Branden

@wei_ying Their sibling once said to me that whole “nemesis” cliche as a joke but when it comes to me I don’t want that ever even in a joking matter. They were never my enemy even if there were nights I cried believing I was hated so strongly. Even left my social stories opened so I could try to prove some point that I will rise up to make something of myself to them. That wasn’t for “vengeance” it was to prove to myself I wasn’t worthless in my own head after being told that so much. I think all I wanted was a “I’m sorry for doubting your character Branden, you did it”. Seeking that validation meant a lot to me. After all of it the one person whose validation I needed was my own.

@wei_ying Don’t get me wrong. I don’t wish any ill will upon them. I truly don’t want anyone hurt emotionally or any way. Just wish to express my pain over the years because of that past. I’m not the same guy who blew up when hurt. That was my mistake back then and didn’t realize the repercussions of saying mean things to them. Yeah they did hurt me first but doesn’t mean you just fire back with emotional salvo. The right call would have been to go silent and disappear. Doing so, I made them retaliate with everything they could think of and believe anything spoken about me. I put myself in that situation. So it’s on me. It’s always been on me. Yes I didn’t deserve the treatment but do feel guilt on the words I used before anything happened. Tbh if I could redo it all I would have early on just stepped back and chose friendship with them instead of pushing through thinking I was saving them. I couldn’t even save myself back then. However I can now and not just for myself. For anyone who was bullied or told they weren’t enough. Accidents don’t happen in life. It’s all meant to be I believe. And yes I have heard of that practice with filling the cracks with silver or gold to make it beautiful. To turn pain into beauty and I do it everyday working out. To turn my own body into that art piece to show broken pieces can be put back together stronger than ever.