I write a lot but I get writers block often
I know that some of us are able to write stories and some of us love to read stories but right now I'm looking for people that like to write stories as I am a writer on Wattpad hoping to see if there is any writers here as well.
Fake a smile
Hide the pain
All the while
Playing a game
I can not love
I can not hurt
But all above
I'm treated like dirt
You did not care
You did not cry
You claim you were unaware
When I said I wanted to die
You didn't believe it
Although it was true
I wanted to quit this shit
Even though I'll stay for you
write a poem about who you are, what you're feeling, what situation you're in, etc
no one likes me
(remaking this because the old one is gone)
In your honest opinion, why do you believe you're single? Is it by choice or something else?
I should start by saying it's a bit complicated for myself and it's not any one particular thing, so brace for a text wall.
I used to think I was great boyfriend material. Besides not being too bad looking in my opinion and being nice and friendly to people (nice for the sake of being nice, not nice to win favors and make people like me), trying to be a bit charming, and I always figured I'd go that extra mile to make my girl as happy as can be. I always figured I'd put her wants and needs before my own and as long as she's happy that's all I'd need. There's also being more of a listener than a talker, a person who isn't only interested in sex and values more strong long lasting relationships, someone who doesn't drink or do other drugs, hasn't even done jail time, and isn't violent and doesn't get upset easily. I've also got an interest in stuff most guys don't care about, like a lot of times people think I'm gay for wanting to go shopping with women and taking interest in fashion and cute stuff. Then there's being someone who respects women and treats them like people and not potential sex objects. I used to be a lot more naive and eventually realized women don't really want or care about that stuff too much and will take any old guy as long as he's assertive enough and maybe has some money to back it up. Needless to say I'm not good at forcing myself onto people like that. I'm not being bitter or whining, I just have a much better understanding of the way the world really works now.
I think one of my big problems is that I can come off as really unapproachable. I can't say for sure but I get the feeling I give off the impression of being an asshole, maybe pretentious and elitist too. Besides that a lot of my views and opinions probably make me seem very cynical as well. One girl on this site was actually kinda afraid to talk to me at first because she thought I hated all women, but then grew to like me as she got to know me better.
For that matter I've got trust issues. Time and time again I've dealt with people who take a liking to me at first but then grow distant after a few months then leave. My guess is they either get bored of me or inpatient and move on to someone they will give them what they want quick and easy. I'm someone who prefers to take his time and not jump right into anything after all. This is one of the reasons why I find stalker/obsessive types so interesting. They might have their problems but at least you can trust them to not bail on you.
Then there's the fact that what few interests, desires, and preferences I have seem to be hard to come by, at least in communities like this anyway. I wouldn't say I ask for much, I've never asked to land a rich moviestar girlfriend or anything like that, honestly the more humble and down to earth types I find more interesting. I don't even find large breasts appealing or care about asses. That said I though I'm only able to find women attractive if they have a certainly level of femininely or girlish (if that's even a word), where as tomboys really don't do anything for me. I know it may seem very vain and petty but the simple truth is I physically can't find a women attractive if she doesn't dress like a women. This is honestly kinda of a big thing for me and I've had to turn women down because of it. Unfortunately it's almost always girls I have little interest to take interest in me, where as my type don't seem to usually like guys like me.
Another issue that I have that can be a bit embarrassing to admit is I don't think I can ever be comfortable with a girl who's 'experienced' if you catch my drift. It's next to impossible to find women over the age of 20 who haven't been around the block a few times, lets be real. Heck, my first girlfriend already had a two year old kid at 17, and recently had a 16 year old barking up my tree who had already been with two guys so far (and no I'm not a pedo, I made it very clear to her I wasn't comfortable with the age gap). I know all women aren't sluts, but it's really hard to find ones who aren't. I mean, that's not exactly the sort of thing you can ask someone about when you first meet them. I realize this is something that I'd simply have to force myself to accept if I was to get involved with anyone, but I think it'd always bother me at least a little.
Location is also an issue. I'm not someone who thinks all women are trash, but in southern California it's hard to find ones who aren't. The type of girls I'm interested in are a rare breed in this part of the country/world. Around here the norm is for women to be slutty tattooed up drug addicts with massive entitlement problems on top of it all. If there's one thing I can't stand more than anything it's women who expect to be treated like a princess even though their lifestyles, appearance, and personalities are all garbage.
Skanks are common place here and my town in particular is overrun by land whales and white trash these days. It used to be nice here till the filth of LA noticed the lower housing costs here and flooded in ruining this town in the process. They've turned a once peaceful retirement community into an over populated borderline ghetto. I'm sorry if it sounds overly judgmental and mean but it's the truth. I've seen first hand nice girls I grew up with turn into trailer trash or criminals. It was honestly kind of depressing working security at the town mall and catching people I went to school with shoplifting.
I've meet decent people from out of state but no one wants to deal with long distance relationships. Can't say I blame em, the internet is full of creeps and weirdos so it can be hard to judge a person on text alone. Not to mention people generally want physical contact at some point or another, which can be hard with distance.
Then there's being too honest. While most people out there and especially on sites like this will avoid saying anything that might offend or alienate potential partners, I don't much care and will share my honest opinion without hiding anything. Relationships built on a foundation of lies and secrets will always collapse in time after all. Besides, how do you expect to get anywhere by just blending in with the rest of the crowd?
I've noticed people on sites like this only play video games like final fantasy, zelda, and fireemplem while only watching anime like deathnote, naruto, and dragonball. Their conversations are always the same like they're npcs spitting out pre-programmed dialog on repeat. It's like people are desperate to fit a particular mold and are afraid to stand out. when asked about what they look for in a partner they almost always give the same predictable responses, with guys usually being very vague. People's hive mentality really came to light when the site was getting attacked a few months back, and when everyone decided to gang up on some particular users for things they may or may not have done. Well, I guess it's like they say.. the nail that sticks out is the one that gets hammered down.
Lastly I'm not a very sociable person usually, anymore anyway... I can be when I need/want to be but for the most part I just prefer to keep to myself and avoid people. obviously that's not gonna get a person anywhere. I'm much better at that stuff online but we all know how horrible online dating can be. On this site alone it seems like most of the women are underage. If not that then really fickle, highly dismissive, or just not very appealing.
Honestly I'm not sure if I even want to get into a relationship with anyone. The idea of committing myself to some random stranger for the rest of my life is a bit scary. Sometimes I don't really understand how people can do it.
tldr; I'm just not cut out for this stuff and my location is a problem anyway, but I'm more than okay with being alone.