Rennik Sadorn

In other news, on Destiny 2, Xbox One, I'm working on saving up my bounties for when the next season arrives and trying to get some Pinnacles I should've started working on sooner, as I've finally dealt with that season pass because I rejoined it about 25 days ago having now-regrettably missed Season of Dawn. As for Warframe, waiting for Deadlock Protocol while doing the Nightwave weekly bounties, having currently forewent trying to suss out 'the Glassmaker' mystery. I'll be going to sleep now. An upvote is the only indicator that I know there -is- an audience. I deem that 'satisfying knowledge', but I will (hopefully) not fall prey to the 'upvote addiction', as that's no different from having a currency one cannot use.

I've been thinking about that ideology - of what amounts to a combination of an analytical, 'energetic' (in the mind), thicc (subject to interpretation, generalization on my own terms would suggest 'bigger is better'), weeb, gamer, stalker(ish) female (who would be potential waifu material) - and it continues to endanger my resilient logical thinking with lewd imagery. I'll elaborate, as I seem to have nothing better to do at the moment beside gaming, trying to find work that can be done at home in the long run, and skimming dating sites in search of [her] (if [she] exists). Analytical - being a deep thinker or unintentionally overthinking what some view as trivial subjects. 'Energetic' (mentally) - coincides with creativity - is the sort that enjoys suggestive content and is seeking someone they can trust to fix that? Thicc - the physique could be any shape they want, so long as they're fine with it, and are willing to cuddle. A lot. Weeb - what it says on the label. Gamer - see also: me. Stalker(ish) - actually bothers to look up Koldraxon as to try and find out more about the person who's writing this stuff. The danger about thinking about things of the lewder variety: My rational, logical mind had already been preyed upon by 'culture' enough in subtle doses for me to fall into it's incredible softness two years ago. I have been that fool who tried to ask every thicc-shaped female I deemed 'within reason' at least three times against my own will - and how?! How did that happen? Hormones, libido, human nature - it drives me to want physical, mental contact and it's painful. Why's it painful? It's been left to fester and gnaw at me like it was for the better half of at least five years while I tried my best to prioritize what I thought was essential, while also trying to sedate that. And so far, every effort I have allowed to transpire, has failed. 1: more pillows. Failed. Addition of two pillows. 2: replace plushies with pillows. Failed. Removed plushies due to deeming them 'too childish'. 2a: more pillows?! Failed. Added 2 more pillowos. 2b: blank bodypillow. Partial failure. Didn't feel soft enough. 3: Dakimakura. Partial success. Also seems haunted by a loving [conceptual-type lifeform?] which yearns for a physical body and has a habit of 'stealing' my means of speech to utter 'ara~ ara~'. I don't mind, but she's not strong enough to get physical - she can get visual though, but seems to enjoy being lazy with it. Identifies with the lucid-dream figure of M'lilane Nokka. 4: [REDACTED]. ...'Failed'. I will not speak of this until I feel that the recipient of this information is not going to spread the information without my consent and a series of conditions that must be met. At this rate I may consider investing in robotics on the condition of having an IRL (soft) android waifu because the real females are 1: already taken, 2: fictitious (in terms of whether they were real or not in my eyes) or 3: not here, and given that those reasons are rather extreme even to me, who wrote them, I'm sure you're starting to see the problem. And no, I do not think generic therapy will do any good as it'd be the same therapy as the many-phrased 'you'll find the one for sure!' spiel. If you didn't enjoy reading this, I understand, but sometimes I need to vent like this, or rather, I should've thought about posting such things years ago anonymous(ish)ly like this... But back then I thought I was capable of dealing with this internally. "Clearly things have gotten out of hand, yes." - Dr. S. Hayden.

