Confessions

@doc i wish him luck lol anyone who can play that game in the state its in (especially in a pro scene) they have my respect

@Doc awww thats adorable c:

i confess ever since i saw myself in the mirror at a store, iv been insecure about my style i looked so..... guyish, but im so use to the tomboy/grunge-wanna-be look i'm not sure how to dress more girly ._. the girliest my style gets is a sweater and leggings ._. i need female friends for advice on this stuff ;~; (now accepting fashion-femme-frendo applications) also if anyone plays DragonML plox add me i need help opening gates

@baka NOW FINALLY KNOW WHAT THAT X ICON DOES. THANK YOU

I confess that this time of year is always a little mixed for me. It reminds you of all the wonderful things and makes you a better person for the most part and most people are cheery and it's a great time for being close to friends and family. On the other hand it also reminds me of less pleasant things. Probably because of the huge anime sale that I participate in every year around this time of year along with spending money on Christmas and the fact that it's the end of the year so it's natural to think about how the year has gone in the year that comes up. When thinking about how I am financially and everything else it just reminds me about how much of a waste and a failure as a person at my age. I don't make enough to be completely and consistently self-sufficient. Even though I live in a higher-priced area it's still pretty sad. Another big problem of mine is my basic lack/loss of motivation for pretty much anything. That's not to say I'm depressed but only one time in my life have I had what you would call a normal level of motivation or drive. Part of me feels like I need someone special to have that motivation again but I also realize that it is nobody's responsibility to be my drive or motivation. I'm not really looking for someone or expecting someone just show up and then motivate me to become a better functioning human being/adult. If it happens then it happens and the responsibility is pretty much all mine. My life isn't bad, not by a long shot but it's not good in the way it should be for someone like me at my age etc. This time of year reminds me of all the wonderful things past memories of the year but it also reminds me of all the ways that I fail and continue to fail. I know that I need to change and I know that if I don't change/don't change fast enough that I will most likely die alone and homeless. It's sad and depressing yet at the same time it's not really because it's just the way it is. If you don't continue to push forward then you fall behind and if you fall behind too long then you just disappear. The problem is mine, just like a drug addict, you need to want to set yourself straight enough otherwise all the help in the world won't fix it but the hard part is trying to find that motivation for getting motivation. It's not like I feel depressed but I have noticed over the last few years that everything I enjoy I seem to enjoy a little bit less with each passing year but I'm not gaining new things to enjoy. I still enjoy what I do and have but it feels just a little bit last for filling each year and I'm reminded of this every December.