Religious rants

Ephesians 5:11 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. https://media.tenor.com/n4o4I_wN4mkAAAAM/troopers-responsible.gif I be on they ass they hate me. I'm to crazy to be afraid. And, have to much faith in Jesus to bow to fear. I know where I'm going don't threaten me with a good time lol.

I said I would stop talking I lied. I realized all my prayers were stained in resentment and arrogance. It's hard to capture this thought in detail. In the moment my prayers may feel pure. But, let it go unanswered and the story changes. First the prayer comes then later the resentment for not doing what I want. Do this or I'm finished with you. Do this or I will quantify you as small. He's only Big when he's doing stuff for us. When he's not he's small to us. My prayers were stained in resentment and arrogance unknowingly I did not capture the true essence of God. But, now I think I get it. God is big and powerful and as the Creator it is his right to do as he pleases. I finally acknowledged that it is his divine right to do as he pleases and not as I please and that kills the resentment and arrogance and makes one humble knowing God does as he pleases and not what you want him to do. You can pray and ask for stuff but you must remember it's God's will not yours. I acknowledge his will is above my own and won't reduce him to something small and insignificant for not following my will. He's Bigger than us he still loves us even when we don't follow his will and fail him. But, when we think he failed us and don't follow our will it's a problem and we stop loving him. It's the Father and Jesus divine right to do as they please they earned it. Jesus shed his precious blood for us we have to trust there word is true that they know what is best for us. It all comes down to do you think the will of God is beneath your own to where you get hurt and take it personal and form resentment and be ugly to God when he doesn't answer to your will though he has the sovereignty, divine right, and freedom to do as it pleases or do you accept that his will is his own and completely above your own. If we humble our selves he just may grant the desires of our heart. But, if we don't acknowledge that God is God with a will above our own and knowledge and wisdom above ours the moment he doesn't answer to our will we wil reduce him to something small and insignificant. That's not humble that's arrogant. We can ask for things but know it is God will not our own. He will not bend to your will just because you throw a fit and forget about him or show your ass or resentment him. You just acting foolish and arrogant and can't believe his will, knowledge, and wisdom is higher than your own. His will is his will. When you talk to God know that he can do all things. And, just because he hasn't done it or don't answer to your will doesn't mean his is a incapable God. Our selfishness reduces him to something small when he created all we see. He can do it. But he follows his own will not ours so don't be butt hurt. Approach him humbly with your prayers knowing in your heart that he should not and will not bend to your will and you should hold no resentment. He is sovereign the Almighty Father. If it's in his will he will grant your desire. To God be the glory. Today I got a bit more humble thank you Jesus. I can start by saying if it's in your will God instead of saying this is what I want God so you know who in charge. Did I cook chat?

Just a rant. If anybody here ever decides to follow Christ and come under heavy spiritual attack and feel like he hates your guts. Remember this... Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Jesus loves sinners unconditionally. The foundational message of the Gospels is that Jesus came specifically to seek, heal, and forgive those who are broken by sin. Rather than waiting for people to become perfect, He extends radical grace and invites all to experience His love and repent. Jesus loves us while we broken while we imperfect he doesn't say fix yourself before I love you his great display of love is the same that remains today. It doesn't change because of your performance whether good or bad. God love is not rooted in your actions it's rooted in himself love is who he is. If our actions could change his love then he wouldn't of died on that cross. Before you say he doesn't love me think about who he is rather than who you are and what you done. God doesn't hate you he hates sin. All he asks is to have faith and begin to walk the path of aligning yourself with God in obedience one step at a time. Disobedience carry consequences but you are loved despite your mistakes. If your identity is in Christ and what he did and not in your failures and achievements and labels then you are clean as white as snow. Knowing your sin has been overcome by grace and you are a accepted child a new creation.

1 Peter 1:7 That the trial of your faith (being much more precious than gold that perisheth, though it be tested with fire) might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ. A tested faith is more precious than Gold that perisheth in fire. It's saying if your faith is tested in fire and does not perisheth it is worth more than worldy Gold. This proved faith will bring you and ultimately God praise, glory, and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed. They can't stop a black man who know the game boi. Narcissism and schizophrenia I have so many weak areas that can be exploited yet I still keep faith and fight valiantly with my sword of the spirit and shield of faith. I be bombarded with attacks they know all my weaknesses but still can't make me drop my sword and shield. They hate me boi the voices be saying they gonna cut my head off lol. Like I'm scared lol. I recently came upon some information to that could rock anyone world and faith but I still choose Jesus. That's worth something when you don't turn your back on him. I can purify my faith with that information but I can't trust it to others. Yes my shield of faith has faltered at times and let through some attacks against me and I lost faith in my shield but it wasn't the shield that was the problem it was the shield arm though my defense faltered I wasn't destroyed I was just injured and as a Christian on this battlefield I asked how could I get injured for this God on the battlefield and I began to be filled with resentment for my faith. Nobody wants to get injured we don't want to do battle were weary but then I remembered I do want to be here fighting for my God. It sounds good to fight for him on paper but the moment we get injured we curse his name. Injuries separate the warriors from those who will surrender to there injuries and put down there shields of faith and curse God name instead of cursing the enemy they run away from the battle doubting God's protection and already established victory they want nothing to do with God after they get injured real warriors stay and fight get back up and grab there shield after each injury they choose to trust God again and again and fight through the pain knowing there's a greater purpose behind there suffering they know the shield of faith can't be destroyed they just wasn't putting enough strength into it. You know what I did I put more strength into my faith and the shield reacted against each attack some times slow some times fast your strength is not wasted in battle I learnt from battle how to keep my shield up and firm and parry the enemy attack. Keep putting strength into your shield to meet attacks and with perservance you will keep yourself from getting injured and faltering. It's a righteous battle worth fighting. As a narcissist I never even felt the normal emotions human feel called love I feel like God is far from me and the enemy knows that and they prey upon my anxiety that God is not within me or by my side to help that I'm fighting a pointless battle that I'm doomed to lose yet I still raise my sword in the name of Christ knowing I'm am not forgotten that my sufferings and injuries aren't for not. The battle was already won by Christ so I should be fighting from a place of victory giving all my anxieties about defeat to Christ and putting more strength into my sword and shield. And, letting his perfect righteous protect me with the breastplate of righteousness that protects the heart from satan accusations. Edit: The shield of faith understanding just came to me while writing. I don't have much understanding of the sword of the spirit if anybody wanna jump in be my guest. I could mull it over but I'm comfortable just digesting this first. The helmet of salvation is crucial though. They try to make you think you battling for nothing so you falter. Maybe I'll talk more about the Armor of God when I get more understanding. All the pieces are important I have something to think about. Twas fun. If anyone wants to correct my understanding of the shield of faith be my guest. Here's a banger for all the soldiers out there. https://youtu.be/IR5_rTCi-Bo?is=DISspRacml2sDVWL Edit: Just got done listening to a pastor. I realized I'm putting myself on a pedestal by thinking my blackness is leading me to victory or my strength leading me to victory it is ultimately Christ strength who has already won the battle giving us strength. I know I owe the victory to Christ but I just caught the superiority complex from being black as if the victory is partially owed to it. Sorry I'm foolish. I'm still learning. I would be nothing without Christ. The victory doesn't come from blackness. The victory doesn't come from your own strength. The victory was won by Christ and our strength comes from Christ. Every color person can be strengthen like I have to do exceedingly more than I have. I owe all my victorys to Christ he's the reason I keep getting up. It's not about color it's about Christ within us who strengthens all to do great things. Though I was trying to understand the shield of faith I may have been arrogant in my understanding. It is a collaborative effort of us trying our best and God strengthening us more than we will ever know or understand. I still got some learning to do. Especially when it comes to being humble. Glad I tuned in to that pastor. If anybody has something to add be my guest. I can finally drop the whole my fighting strength comes from being black complex. Good riddance. Shit was blinding me. I was wrong my strength comes from Christ. To him I owe gratitude not to the color of my skin. He placed that dog in everyone. All that superiority stuff divides us so it feels good to come back down to earth. Anyway, now that I kinda understood the shield of faith my defense has become more robust. I now know I'm gonna get injured in the line of duty. I expect it now. I'm not confused why am I getting hurt. I just let the pain the voices cause pass over me like air. Because I refuse to let a injury define my love for God. My shield has gotten firmer and hurt is expected and I don't panic I accept the hurt and move forward thanks to the love and strength of god. I don't run from a fight and I don't go looking for a fight but I fight if I must ready and unweary.

The devil can inject thoughts into your mind. So if you ever struggle with thoughts that just come out of nowhere against God and you wondering where they came from it's the enemy not you. Of course you can have your own thoughts against God. I'm talking about the peculiar thoughts the thoughts that feel forced the thoughts that feel like some twitsted line of fate or code that shouldn't be apart of you seperating you from God. No matter how much you have thoughts against God. There's your thoughts then there's the ones the enemy planted. They want to interfere with the reality of your heart for God. They want to incriminate your mind with these thoughts. incriminated" describes someone who has been accused, implicated, or made to appear guilty. Your not guilty the enemy wants you to take credit for his doing he wants you to believe this darkness is coming from you. I said twisted line of fate because you can feel someone has there hand in it. Just know your not guilty if you ever experience those peculiar thoughts. Know your mind. Know what was forced upon you and what isn't.