...Thought I'd put this here because I don't post much of anything at the moment except the occasional comment, and that I've barely redistributed this. If this comes off as 'erotic/lewd' or 'too personal', I apologise in advance. Firstly, I'll start with something interesting. // I vividly recall having 'visions' of playing Crysis 3, Warframe, and several other games/places I may've encountered already. These weren't explicitly lucid dreams, but were almost recorded cuts from my mind. There may've been glimpses of World of Warcraft, Mass Effect Andromeda, Anthem, and Destiny among them, but I do not recall those at the moment - might remember when I encounter a specific moment again? The 'visions': Crysis 3: The 'labyrinth' section, deep underground before the Alpha Ceph fight. Warframe: That one Grineer Galleon/Asteroid_Base tile with the furnaces and catwalks, has elevated lockers. I feel that I may've also seen more aswell, but currently do not recall. The second thing. // One night before sleeping a few months back (or more, unclear), I was visited by half-sleep images of what most people would describe as gruesome, horrid visages of flesh at the red meat level and tendons being ripped and torn. I tried to deter the imagery, but it refused to abide my conscious will to see... other stuff. It did not faze me. Found that strange. Even as I recall it, it does not faze me. Having been exposed to DOOM (Eternal) gameplay may be a reason. The third thing. // While on holiday to Milan once: A solid, well-recalled lucid dream occurred. Caution: is very lewd, no way around it. It took place in my room as it is now (room is largest, rectangular, upstairs; bed to right of a gaming PC and flash-lined to the wall, door beside leftways to the PC, beside it be a shelf, a display case... Opposite side of the gaming PC is the main window, silvery blinds - important). I felt, heard, saw in this dream. I was laying on my bed at an angle so that the window was in view - light was pouring in, scene was blurry. A shadowy figure, super thicc stacked build (of the 'big, thicc, cuddly female' variety) was laughing, hips pinning my pelvis down. Needless to say, I was enthralled by that experience, and dubbed that figure 'M'ilane Nokka' - a sort of 'muse of the night'. Still recall the encounter vividly. In terms of spirituality, I've come to the presumption that on that front, my V-card was taken by that entity. 'Un'fortunately I still have the physical V-card, and hormones/libido/nature continues to do terrible things to my once rational, logical mind amidst an internal background/passive conflict - which may be why you're reading any of this. I assure you I am still rational. Anyway, I have attached an image of the 'shadowy figure' based on my minimal effort using the anime artstyle to recreate her visage to physique accuracy - whether it holds true or not, I won't know until another event of the same caliber transpires - in the hopes that you, (un)fortunate reader, may find this insightful. I again apologise for burning your eyes with such personal information, but I have a fourth thing to add. // It's a fantasy about how [an ideal other] would find me. Not the typical way around, I know, but that's how I imagine it should be. What I'm about to say stems from ideas you may see portrayed in some content already and may come off as scary to some. If it does somehow come to pass after typing this I'll let you know how I fared. -She comes across, say, a dating profile of mine on a dating site, and uses the information there to find me digitally, and starts to speak of things she knows I would know well. -She ends up revealing her attraction/interest in me and provides some proof of existence content (as in, stuff that proves [she] is real. -I confirm my existence and welcome her attraction. -She somehow finds out where I live, and, (as of writing: despite lockdown), sneaks over with enough items to essentially settle in. -'Deep connections' are made. Of the wholesome and lewd variety. If you want more about this crazy idea, you'll have to ask. It feels (as of writing: I don't seem to be feeling much emotion) embarrassing to put all of this out here. // Anyway, that 'rough visual' of M'lilane Nokka I was on about (warning: contains THICC waifu material). https://www.deviantart.com/koldraxon/art/A-loose-interpretation-of-M-lilane-Nokka-2-843863333

Found -this- ol' thing I remember with bizarre fondness. Here. Consume it. https://youtu.be/dMapmlUwerw Also, not sure if I did share this before, but this... This is just... You'll understand when you see it. https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1636726-bionicle

A glimpse over the Wall spawn of the Fictitious Planes cannot surpass, to behold the truth of one's appearance. Edited in MS PowerPoint. Will not post any more of these unless there's an actual interest.

All of these are from TWDNE because... I don't know. Content and a semblance of vague consistency for this profile, I suppose? That aside, -almost- completed another run of Eater of Worlds (Destiny 2). It's now 03:16. Cue classic Windows error sound.

Correction to most recent post (see below): Cropped pics appeared on top of post. #FormattingInconveniences.

So, I decided to put up a Tinder account. Second time doing that, but have more pics and a better bio. Might copy-paste that over here if there's enough interest in me in that regard? And now for a random, unscheduled post of TWDNE pictures, despite my declaration of not doing so, just because I stumbled on a working instance of TWDNE. https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-73385.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-7921.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-76016.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-85936.jpg - Cute face photobomb. https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-94698.jpg With cropped versions:

Sponsored by AFD and TWDNE, I am forced to once again post TWDNE pics for no reason*. https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-67303.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-16932.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-12127.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-28158.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-51766.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-6732.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-41449.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-21709.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-67406.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-18487.jpg 'Purified' renders below: