Mommy’s Random Thoughts

(12:58 PM Mon.) I didn't get a decent sleep last night despite the hotel bed feeling great on my sore body. I think I've gotten so used to air mattresses and busted/broken beds that the good bed is a shock to my body XD. It felt nice though to lie down and relax into a soft bed that frames the body nicely, even if I didn't sleep normally. Hopefully tonight I'll get a better sleep.

(8:26 PM Wed.) I really can't wait for the means to afford new electronics! I want a computer so badly to do more character creations, there's an anime couple creator that I thought would fit Arc-Senpai and Ruca-Senpai really well, but my iPad is still broken and the phone I'm using now doesn't support the games I want to play XD. Just a little while longer and I'll be able to do what I want. ^^

(6:50 AM Sun.) Randomly thinking about that random dude who used my pictures here as j*rk off material and posted that horrendous picture of his teeny weenie in front of a pic of me on his computer screen. Besides the trauma suffered from seeing such a sight, sometimes I think of that moment in a way that I probably shouldn't. Besides my personal concerns for that man's lack of personal space, boundaries and basic human decency, I'm also offended at the picture he chose ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ ༽. I'm actually really glad that not many of you user's here on MO saw it, because it was NOT a flattering picture of me! I feel like I have a large forehead anyway, but the angle I chose in that specific picture was so unflattering!!! I'm actually offended that he chose that picture, because I can say with the utmost confidence that I did NOT LOOK GOOD! I get that there's a thing out there for everyone that gets them going, but apparently that dude's thing is big headed women with foreheads the size of an airplane strip ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ ༽ ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ ༽ ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ ༽ . I just thank God everyday for the mod who told Seph so he could delete it (or make the person delete it). I've wanted to confess that for awhile now, but I thought it sounded ridiculous XD. I couldn't hold it back anymore as I randomly keep thinking about it...so here's my takeaway of that incident. I would prefer NO ONE use my pics to m*sturbate...but if you do, can it be a flattering/decent looking picture of me and not one where I look like pinhead Larry, please.

Just know that even at your perceived worst, they thought you were hot.lol Take that with a grain of salt and ....uh... Stroke that ego?lol

@yaasshat I think that guy stroked enough for the both of us XD. I genuinely can't be flattered (whether genuinely or in an odd sense) when he chose one of the most-if not-THE most horrendous picture of my head to do the breaststroke to. Sometimes I think the size of my forehead in that pic haunts me more than his pea shooter does/did ( ╥ ᴗ ╥). @arc We have to keep it real here lol. Poor Ya-Ya saw it too, he can vouch for me how...small it was, which, no shame to him though.

(1:39 AM Wed.) Sigh...sometimes I despise how much I prioritize thinking about things deeply to myself, not saying that I act like I know everything I think about or even that I come to conclusions about said things I ponder on, but...simply thinking about things and taking the time to view the situation or topic is something I have always treasured in my heart. Especially when it comes to me...I admit I think harshly (which is something I've confessed on here before). Today though, my eldest sister was braiding the front of my hair to give me two antenna (that's what we called them cause they look like it), however, I believe I have severe (maybe not as bad as some people's) scalp issues. Which I really hate having because I really do love my hair and the severe dandruff/possible psoriasis is just yet another stupid thing in the long list of things that make me feel ugly. I've come to a pill that I've always taken before but it's grown larger each time I've pondered upon it, so now (as it's too big a pill) I can't ignore it and 'get it over with' anymore. I've realized that my family hurts me, not in the mean way, but it's a hard pill for me to swallow when realizing things I'm disgusted with about myself and curl up my face at, are things my family shows care for and gentleness. I felt embarrassed as my eldest sister took to gently picking away at my scalp to clear it up, because I realized that is a gentleness and love that I never show myself. I almost wanted to tell her to let me up because it's no use, to tell her I feel ugly when they see those things I hate...but I didn't want to break down crying so I let her continue. I think, in a sense, I am jealous of their love for me because I truly desire to have that for myself. I can say, however, that I truly thank God for my family and for placing them in my lives. I almost had to flee to the bathroom to type this out cause my eyes started watering badly, but I know this is only a pain from truth...and the truth shall set me free, so I guess I can't complain on such revelations. This journey to loving myself is frustrating sometimes, but I'm grateful for the ability to think still and treasure these things in the depths of me. ❤️

(1:01 AM Fri.) Watched our Halloween specials: Scared Shrekless, Garfield Halloween, Toy Story of Terror, Muppet's Haunted Mansion, Mickey Mouse Halloween and the SpongeBob Halloween special. It was fun and we had some good laughs! Now I just finished my twin's Birthday card, I did Adam from Hazbin Hotel, cause he's one of her favorite characters. She seems to like large, threatening characters XD. And I did a Rock/Metal Font since his song was rock themed. ❤️

(10:11 PM Sat.) Our eldest sister took my twin and I out to the park to walk the trails there, she wants to help build my endurance as I plan to buy roller skates and roll around with my older sisters. The west trail we took was way shorter than...the other trail we turned around to take (don't remember what direction it was). We played on the swings together and my eldest sister and I played with her hacky sack by hitting it with our hands like a game of volleyball. After we finished playing on the swings we went back up the trail and took some pictures together under a nice tree, I collected three pretty red leaves for each of us (AKA: the sisterhood leaves) to put in our hair. We then went on the longer trail I mentioned and had a great walk together talking and laughing, we collected three small purple flowers to bring back to our mom and a cluster of small white flowers to give to our dad once we returned home. We saw some cute deer along the way and possibly a couple rabbits (I couldn't tell as it was getting dark and I didn't bring my glasses so things were blurry). We couldn't walk the rest of the trail cause it was getting too dark despite it only being 5-something in the afternoon, but the walk back was enjoyable as well. It worked out though as our parents were starting to worry with us being out so long and it was getting really dark, so we headed home and our mom and eldest sister went to the store to get bread and some meat and cheese, and we had sandwiches for dinner. Yummy! ❤️

(5:57 AM Tue.) Someone reading a story of mine randomly started flirting with me ( ╥ ᴗ ╥). He told me I have a beautiful smile (to which I responded with how he's never even seen me before), then how he wished that he could fly down to see me, AND THEN asked if I'd be willing to send him pics of myself. I told him he's a flatterer and his words are sweet, but that won't work on me lol, I'm not sharing personal pics with a stranger sksksk.