How do you bond with other people?

I recently took a step back and realized that I have no close bonds with anybody. All the friends I used to be really close with are gone now. Somehow along the way in my pursuit of self-reliance I've forgotten how to bond with another person. Or perhaps it is a bit of fear that holds me back. I dunno. What drives you to be closer to another person? Specific examples would be great.

First of all, you can't make anybody like you, it is up to them if they find you suitable enough to their tastes I guess. For me, the best way to find more people like you is being yourself. Sad thing is that this won't ever guarantee you are going to find good friends anytime soon. I've noticed most people relationships are just as superflous and bold as a political promise, almost them all are fake. For me it has been quite a handful to bond with people since I got out of high school and moved from another place. I went from group to group but all of them seemed to be just so different from me I couldn't ever relate. Then I found really weird people and I decided to stay with them, I think I did a slight bond with them however being really bonded with people is something that takes time. The best friends one can make at least in my country are those from high school and the childhood friends, because of the time you spent together. They say that if a friendship lasts over 7 years, it is going to be as long as a lifetime and I believe this. No matter how much you change, they will be always there for you, even if you are far away. So don't rush it, be yourself and wait for those people to appear to you.

Bonding with people is hard I think Usually you like the people who have the similar tastes as you. You can not really do much to make people like you, I think it is either they like or or not https://deluscar.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/lbart1.png?w=774&h=580

I can say that 7 year relationships don't always last for a lifetime unfortunately. 2 of my friendships ended after they were 7 years old. I can say that it is not easy to get over. Thanks for the advice Maria, but I've heard the "just be yourself" line many times before and it honestly hasn't helped me at all in the past 8 years. There an innate problem in how I act or talk that prevents me from bonding with others.

Arc, you can always try and behave yourself according to the people you are talking to but tell me how does this make you any different than a chameleon? You will just change your colors when pressured... Doesn't this mean that the people you will attract will be the same as your fake facade? Do you seriously think those friendships are going to last more? It is better to wait years for real friends than seconds for simple masquerades.

Hah, I like the cat in that pic Sunflower. Maybe it's partially because of how my last really long friendships abruptly ended. I don't want to admit it, but I think part of me is actually afraid of bonding with others. Having a friendship end so terribly caused me a lot of pain, and it's almost a subconscious reflex to avoid trying to get close with others. @maria I see what you are getting at but it's difficult to explain. I am being myself, but the current person I am is not who I feel like I should be. I dunno if that makes sense. I used to be a person that could make a lot of friends, but some things happened, and now I find it so much harder.

Handcuff yourself to her. Throw away the key. Make sure someone films it.

Then the answer is easy, this is not a problem about people liking you or not, this is a problem of you not liking yourself. See, you won't ever have real friends if you don't know who you truly are. This is something you cannot expect anybody to tell you how to solve it. Arc, people will more likely know better than you who you are. They see you and how you behave. Just don't try to act as if someone else is pushing you to do so, think for yourself and do not doubt that much. It is going to get you anywhere. I don't see this as a problem so I'm sorry if this can't help. I experienced something similar and the way I solved it is letting everything lose, how I behaved superficially and deep inside, this mix is not separated, is who you really are.

Hmm...I do wonder sometimes how people perceive me. It's not that I don't like myself, but maybe I'm just afraid to try and get close with others. When I was younger I wasn't afraid to show my emotions to people. A shrink would probably tell me the emotional scarring after the abrupt end to my 10 year friendship with this one girl is causing me to be withdrawn. What I think it comes down to is that I can't be afraid to display my emotions. I also found out some information on the net the other day that other people in my situation might find useful. http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/eating/science-proves-sharing-food-makes-you-closer/ Sharing food releases oxytocin which is a building block that helps two people grow closer. I hate sharing my food, but maybe I have to make a small sacrifice :P