Religious rants

I've been thinking about why all the bad stuff happens in religion. And, I found my answer. Most of the time people try to rationalize why God's do what we would consider as bad. But, a step before all the rationalizing is where the answer lies. It's quite simple. Lot's of us or at least me can't or couldn't accept the fact that God's are scary. We hinder ourselves from seeing what's in front of us by trying to rationalize away the fact that they are scary and none conforming to our standards of good and perfect. The answer to why those things happen is because they are scary. But, we never accept that fact as fact. We always go if blah is so good why did this happen. Simply to show they willed it. So, that fact is known to us. That they can cast judgment far removed from what's ideal for us. Simply because it is what they wanted. Even if it's hard for us to rationalize deserving such above us and upon us. This is the state of affairs. I think that's the lesson for me atleast. I just look at it as a count your blessings and tread lightly type of conclusion. I chose to believe in Jesus Christ personally because he cherished us. I could do without all the pain and fear but that's what makes us stronger and wiser. I like my selection when the odds of fuck your life is very high in regards to God's & humans.

@willworkforisekai You're right. There's no simple answer to divinity. In fact, if you aren't scared of a little occult knowledge, I've got this one. Let's look at what the Cabalists say about this one. It has to do with the left side of the cabalistic tree of life. That too is god. Remember the old testament? Every major beat is describing a different aspect of each sepherot. Remember when the Hebrews asked for mercy in their 40 days in the desert? Instead god makes it rain venomous snakes on them. This corresponds to the sepherot known as Gevuruh. Those who petition god while this energy is in play get a very different kind of mercy from its counterpart on the right hand path, Chesod. The mercy of Gevuruh is to make the situation much, much worse, to the point where it breaks the old you in order to make room for a stronger you. The stronger you can then weather the oncoming challenge much more easily. For Gevuruh is the aspect of strength within man. And man is made in god's image. Here's the tree of life for knowledge for reference. Remember folks. As above, so below. https://kabbalahexperience.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/tree-of-life-1.png

@chocopyro My reading comprehension skills aren't enough to make it through the Bible. But, I understand the gist of what your saying. As in God causes greater harm to break man in order to make them stronger. I feel that's the type of mercy I've been getting myself. My voices / spirits say they just trying to put some hair on my chest. But, I'm tired of learning about darkness of me. It seems the deeper you go the harder it is to see light of the way forward. It's confusing to know who the bad guy is for me. Me or the voices. Cause I know I deserve the beating they give me. But, the fact that they are beating me seems pretty bad in itself. I think my voices / spirits have no choice but to beat me cause I'm to young, stupid, and evil. They say Cupid's name alot but I'm loyal to Jesus. I don't want no smoke it's just that I'm sure Jesus loves us.

@willworkforisekai Yup. Basically that. Also, as someone who works with spirits, there's a lot I want to ask. Because while I'm not religious, I only know of a handful of entities that use a person's guilt or self worth as a tool to kick them when they're down. And they aren't angels... Just sayin. For now though, just take it from someone who has been in "the dark night of the soul" enough to navigate that mental space. Don't try to separate light from dark. It is all you. Don't divide it, don't be ashamed of it, don't try to reject any of it. Instead, try to figure out where it comes from. Just be you. You are growing. You are healing. It sucks. It's painful, it's messy as fucking hell, but it needs to be packed into a moving box so you can make room for it in your new place. Some of it will get lost along the way, but who cares. Being human means we can grow something in its place later. When you make it through the other end, you will be the man you need to become to make a better version of yourself. Then hopefully you can move out of that toxic headspace. I wish I could simplify it, but I've never known internal work to be clean.

@chocopyro You can ask me anything. What do you think they are if not angels? People tell me demons lie. So, why are they choosing to accurately view my depths and describe them to me in a way I become aware of them? They must know I'm using that information they try to hurt me with to better myself. As someone who wants to grow it's hard to dismiss them as liers only. They way to accurate with some of there assertions. I be like yeah that's me thanks I couldn't see that far down. I definitely don't reject it if it's truth. I'm confused as to why they can say truth to me if they known to be liers only. Why help me? I was already gonna fall into madness before they came and gave me the answers I seek. It would of been better if they had not intervened. They must know my motive is to learn enough to overcome the condition of narcissism without succumbing to hopelessness. I don't have the luxury of saying oh your lying because I've been throughly examining myself for years trying to be as accurate as possible. If they come with accuracy it's not in me to lie to myself and say no that's not me. I literally can't afford such deception as a narcissist because my depths are large and murky and apparently I have to know them to stop them. In the pursuit of awareness I've been underestimating the lies they have told me though that take root sometimes. I understand it's dangerous to trust them. I confuse there nature sometimes cause like I'm just getting free shit and forget there actually trying to hurt me. All this unintended help is distorting my lense of them. Plus, I'm naive and young spiritually. So, they are bad and want my failure right? They suck at it if that's the case. They give me accurate information more than they give me false. I appreciate the light and dark being me tip that should help me better see myself as real when I'm pursuing to care for others. I know I can only do so much as a man and need the help of my God. Should I solely rely on my God and his teachings to solve narcissism for me? Or continue to learn from the voices as I pursue my God and his teachings?