I finally reached the point where I admit to myself I can't comprehend God. My attempts are just a small minded human trying to put him in a box I can understand. I admit God is more than the human mind can comprehend. I'm done putting him in boxes I think I understand. And, let God be God totally incomprehensible to me. I lean not on my own understanding. I just trust him at his word. I'm tired of these terrible ideas of God I put in boxes surfacing to contradict God. But, I didn't know how to stop them. That's because I didn't acknowledged that God is beyond my comprehension. Now I do. Now all the sticky boxes fade away. And, I'm left with a God I can't comprehend but I trust. Instead of saying this box is right about you in my hubris which is intellectual meaning I'm leaning on my own understanding. Now I switched to faith and trust and no conflicts arise cause now I understand God is beyond my comprehension. Realizing you can't completely figure God out frees you to trust him more. If you have God all figured out in your head you might not trust him. Totally leaning on your own understanding. God has many mysteries to him. His word tells us of his character and that's what I trust even though I don't completely understand. I acknowledge the difference between faith and intellectual understanding most of the times they collide faith fundamentally requires stepping beyond what can be proven or intellectually grasped. What I grasped was of no use to me if I call my self a man of God a soldier all it did was made me skeptical of God and collide with the truth of who he is because I don't understand intellectually. Or I understood a different truth about him. Now I understand his words are the truth regardless if I understand it or not. Now I have more faith and less conflict. I had a intellectual resistance to traditional faith. That's what was hindering my faith. I had faith my information was better than the truth. I had to acknowledge it's ok not to understand and that I may not be able to comprehend God. Faith comes first then understanding. The concept of "faith comes first, then understanding" largely stems from the famous theological phrase fides quaerens intellectum (faith seeking understanding). It means that you first accept God's truth through faith, which then unlocks a deeper, richer understanding of it later. I truly believe faith comes first then understanding. I haven't been trusting God and leaning on my own understanding. I thought my knowledge was better than his. But, now my faith is moving up hallelujah. All glory be to Christ. I pray one day I taste the wisdom and understanding of the Holy Spirit speaking directly to me. But, I trust God with the future his will not mine he knows best. Here's the video that spurred these thoughts today. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8GqxNd2/ Edit: Faith is not believing without any understanding. Rather, faith trusts God beyond the point where understanding runs out. Christians are encouraged to seek understanding, ask questions, and grow in wisdom. But when our understanding reaches its limit, faith says, "God is still true." Edit: I made plenty breakthroughs in many areas with this mindset. Instead of thinking God not worried about me like I always do. Now I think I don't understand how you worried about me but I know that it's true. I don't have rebuttals to the truth anymore. No faith and intellectual conflicts. Cause I know the truth remains truth higher than what I intellectually grasped. This is sick that as a narcissist I can comprehend trusting God and not leaning on my own understanding all Glory be to Jesus it's a miracle that my faith was elevated. Praise the Lord. Yall don't know what this means for me. Me a narcissist admitting the faults of my own intellectual hubris and truly trusting in God and walking by faith and trusting in the truth even if I don't understand it completely instead of putting God in a box and saying this the real you I know it to be true and it conflicts with what you say. It means the world to get closer to God especially when you have pride and ego like a narcissist making everything difficult. It's a miracle to get closer. I'm so greatful and truly blessed. I don't know how he could love someone like me I don't understand it but I know it to be true. I can finally express this with this new mindset instead of always thinking I will be forsaken cause I'm a narcissist. I'm filled with gratitude and awe from his love, kindness, grace, and mercy. Isaiah 55:8-9 8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. I don't understand how humans intellectual hubris can call others small minded and mentally ill for believing in Christ. Most people try to dissect Christianity cause they feel there ways is higher than his ways. I recently came upon some information that most people would run away from Christ with and begin dissecting Christianity. But, I'm no fool I know how to handle dangerous information and not let my mind run astray. I'm rooted in Christ. They think they can dissect Christianity and make it lose it luster to the common man. So you feel stupid for trusting God. They dissect and try to reduce it to something small that should be passed over. They tell you it's for small minds and the mentally ill because there mind is bigger than God such hubris. All because there intellectual hubris goes unchecked keeping them from having faith and coming to know the true infinite wisdom of God. Yep it's for small minds lol truly your mind is bigger than God such fools. Your silly finite mind is bigger than God's. Intellectual hubris is what is keeping people from God because they think they know it all. They don't even recognize or acknowledge a greater mind exists higher than themselves. They refuse to recognize his mind as being great because if he was great they are sure in there intellectual hubris they would understand it. And, they don't. Therefore he is a liar in there eyes because there mind is bigger than God's in there mind and there's nothing they can't understand. The fact that God don't fit there mental framework of good they think there mind must be greater than his. Understanding God's wisdom requires faith then the understanding comes. They say you small minded for acknowledging something greater than yourself. As if they are saying there's no God with greater intellect than us. They truly don't believe it and will not recognize it. It's a story they can never come to terms with. Truly intellectual hubris is killing faith. Few are humble to recognize something greater than themselves and trust it without fully understanding it. The limit of your understanding does not mean truth about God. I can't understand how your good therefore this is truth that I understand. It's just the limit of your understanding you step beyond that with faith and learn more as you walk the holy spirit is real and filled with God's wisdom. Why don't they want to taste real wisdom I don't understand. There are many mysteries to God and the universe just because we don't understand it doesn't make them not true. It's just the limit of our understanding. These mysteries remain true whether we can comprehend them or not. The limit of our understanding is often times mistaken for truth the truth does not cease to exist because we don't understand it. And, I think Jesus is the way truth and the life. But, that's just me many truths will be deduced by man not all holding weight so I guess it's whatever you have faith in. God truth threw his weight around with filling believers with the holy spirit so I know the weight of this truth it sits in many believers and they experience unexplainable peace and wisdom not all but some do that's enough truth with some weight behind it for me we can't do that as humans so what do I know. But, anyway thanks for coming to my Ted talk. A immortal being with all the time in the world can't possibly be smart lol humans only living for such a short time with finite minds but intellectual hubris trys to rival a God. It's funny. Oh how we revel in our intelligence with such hubris to think God might not be as intelligent as we are. That's crazy. You know how that sounds you think so much of your finite intelligence and think lesser of a God as if he is not more intelligent than us. It's so crazy crazy hubris. Are we the only intelligent minds? How big do you think you are and how small do you think he is? His ways are not our ways we think as if our ways are supreme.

