Advice for the Socially Awkward

I usually do not seek advice from strangers the internet in fear of being ridiculed and criticized. As a shy person, I find it rather difficult to convey my words properly, to convey emotions not to be misunderstood. Naturally, I keep to myself. If I am feeling courageous, some days, I will express worries, concerns and feelings to a few close friends. Right after a small venting session, every time I expressed feelings, I felt a painful emptiness. In my head, I know my friends support and help during the most difficult times. Contrary, my heart doesn’t sway to the tune of my head, it remains empty. I feel like I cannot connect with another human on a deep level, be it friend or romantic relationship, trust is a huge issue. Over the years, I began emotionally and mentally distancing myself from profound relationships with people. Losing trust in people, I believe, is a dark loneliness that shadows your everyday life. It’s always on my mind how I distrust people pushing them away, emotionally, to be left feeling lonely again. I am unsure how to break this cycle. Writing in journals gives a paranoia I cannot express in words, seeking the hobbies I enjoy is rather difficult (I cannot focus on activities I deeply love for a long period of time) and talking to friends leaves this socially awkward girl to feel empty. In a nutshell, what advice would you give to a person who cannot trust other people? What steps can they take to regain a feeling of a mutual bond in relationships (friend or lover)? How would you handle the situation?

Well I can kind of relate myself since I have distance myself since I can't find somebody to connect deeply but I just threw myself into my anime world (I know covering one whole while leaving another one unattended but oh well) and work so right now I'm pretty good

Socialize with people at cons but keep it arm's length approach. You do not need ot tell your life story, just think about building a house. Foundation goes first. At a Con or a similar event you are yourself and those around you are themselves too. Free to act out in their geeky passion.

Aww sweetie, it's alright it will get easier I've had the same problem so such a long time, nut what I've realized is that you won't be able to get over trust issues unless you open up yourself to get hurt. I know it sounds weird but its true. The only way to trust people is to surround yourself with people who will help you grow, and if that means they hurt you in the process at least you learned from it & you have improve yourself.That doesn't mean to put yourself in dangerous situations, it goes hand in hand with common sense. Hope this help:-)!!!!! Good luck

@otakunewbie: Thank you so much for the kind words. You're right, I should open myself up to people with the risk of getting hurt. Trust is hard, but not unattainable. :)

I've been burned a lot in my life, and gone through some betrayals and tragedies I wouldn't wish on anyone. And following some of those I've gone through periods of withdrawal where I'm very reserved and have trouble taking chances again. The way I always pull myself out of it is by reminding myself of this simple truth: you can either take the risk of trusting and loving, and have the *possibility* of being hurt... or you can not, and have the *certainty* of being alone. Put that way, there's really only one choice, I think.

Yeah. I agree with both Otakunewbie and Amezuki on this one. Since I have had similar problems in my past (and somewhat in my present life) I continue to work on my social skills, communicating with people on even a very basic level. Since I have worked both in the food industry and retail for small part time jobs I have become adept at small talk, which is a great way to begin. Every once in awhile I still make the dumb awkward comment, but you have to embrace it and go with the flow, sometimes it will lead to an engaging conversation. But don't fling yourself into it! Small baby steps. Build on your experiences. Life is full of nasty potholes that are unavoidable, just gotta ride through them! (cheesy analogy but hey, its how I think ^^) Anyway that is my two cents reiterating essentially everything said above. LOL XD

Social awkwardness is quite a wall, I'm slowly climbing up it myself. Emphasize slowly. In real life, in classrooms, I don't speak unless spoken to or when a relatable topic rises up. Online, like in the chatroom here on Mai Otaku I'm a chatterbox. It helps when you're good friends with someone or when you know you're around people who will understand you. I don't have much to say to people whom I don't relate conversely, like if they start talking about sports or politics. I've embraced who I am though, and I feel like I'll get through my own way. I feel like it's a slow process to overcome social awkwardness. Although, I don't see it as all bad. I find it more of a positive for myself. Since I'm usually quiet in classrooms and the like, I get a lot of time to think. I've slowly overcome problems I've faced by doing so. You may have realized during your quiet times that you've gotten the time to think about yourself and the things around you. If you want to overcome it entirely I'd say just give it time. You usually wind up solving your own problems, even if you have to push yourself at times to speak out (which I've done)