Girls only like jerks (stop using this excuse, grow a pair and read on)

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EIE3UIeofB0/VDgzCPgCGFI/AAAAAAAAetE/6A0xS5omiH4/s1600/uhm%2Byou%2Bdone.jpg Totally didn't throw any serious input into the thread topic. Guess the middle paragraph was for nothing XD Anyone actually want to contribute to the topic? Yes you that is lurking on by X3

That's the big thing. Being yourself and being confident aren't mutually exclusive. The more you get out and practice being social with people in your own skin the easier it gets. This builds the confidence too. Once you've become comfortable in your own skin, and can actually be yourself socially, the confidence tends to follow.

Another thing is to not make the other person feel unwelcome either. Many times a guy will make me feel as if he doesn't want me around or isn't interested, so I leave. Then later I find out he was just trying to act "cool" or confident.

Hate to break it to you, thread poster, but things are not so cut and dry. When people go out of their way to make you feel miserable, to hurt you, you begin to develop desensitization and possibly even sociopathic tendencies. If you want to talk about "confidence" you cannot be so damned black and white! I have confidence in my abilities, and insecurities about my weaknesses. Not everything is about being lazy. Relationships and dating are about completing one another, and if cheap standards like how one is dressed, or how much one weighs or appears (despite being 180lbs, I still have tons of loose skin I can't f-ing shed, so I still look fat. So, give me advice how to magically get rid of it without resorting to a specialized surgery I could never afford)are a preference, then those peoples' standards are PETTY. I know I'm probably not one to talk, but quite frankly people like me struggle with women because people like me have many different psychological and physiological problems. As such, it is only natural that I have high standards. Everyone has a right to have standards, but quite frankly the ones you list are PETTY. So no, I will continue to have confidence in my skills and knowledge, and feel insecure about my looks not appealing, and feel insecure about my so-called "non-alpha" and "effeminate" personality, and feel insecure that my bitterness and jadedness will not fulfill someone's needs, and feel insecure that I'm not compatible with ANYONE due to my narcissism and malignance. You know what else I will feel confident about? The fact that I am conscientious and caring once people develop a bond with me, and understand why I'm bitter, fatigued, and so distant that I detest people. The stuff you describe is getting in the front door. Which is all well and good, for people who want lesser companions. However, we're in the online era now. We don't have to put up facades like we would normally do when trying to win someone's heart. Instead, we can end up cutting to the chase, and skipping all of this pretentious BS. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be doing stuff while trying to find the one woman who will complete me.

God damn, what happened to you? ^ It's not that they like jerks, it's that when you're an insecure "nice guy", confident guys can seem like jerks if they just tease or joke around, or the fact that they just say and do something. While the other guys will just do w/e the girl tells them. Or think they always have to be super caring & nice to her to win her over, and just agree with her, and have no backbone in their body. Seen a bunch of them, was one for an entire year in highschool, so I also know what the thought process of those guys can be.

Okay. You are right. To an extent. Yes. Women don't like jerks(At least the one's worth your time.), They like Confidence. While women are also visual, They don't fall in love with a guys looks. They fall in love with their mind more. Guys, first time they see a girl, they can start imagining having a small house on the hill with her, with kiddos. As much as people love to say guys are the same. We aren't. And that's a good thing. We compliment each other. A guy confident with who he is, Knows what he wants, and is actively going after it, Will attract a girl far easier, than some jackass with a leather jacket(Coming from a man who loves his leather jackets.). Guys think (This is all in general, not exceptions), With their logical hemisphere of the brain, while girls think more with the emotional side. That's why we confuse each other so easily, so often. Because people that don't know this and put it into perspective will be completely left in the dark. Not only that. You get a girl, who says she loves you two weeks ago. Next thing you know, She's breaking up with you. She wasn't lying(most of the time.), She did mean those words. However for a guy, You saying you loved us a week ago, means you do always. Because we are taking it logically. Instead of emotionally. It's a fault of ours. You need to start looking at what girls do more than what they say(Not saying they're lying. But even alot of girls don't understand WHY they like someone. You'll hear that alot. You can't Force attraction. It just IS.)But more the actions.(This goes with people in general really.) Another thing we screw up often, Mostly because of hollywood. Is we believe we NEED someone to complete us. This is all a lie. You don't need ANYONE to be happy, but you. Happiness comes from within. Be happy with yourself, if you can't be. Be someone who you are happy to be. Once you manage that, Relationships in general will be easier. Also like the top poster said. Practice. Social skills... is a skill. I'll give you a step by step way to get rid of social anxiety. First, go to the mall, or any place with a good amount of people. And when you walk by people, Instead of looking away, Look them in the eyes and smile. that's it. Do this until it's easy. Then Say hey, or hello. That get's easy over time, Then just bring up random conversation about them, People love to brag about themselves. If they're a jerk or don't want to talk, Try it with someone else. Soon you'll see this as easy, and boom. You can literally talk to anyone anywhere. Girls don't want a guy who they can walk all over. Never break your integrity or self respect for something she just wants. I'm not saying ignoring their needs. But if she wants you to do something that you completely disagree with, or you already have plans. Don't break them. Be the Best you. Not her servant. You will attract what you fear. So once you learn to let go of that fear, You will overcome them. It's not about being a jerk to girls. It's about being a strong person, With high self respect. You want a girl who is crazy about you, and you are crazy for them. You are giving this person the greatest gift you can ever give someone. Yourself. You. So Remember that when someone tries to walk over you. The best thing you can do. Is be the best you. If you think you aren't good enough, Then you won't be. If you believe you're worth it, because you are truly giving your all, Your 120% into it. Then you'll find someone. But life rarely gives handouts. And something like love, real lasting love is one of the hardest things to find. So you have to go out searching, and you want to be sure when you do meet that special someone, That you are the best you, you can be at that point. Also, never say yes to being friends if that's not what you want. Ever. The friendship will be based on the lie that you want to only be friends, Because you want something more. If she says No, Then she is NOT the one. If she breaks up with you for another guy, SHE IS NOT the one, if she leaves you because she's 'needs to find herself' She is NOT the one. Anyone who WANTS, to truly want to be with someone 100% will always find a way. So just ask her out, point out your affections. The sooner the better. Don't go out to places just as friends. If you're okay with just being friends, and being with someone else, Go for it. But if that's not what you want. Don't do it. Please for your sake. NEVER do it. Again. Confidence. It almost always comes back to it. You don't need to be some immovable rock. You don't need to be secure about absolutely anything, but a strong man will see their problems as a place to grow. While a weaker person will see their faults as things to moan about. Not everything is fixable, I'm not 6'4, That'll never change, However, I can exercise. I'm not Rich, But I can go to school to get the job I want(that you enjoy) to make good money. I'm not Super handsome brad pitt. But that won't stop me from talking to that ten out of ten sweetheart that goes to my homeroom, and asking her out. Because if I never try then I never give her the chance to say yes. Confidence is not about being Invincible, It's not about being a super hero. It's just going in, Knowing that whatever they may say or do, You'll come out the other side the same. Still happy. A real healthy relationship isn't two people completing each other. It's two Complete people, Making a life together. That's my two cents anyways.