Bad experences with love

Recently... Like a year ago, I came to terms with the fact that I had been in an abusive relationship and stuff, but even though I have my issues, I'm not nearly as depressed, stand-offish as I was a year or so ago. I'm really quite proud of myself, and I'm now dating someone from this site! :)

I could only bear to skim through this thread. Some of you have some depressing backstories (and others apparently have exes with depressing backstories). I'm glad for those of you for whom things are getting better, or already better (Crobi, for example, since you're right up there and seem to be pretty cool with stuff)! The rest of this post is about my ex-fiancee: I'm not jealous or anything; if nothing else, I was supposedly not caring (in the jealous sense) enough (I was too "caring" in the clingy "Is everything okay? Want some tea? Cool, I'll get some for you" sense). She broke up with me because drama surrounds me (although the exact reason she originally said she broke up with me was something that happened explicitly against my wishes, I wouldn't have blamed her if she'd broken up with me for other reasons, since she'd explicitly been trying to convince me to break up with her off and on for almost two years, sometimes verbally and sometimes with her actions). I still don't blame her. We were actually pretty fine socially, or so I thought, but then I asked if we could still potentially hang out offline like we'd planned before I got sick again and had to re-relocate and (and this part was absolutely stupid and needy of me, and potentially thanks to me misinterpreting a symptom of physical illness as an emotional symptom) if she would think about the possibility of an open-ended "if we're thirty or whatever, still single, and still like each other, want to go steady or get married?" pacts. She interpreted that as drama on my part (it was) and the ensuing conversation as drama on my part (it wasn't), threw a fit, and disappeared, all while acting like she is/was still friendly with me according to our mutual best friend. Yes, this was somewhat recent.

This post is about other problems in my love life: I was internet-dating and it was serious enough that we were saving up to see each other, despite it being an open thing (at least on her side. She insisted it be open on both sides, but I didn't care, and she only used it when drunk and wishing I was there and asked me to forgive her anyway). Eventually, I started hanging out with my eventual fiancee. My GF said I should go on dates, I asked if I could date that specific person. She said yes, and in only a few weeks my later-fiancee tried to forbid me from spending my nights talking to my then-GF online and lambasted her until she went off the grid once I introduced them. That should have been a warning sign. Before that, when I was still in early high school and under the effects of both severe mental and emotional abuse and a pharmaceutical prescriptions that was wholly unnecessary, I spent about nine months trying to find out why a former friend on whom I had had a secret crush (from before the pharmaceuticals and abuse) was suddenly acting like she didn't know me (hint: she really didn't know me, being a completely different person. I still have no idea wheat happened to the actual former friend). Before that, years before that, prepubescent-wise, I literally had a stalker my own age. I'm neither kidding not exaggerating. That made me cautious for quite a few years, and I assumed (wrongly?) that a lot of other people around were just as cautious. You may notice that I didn't mention any guys. That's because it's practically impossible to find an available openly gay teen or early-twenties male in this town, even while working in the liberal arts department. The closest I got was a straight guy who kept trying to play Gay Chicken with me despite my relationship with [fiancee] and later had a pychotic break while abroad. *pretends to check invisible wristwatch* Now to see how long it takes for me to be completely ignored thanks to revealing all this baggage.

I mean, I'm still in my acceptance phase as I call it, but the guy I'm dating now knows about my past and all the baggage I have. I feel like it weighs me down, but it's... a part of me, ya know? I mean, I know now that I shouldn't let it totally shape me. I dunno, I'm not really sure what to say. Jet731, you put up with a lot of crap from one woman, and that just, it's what gives us girlies a bad name sometimes.

I know it was technically abusive for a long time (and that a lot of people would say that there's nothing "technically" about it), but I don't hold it against any group. Groups shouldn't have to be judged for the actions of one or a few of their members. I'm glad to hear that someone is "cool with things" despite things in their own past, that does make me feel better about my prospects for the future :)

That's A LOT of shit to go through jet731. How you got through it so far is beyond me. Props to you! Same with you, Crobi. My bad experience stories have probably all been said/read throughout various topics and posts here, so I'll give 'em all to you in a nutshell... Ex #1: Senior year of high school. She left me because she grew "bored of me". Before and after that, I believed she was cheating on me, but I couldn't prove it and hoped otherwise. I practically fell into depression the rest of the year. Hardly spoke to anyone (not even my two best friends, who are normally the only ones I DO talk to when I'm like that), spent all my time either at work, studying, or holed up in the community TV studio (it's in the high school). Ex #2: Junior year of college. I left her because she was/became a total psycho bitch. She was super needy, trying to make me into someone I didn't want to be, and she started to get into drugs with the one friend she had/made while at that college. She was both verbally AND physically abusive. I refused to strike back at her in fear that she'd press charges on me no matter what the outcome. So, I got the hell out of there. Ex #3: Senior year of college. Most or all of you know about this "infamous" ex. I've told many stories of my times with her. Although we were both at fault in our own ways, at least I proved to be the better person by not holding a grudge and trying to get under her skin indirectly. Ex #4: Late last year. We're still friends. She's the only good ex and I'm thankful for her. She was a bit needy and I had an attitude at the time because of my job and the stress I was under. Plain and simple. That's all I wrote (for now)...

That's a lot of shit too Hirako D: I'm sorry you had to deal with all that! My experience, I feel like I should just type 'em out at this point. My first relationship went really slow, which was good, then the guy I was dating at the time started asking to be intimate. My not knowing what this meant at the time, I agreed, and things sorta went downhill from there. We kissed, we touched and stuff. But it wasn't until freshman year that things got bad. He originally asked my consent for sex, and I didn't want to at first... but to get him to stop annoying me about it, I said okay. I then said the day of I didn't want to, and he went through with it, and said that he did it because he loved me. I supposed that's where all the sexual abuse came from too, because he 'loved me'.

wow you people surprise me with your stories Its like I'm reading the worst book ever about deception, sexual abuse and what not. I'm happy that I like someone and they like me back at some point, being a virgin, and to be able to do what I like.