The whole "demons lie" is kinda a copout answer designed to work as an "I win" button for people who don't know how demons function. In real demonology, we run down the list, checking off everything else before even entertaining the possibility of demons. But on that topic. Demons do attack mentally. Most of the time, demonic influence overlaps with mental conditions. They are not the cause if it, but they do take advantage of it. So do be careful, you are kinda vulnerable to them right now. But true demons are the exception, not the norm. What I think you are actually dealing with, based on your description, is known quite literally as a shadow. They're similar to demons. But technically there's nothing supernatural about them. They do overlap in the territory of thought form entities and tulpas, since they are beings of the mind. A shadow is quite literally you. Ironically, And yes, you're doing the right thing by accepting what it has to say and using it to better yourself. If you make peace with your shadow, demons will have nothing on you to latch onto. We call that concept "Shadow mending". And if this sounds like the persona series, yes. Particularly in Persona 4, We are talking about the same thing, because those games were based on Jungian psychology, and that's the model we use in modern occult practice. As for tackling narcissism? Well? Both. I may not be a man of faith, but it is a valid form of spiritual protection, and I've seen it help people through addiction. So it can help with this to, if you are using it as a support rather than as an excuse or an escape. And listen to the background voices of your mind. I think you're onto something. And pay attention to what mental health experts may give you as well. One of my best friends is a narcissist, and he never really managed to get rid of it, but he does know how to manage it. Sometimes he slips. But with some self awareness and some help orienting himself, he can often course correct himself. For him, empathy and self awareness are what help him get past his own bullshit. Dunno what works for you, but it helps to let others in as well.

@chocopyro It's like they hate me and like me at the same time. I don't think it's a shadow though would my shadow know about the sacred? The voices are a man and a woman and they converse about me like they watching a movie. Sometimes I can barely hear the woman. Also, the voices sound nothing like me. I also remember being chased spiritually. I was really scared but I managed to get away screaming water. Because I was unsure who wanted me. But, it felt like I was wanted but had no idea what wanted me the only thing I knew was to run as fast as I can. They always talking about how fast I am. Also, my stomach got hot as soon as the chase ended or mid chase I don't remember. They talk about spiritual water a lot. Are they not supernatural? But, still just my shadows? Sorry for all the questions but you seem knowledgeable. I have a grandiose delusion that's hard to break away from but I been doing my best. It's that I'm lost in the spiritual realm because I ran to fast. Fearing nobody care about me no more because I'm a known runner and I'm fast and intolerable to any thing that resembles pain. The voices say they never seen someone so fast. They sometimes ask where I'm at but my eyes aren't open to spiritual perceptions except feeling I was being chased. They say we can't wait to get you out of here. And, you never suppose to go that high. They also talk about spiritual blood a lot. And, how my eyes aren't open. They also call me a computer because I learned to much computational thinking and error correcting habits while being a low empathy existence. I wish I would of got caught even though idk what's chasing me. But, because I ran I experienced the grandiose delusion of what it would be like to be my own God trying to remedy the situation. And, was humbled and frightened with doom beyond comprehension. After that experience I don't even understand why humans pursue to be they own Gods. I hate I'm cursed with a mind that believes it's it's own God. But, that delusion taught me how valuable God is. And, helped me know I can't rely on myself when the big heat is on. You still think there shadows? Am I suppose to not be lead into further delusions by entertaining there words?

@willworkforisekai Soooo... I'm going to point out the elephant in the room and you are more than welcome to call me a dick. Aren't you schizophrenic? Now, I'm agnostic and I can't say what other's have seen/heard or not... But, how can you be sure these "spirits" aren't your own mind or are you talking more in metaphor? I'm honestly curious about that and I truly do not mean anything offensive by questioning.

@yaasshat My diagnosis is schizoaffective. I believe in God because narcissism is to much of a oddity. How can one be devoid of empathy? When we were made to love each other. I already live my worst fear. Trust me when I say I've been sprinting ever since doing anything I can to escape hell and this cursed existence. I have to much on the line because of what I am. I don't think it's my mind. But, I did at first. My first conclusion was that the thing known as the audience that we narcissist have leveled up and became vocal as in gained a voice of it's own due to my incessant tampering. I use to cultivate the audience as a way to navigate my place in the world but it worked as broad culmination of humanity's judgements casted and me navigating it to get the best possible judgement casted upon myself. I also used it to cross reference myself with others to find my blind spots. It's hard to get rid of so I just used it as a means of prediction because it was inherent. I kept updating it to get better predictions by observing humanity as much as I could. I provided the answers though by cultivating then navigating. What is going on now is different. I'm not providing the answers anymore. And, before the whole process ran on thoughts not voices. Anything made aware to me of late has been outside of my cultivated audience capabilities. Now I'm knowing what I don't know. By auditory hallucinations with distinct voices different than mine. I believe it is indeed a illness of the already ill but I'm not in the camp of keeping the ball rolling in the direction of said voices are fake. I'm also not in the camp of wanting to give them names and integrate until I'm 100% on a ID. I just know they have a far greater perceptual prowess than me. I don't know what they are. But, I'm leaning something from the spirit world since they can so clearly see mine. But, I haven't received a firm answer yet from anyone I've conversed with. I like to think like my life depend on it because it do. So, most of the time I just continue not knowing rather than give them a improper ID and be comforted with possible unaligned delusions. To be then disowned by accepting such comfort when I know the math ain't mathing. I am of the assumption there voices originating from the spiritual domains because of the transcending form of visual prowess and communication they made known to me. I just don't know what there objective is. And, if there good or bad. I'm certain it's not my mind unless I gained a automated deep search and relay function in the form of voices to separately view and find my own blind spots then tell them to me. I don't think that's the case. There viewing me of there own accord and I'm separate from that viewing. They also chose what to divulge. I can't make them tell me anything.