Confessions

@yaasshat I would love nothing more than to drop everything and dedicate every day to self improvement but life keeps me busy and not busy at the same time if that makes sense. Like I think alot at work because I work alone cleaning stuff up. I rarely get approached by anyone unless I do it first. All my life I have to send the first message or say hi first to get the ball going. So I tend to overthink my life comparing it to others. My mom says I shouldn't do that because my life does not have the same situation as others but is better than some people's lives. I mean I worked hard to get my mom and I off the streets and got us a little apartment. It is falling apart yeah but it's home for now. The other people always had a family who stayed together and a nice house with an allowance. The kids who have it all. So I did not have the time to date or love someone. I wanted to but knew it would never work out with anyone because of my situation. I felt panicked to find someone soon but yeah it's desperation that kept love away.

My parents stayed together and shouldn't have, we struggled MANY times. Had everything? Hardly. Had enough? Sure did,well, excluding relationships with my parents, brother or sister. No one approaches me either, friends or otherwise. I take that back, my, what I'd call only friend, he did approach me. TOTAL opposites, but he poked until I opened up... Speaking of, he literally just texted me as I was typing this up. Anyways... It sounds like you've definitely had a tough life, but it also sounds like you haven't given up. I'd say that's doing alright. Sometimes you have to approach others first, you never know thier situations and they may have more in common with you than you think. As for romance? Meh... It's something, I guess. I do more online, because I'd have no clue how to approach another human in real life(Initially online, but always meet within a week.).lol I guess the real thing that you need to figure out is what makes you happy? You don't have to know at the moment and it will definitely be a journey. Relationships kind of mask things,but you, the individual, you still exist no matter what and YOU have to figure out what makes you, you. It's a pain in the ass and I'm still trying to figure that last part out, myself.XD Self improvement doesn't take dropping everything, it takes doing little things until everything changes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyqKy5P1Y0Q a hell ship landed perfect. not sur if i took a pick of bjork or sn15. both my problems. if you only knew.

in refection on of my cousin. why did he love to kill so muck, i think i know. he almost killed me this whole time. he never did though.

wu tang clan, i wish i was dead. ha, so ill tell you about my shit life tomorrow. lovely way to end this conversation .

im going to sleep, i dont care what my cousin thinks. she wont add me on fb. probably why im a fucked up person fuck sake. no oe adds me on that site. while my evil parents comment on my posts. i am like whatever at this point. fuck those trash.