting more at past character flaws rather than things like kids. I just go more off of how who I'm with now is currently versus what I may know about thier past. For instance, I had a girlfriend who had been with over 40 guys in the course of 3yrs or so. She was clean (damn sure checked that out) and treated me in a way that I'd deem acceptable, despite her past. Should I have just said no and once you sleep around you won't stop? I don't think that'd be fair, but I do agree that personal preferences are just that and fine. I just hate to see people so harshly judged without getting to know them. Also, a child molester is in another ball park all together.

yaasshat, I have no intention of knocking you or your life choices, but I for one wouldn't touch a girl who has had 40 guys in the course of 3yrs with a mile long poll. I don't know this person person but numbers don't lie and that's a very bad gamble no matter how you look at it. Even if you don't care about stds or how worn out they are, you have to realize there's probably gonna be a reason why someone has been with so many people. If you see 40 guys walk into a mind field one after another and each one gets blown up, you'd have to be kinda nuts to think you can do the same and be the one to clear it. There's a saying that I rather like which I feel applies to this specific situation. "Only a fool learns from their mistakes, a wise man learns from the mistakes of others." And actually yes I believe that does in fact effect the person's current state. There's no way a person can live that kind of life without it warping their mind to some degree or another. For example I used to know a girl that spent three years in an abusive relationship, that changed her and made it impossible for her to have a normal relationship again. After that she got used to being abused and went from one jerk to the next while just taking it till they'd loose interest and discard her then starting again with another guy. Stuff like that becomes second nature to people after while, people can become desensitized to just about anything with enough time and exposure. It's why drug addicts are always looking for stronger fixs, thrill seekers are always pushing the limits higher, and why sexual deviants are always exploring more and more bizarre acts/fetishs as they progress. Everything gets boring and mundane if you do it enough, That's why people should learn self control and to take things in moderation to better enjoy them. Imagine having your favorite food all day every day for the rest of your life, you'd get sick of it eventually. Likewise the more someone sleeps around the more it dehumanizes the experience. As I've said before in this topic it takes away any sort of special connection you have with a person and before you know it they eventually turn into just another warm body while you start to think sex is no big deal. Of course it's not when you take something special and suck all the life out of it and reduce it down to the level of a daily routine. I'm sorry but the way I see it the truth is you can not and will not ever truly be special to someone that's been in dozens if not hundreds of relationships, at that point you're just another guy in a long line of guys who each think they're special. But of course, you're free to believe what you want to believe. http://www.newsbiscuit.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Snowflake1963-2010-SMALL.jpg

Neet, I guess I've just seen and had otherwise. In otherwords, I'm not quite so jaded yet. I've tried to be the positive change and have actually seen major positive changes in others lives. Just remember, even a drug addict can stop and change thier life for good. We are all entitled to our opinions on such matters, but I'm coming from a place of experience as well and I'd like to think that I've had some rather positive experiences thus far. It's easy to make a quick judgment without trying to understand and learn. But, I again more than understand your stance. The only reason I'm continuing this conversation is because it seems like by shunning those with a troubled past, we're dehumanizing them and looking down from a high horse as if we are a better person for being able to say "But, I havent done that.". Again, we all have issues, but issues can be worked on and most can be overcome if one is willing. I'm not saying you should try to fix another, rather it's more about trying to be a bit more understanding of the human condition. Mind you, understanding and accepting are two different things. I don't just accept if I see the continuation of old habits, I'm not one to coddle either.

Having sex isn't a mistake. Just sayin'. Unless you're fucking careless about it. But then that's the mistake.. not the actual act of casual sex.

'I for one wouldn't touch a girl who has had 40 guys in the course of 3yrs with a mile long poll.' lmao ok bud

Fair enough yaasshat. I get what you're saying and yeah maybe there is something of an ivory tower there but it's not like I'm saying people who make mistakes in life aren't able to change. It's just that the more someone does something the more likely they are to keep doing it. If you want to try and help someone change their life then that's very nice of you. Although I should point out everyone sits on an ivory tower in one form or another. People love to look at others that are worse off and feel better about themselves for not being in the same situation e.g. "at least I'm not that guy". I'd be willing to bet even here and now most of the people reading this are going to be looking down on me for my opinions on this topic, not that I much care what people like that think of me anyway. Some rather nasty folk like to out right belittle or make fun of other people for their own satisfaction i.e., bullies which is obvious, but it also exists even in subtle forms with people saying things like "well I'm not like that!" or "I wouldn't do that!" which again is putting themselves above people who are 'like that'. I'm well aware these days in western countries it's the norm to treat sex like handshakes and people who question it to be seen as a creep or loser. I'm also well aware that people who save themselves for marriage or true love are considered uptight weirdos or worse, but just because everyone else is jumping off a bridge doesn't mean I'm about to as well. I for one just find it mind boggling how so people can ignore all the signs that clearly point to unstable relationships, yet still expect to have long lasting relationships and somehow manage to still be surprised when they've been cheated on by a person they known has slept around casually before. You're taking an unnecessary high risk gamble by getting involved with someone who has a track record. That said everyone's more than welcome to take that bet, I just wouldn't advise it.

It depends on the person, I'm not a virgin myself but if I would meet one I would REALLY have to like that person to be committed. I mean the whole teaching the ropes thing is really tiresome when your the first one.