I'm busier than ever. Between 60 hour long weeks and working exclusively overnight I don't get much free time during the day. In addition to expanding social circles at church too. I somehow squeeze Anime into my schedule though usually once a week during my only off day. Haven't been to any conventions over the past year. Probably not doing anything for this year either. All that to say, life is going well. Well I did go to court last month because a cop randomly was running radar outside my house, however God be willing I got it tossed out, haha. Cost me $100 dollars regardless just to fight the charge. However it was worth it to not get points against my CDL.

This theme... https://youtu.be/n6ZN_rsEAGA?si=9GEOzJVF9pZxctdF https://youtu.be/APumJ95UH7w?si=fXqi0qAYB7NQVuMW https://youtu.be/NKSUb1734ng?si=8ReoxH4OKnFSJDxM ...was likely inspired by this song by CASIOPEA... https://youtu.be/s5z_QmegP1U?si=rDbL5DeEhHGPtQNc

A cup half full? Or, a cup half empty? "A cup half empty!" Replies the pessimist. "Nay, a cup half full!" Replies ever the optimist. But I? I would ask about the circumstances before I saw the cup. What do I mean by that? What I mean is that this saying (in my eyes) is more than just who is a pessimist and who is an optimist. It's very easy for both to give the answer they gave...but why is that so? It's not that either answer is wrong, but it is very easy to make your own assumptions about something before you think to ask how that thing got to where it was. Both answers can, on a technicality, be very correct. Example 1: If someone were to drink from a full cup and leave half the water inside. That makes the cup half empty. On the other hand. Example 2: If someone were to walk by and see the empty cup so they fill it halfway. The cup is now half full. This question is not to just garner the mental states of the person you ask it to, but it's a lesson to us all that circumstances matter and to not simply assume we know better just because we think we do. It's also a lesson in the very complex yet amazing mind of people. As I said, circumstances matter AND they also change. One day you might ask the once pessimist the same exact question, and they now answer the glass is half full, but why? It's because people's perspectives change. Sometimes you're in situations that make you feel half empty, so it will be very hard to hold onto hope and easier to see everything half as empty as you feel – but on the flipside, you can also have seasons where everything is right and it's easier to see everything through a positive lense. Let this saying be a reminder to us all that, no matter how each of us perceives something, we often have the choice to take a moment for ourselves and make our circumstances into something fuller or emptier. Don't wait for others to pour into you, pour time into yourself. So, will you choose to empty your cup or will you fill it?

(10:32 PM Mon.) Maybe I'm speaking too soon...but isn't it kind of odd how Gabby (gabriel_true) comes back and we haven't seen a bot in the forums yet? There's usually one for each day with a stupid new advertisement, but now that he's here again, they've stopped. If anyone suddenly sees a bot making a post in the forums, don't believe it! They just heard my complaint and are trying to prove that they aren't suspicious (when they totally are). That leaves us to wonder though if Gabby were those bots, or has he learned to control them and they were used to monitor us? XD

That femboy isn't the Emperor, it's this guy. Roboute Guilliman https://cdn.donmai.us/original/3b/25/__roboute_guilliman_and_lion_el_jonson_warhammer_40k_drawn_by_babulon__3b251876a53bc211581886e094637a82.jpg

as a recovered hikki neet and currently on meds, i try not to associate with people with mental health issues. i grew up with someone who was absolutely bipolar/extreme emotional irregularity that made my whole life hell is likely the reason for my anxiety disorder/social anxiety, (i remember my first reaction to learning she was arrested was to be relief that she wouldnt be around. i celebrated with my brother. we were just little kids and i think my mother was actually surprised. she has no idea the shit she put us through) and i never want to be in that situation ever again. plus iv spoken with some people on here that had problems related to emotion regulation that were not so great. its kool if you got your issues that your managing, but your issues can not be my issues. i dont make my depression/anxiety anyone elses issue, never have and never would. it feels like the pengulum has now stated that 'never hide your mental illness, dont be embarassed by it, ANNOUNCE IT AND MAKE EVERYONE ELSE YOUR THERAPIST.' i do think a healthy amount of shame should accompany a diagnosis. iv always had immense shame/guilt regarding others being involved in my own struggles, and i hold a subconcious disdain for those who do it (probz cause thats the kinda person i grew up with, made her pain everyone elses with 0 accountability)

I discovered empathy something they say a narcissist can't do. They say it's impossible. But, nothings impossible for God. I discovered in a low place remembering myself. The emptiness the loneliness the unfairness. The thought that nobody is coming to make it all better. That made me realize how I didn't come for people. How unfair I been to people. The pain I feel made me realize how I must protect people from the same pain. In my wrestling with God I realized he remembers me. And, I realized one crucial thing as a narcissist I keep remembering myself. The reason I'm not there for nobody is because I keep remembering myself. I remember what I can't do. I remember how selfish I am. I remember the lies the devil told me about God. I remember the pain inside me and the pain around me. I remember to fight with God. But, then I realized I don't have to remember this pain it's already remembered by God. I'm forgetting self. I'm forgetting my pain my limitations my beef with God my beef with myself. Cause God remembers me and I'm important to him. Narcissist remember themselves to much I see now I must make room to remember others. I found I'm more susceptible to God teachings if I don't remember myself. To me that's dying to self not remembering the pain that made me question God. Because God remembers. And, by not remembering I can forget the old and step into the new. I don't have to stay stuck remembering the old I can move forward with new memory Edit: I'm always remembering something old that God can't put anything new in me. Therefore I forget myself. The pain The limitations The knowledge against God.