Mental health disorders

I wanted to create a thread where people can come in and talk about any mental health disorders that they might have. If you have a disorder, what is it like? What was it like when you first discovered you had the disorder? I’d like to confess that I suffer from panic attacks. It’s pretty rare for guys to have them, but for me it started in my late 20s. Admittedly, I never thought I would allow myself to have a panic attack. I thought I’d just be able to take a deep breath, assess the situation, and then be fine. A couple of years ago my mom was hospitalized and diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I thought it could never happen to me until one day my girlfriend pointed out I was having a panic attack. I had lost my car keys and it had my key on it to get into work. It felt like a sensation running from the back of my head to the front, and I started getting dizzy and was shaking. I didn’t even notice me breathing was rapid and my girlfriend told me to sit down because I was having a panic attack. Now with Covid I’m more susceptible to panic attacks. My anxiety feeds my negative behavior which in turn comes back to me. Recently I’ve had what I would describe as my second full on panic attack. I felt my chest tighten like somebody was pressing down on it and it was hard to breath. I couldn’t stop coughing for an hour. On the forefront I was thinking logically, but underneath in my subconscious were swirling feelings of worry and anxiety. It’s like an ocean wave that you can’t hold back, but it always recedes in the end. I’m fine 99% of the time but when it hits it’s unstoppable. I’d really like to read some of the stories you guys might have :3

I have OCD and the intrusive thoughts it spawns are about 90% of my life. I learned I could use games as a way of bypassing it long ago and I have relied on that to keep me sane for a long time. I had it most of my life and thought I just had an anger issue, but eventually I learned that it wasn't normal and went to see someone. Five different therapists, doctors, and specialists have all given me the same diagnosis and the 3 therapists all pointed to the same source for it. The main thing that I live around is this concept of "not good enough". Once I start something I have to go until I deem it to be good enough, even if that takes days without sleep and food. I have worked myself into the hospital twice because of this in my later teens when I thought I was invincible. My main types of intrusive thoughts are harm to myself and harm caused to others via my actions. The harm to myself typically manifests itself in things like seeing car accident (not usually my fault, but I always blame myself for it) scenarios and living the injuries from such in my head. Usually it involves dismemberment to myself for some reason, we don't know why that theme comes up in all of them. The harm to others generally appears as something I have interacted with breaking and harming people, I can't use the kitchen at any house but my own for this reason. Once I spent an afternoon rewiring a small circuit board for a speaker only to have to get up at 2 in the morning and disable it because I had an obsession that it was going to burn the house down even though I knew it wasn't going to, so the compulsion was to break it so it couldn't be used. The less common intrusive thoughts that I have are something that I typically don't talk about. Only one of my therapists has ever heard about them because to me it is something so shameful that I have a real hard discussing it. Nearly every feminine person I see (typically females, but I must specify that I'm a gynophile and attracted to femininity no matter the genitalia) I end up analyzing to determine their sexual preferences and how they would perform them. Sometimes this is as simple as "I bet he likes anal" and sometimes it it can be actual sexual scenarios. They don't necessarily involve me. Over the years I have become exceedingly good at keeping these to a minimum by simply not interacting with people, but even when I'm driving down the road and see someone out on a jog it happens nearly instantly as soon as I am aware of them. This is probably the biggest reason I am as much of a shut in as I am at this point in my life. That is the mental side of things. This post has already gotten really long, but I can do a followup for the physical side of things if people have any interest in them, but my physical symptoms are actually fairly tame compared to some people.

Have many im sure about it but i don't know where to start it'd take so much effort to explain. I'm not diagnosed officially but im sure that i have many. I can't be fricked up from nowhere. -w-

@lyzarus thanks for sharing. We all have issues we have to deal with. It feels better, at least for me, to voice it out. Feel free to post the physical side of things

Mental health effects us all and in many ways we don't cognitively realize. I have many relatives that have suffered over the years. Some were successful in adjusting the harmful sides into positive energy, but others were not so fortunate. I have seen both the physical effects from direct damage of the brain with dementia to a more invisible threat through sucidal depression. That said I will talk more at length when I have time. Kinda at work, but no one here is alone. Stay safe friends!

I'm prone to depression due to a genetic issue within me. I have thyroid gland issues and if I wasn't medicated for it I just wouldn't produce enough hormones, it's something permanent and can't be fixed without medicine. I'm glad there's a way around it though, makes life a lot simpler and easier. Something that I also suffer from is anxiety, I can tell very easily how I am restless very often even if everything is going on alright, I guess stress just builds up within me

I dont know if this counts as a disorder but I keep buying things and collecting random stuff each time more expensive and cool just things to occupy time never really thinking about the future. Its not so bad that i find myself spending my last dollar. But alot of times i will buy something i dont even need. Once i bought something for over $200 and threw it away that same day. I feel a sort of happiness whenever i buy things i like. It helps me get away sort of takes my mind out of things. I think there is a deeper issue, like im trying to cope. I feel like i am depressed and im trying to find things that squeeze out the tiniest bit of serotonin. Also quick story completely unrelated: One day i was so stressed i told my supervisor i was honestly scared to go home because i feel like i was gonna kill myself. I was looking up the quickest possible way that entire morning. I was so stressed out i forgot about my mom. My family and everyone who would have been sad. This happened around the time i failed a major exam and was in fear of being kicked out the military. I didnt see anything after this, i just saw failure and disappointment and hard work wasted. There were other factors at play but this was the biggest. That has been my darkest moment. Other times i contemplated but never had the drive. That time i did.