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Rennik Sadorn @kol_aspirant
Rennik Sadorn @kol_aspirant
Good news:
I still exist. Am 26 now. Learned some Unity stuff to make VRChat Avatars. Gaming.
Not sure if this qualifies but I have decided to kill off the dating apps. Again. Again again a-
Bad news:
World events once again allude to nuclear-based planetary annihilation... Every other week. That and political madness planetwide with no sign of commonsense left.
Unsided:
In a way I feel trapped - but not, considering that I learned Unity stuff a few months back and am slowly working on that.
Still. I feel lonely in being on my own in that journey, which may have an impact on progress - at least I'm presently aware that this is one of the key partitions of what impedes my progress.
Put simply, I'm still moving. Pushing. Breathing.
And remember...
The fact that you exist and continue to exist against all odds is in and of itself a victory. Revel in it.
Rennik Sadorn @kol_aspirant
Rennik Sadorn @kol_aspirant
Ok, this is new. Line spacing doesn't exist anymore, so long posts turn into hideous incoherent heaps. Wonderful.
Rennik Sadorn @kol_aspirant
Rennik Sadorn @kol_aspirant
November came.
With it, the winter chill and the unfavourable weather that entails.
Opportunities to step out on impromptu meditative walks to purge my mind of these rampant, principle yearnings (to have someone to talk to of the opposite sex in person, without any barriers between you - as in, you can hug eachother tightly and it would feel good, you'd cuddle up to eachother and want to stay like that, and spend time doing things you wish you did when you both were younger).
Sadly most (as in, 99% of) men (who start the convo first) online and off may not have figured that their sex craving is actually just that.
There was a time I managed to meet a curvy Tinder match late yestermonth and we cuddled. She laid atop me. Was amazing experience... Until she remembered her ex and lapsed. Gave her a means of communication and benefit-of-doubt.
Was blocked on means of communication not long after.
That has me hoping for a push for a 'comfort person' trend, where you form a sort of familiarity with someone, and you both come to eachother in times of need or if you want to socialise but not want the expectations you've set on friends. Like, a manifestation of that 'third place' that is meme'd about.
To cut it down to the small detail, my bottomline is a curvy woman to cuddle and be squished by for a bit of fun and warm wholesomeness who lives locally. I am yet to find this comfort person. They seem extensively evasive, or I am at my max level for the Introvert class.
Anyway, I rebooted this because there is no harm in it and... Uh. Ah. What happened? May: went to Malta, saw what I call 'the curviest loveliest of statues' and interesting ruins - basically saw the whole island in a week. May-June: started volunteering. Now: still single.
Why are you single?
Rennik Sadorn @kol_aspirant
commented on
Why are you single?
Rennik Sadorn @kol_aspirant
The most I socialise is at a very small boardgaming group, or when I have the chance while volunteering at a charity shop.
My life has been one of social distancing. I was lucky in education; the fellow students there socialised with me. In Primary School.
Secondary was hit/miss with no recognition of any attempts at advancements. I wasn't able to tell what was a lie/trick/deception or what was legitimate as I had a hunch of the former when [female student] tells [male student] [female student 2] is interested in them.
I became a ghost. Living, but unseen. Unheard.
The most approach I've had from the opposite sex was... A lesson to be held to heart, and a person better let forgotten.
In fact they wanted to become male the entire time, so already I was challenged, if not torn.
That was after the better half of 7-9 years of trying to use sites/apps like Tinder, Bumble (when women got to make the move), PoF, etc - all of which did no good for my mental health. So as a male, I already suffer from many popular trends applied to my sex; being expected to be the initiator for just about everything, to know all the social and sociological nuances to 'get it right' when every person is different and has different assumptions about what you'll screw up next... I don't know what to say. Even the captcha is shaming me for my apparent failure to comply with the status quo. I simply yearn for a tall, curvaceous member of the opposite sex to cuddle with, whom I can spoil rotten with company, gaming, and my brand of honesty. In exchange for much the same (if not moreso) and a bit of a nudge for co-op existence. I yearn for them to guide the relationship, because I? I am tired. Exhausted from my exertions in my attempts to reach out in what I'd call desparation. When will the morals of our genders flip just enough that they get that courageous fire in them to push?
// Edit: Don't know what happened with the formatting here. It just collapsed into a mess. Rather apt, because that's how I feel on the grand scale of things; helpless.
We are entering a massive technological revolution
Rennik Sadorn @kol_aspirant
commented on
We are entering a massive technological revolution
Rennik Sadorn @kol_aspirant
At the least it should be possible for someone to establish a Minecraft server with AI players running around - would be expensive to set up and run though, requiring [account quantity X price of Minecraft edition(s) + server upkeep] depending on how they go about it.
It'd add nuance and a lasting variable to the server's existence - and can be used to clean up abandoned places and odd structures by either taking them over or recycling them; paired with a plugin for region ownership to prevent the AI from griefing other users and spawn and you get an interesting situation.
Then again... we do have (or had) a Minecraft server representative of this site so if someone had the means it'd be an experiment worth running.