My schizophrenia voices say they gonna cut my head off. Like I'm scared. I'm a narcissist if I die for Christ I'm going to heaven. Don't threaten me with a good time. That's just mean truly I was a man of God a decent soldier even with this affliction. There threats just let me know I'm on the right path. I'm not locked in her with you your locked in here with me and my God lol. They hate me boy omegalol. John 15:18-19 18 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you

I've been prideful. I'm glad I figured out the idolizing thing cause God will humble you. But, another area where I been prideful and arrogant is thinking demons are scared of me. That the voices are scared of me. They scared of God's power that rests on me. They ultimately scared of God and not worried or fearful of human strength. Michael is an archangel of immense power, yet he did not display overconfidence or hurl insults at the devil. He relied entirely on God's authority ("The Lord rebuke you"). Jude uses this to condemn humans who arrogantly think they can insult or casually fight evil on their own. It is the Lord power and mercy that I am not consumed. Not my own. I've been acting tough and haughty at these voices as if the power is coming from me. If the power stopped I would eat my words and be consumed. I boasted about my own bravery when I should of boasted in the Lord mercy and protection. I'm arrogant like it's my strength it's Christ strength keeping the danger away. And I'm out here provoking fights in pride. The authority comes from Jesus and keeping the law and I haven't been keeping the law perfect. This is still new to me so this is all I got that I understand I won't be speaking for a while about this stuff a narcissist with pride if I'm lucky and shut up and repent I might not experience a fall. Lord forgive me if I lead anyone astray I will shut up now.

The best thing about heaven is the fact we will be free from worldy temptation. We won't be tempted to sleep or tempted to have sex. We will be perfectly aligned with God at perfect peace and harmony with God. For those who don't want to give up anything wordly this might not seem appealing. Edit: Me personally I want heavenly values and heavenly scales so I know the things of heaven are worth more than wordly that passeth away. Most people don't want things like sleep and sex to pass away because they value it and devalue heaven for not having it. They try to use worldy scales to gauge heaven. How pleasurable and joyful could it be without these things. But, the heavenly pleasure, peace, and joy can not be compared to the wordly a fleeting thing.

Just had a breakthrough. I finally stopped letting my emotions dictate how I feel about God. I isolated the feelings and I told them idc how you feel about God or the situation you are not the judge of my God. Honestly got me and God f'd up. Even if he doesn't grant my request for a heart of flesh or makes me wait and wait and wait with that strong insane hurting feeling yeah I'm talking to you I tell that feeling to get off of God throne he is in charge hush your resentment about the situation personally I'll hear or partake in none of it. I trust God. What's meant for me is meant for me what is not is not. It's as the Lord wills it. I hurt deeply but my hurt doesn't get the final say about God. Edit: I feel stupid for trusting him don't care I feel hurt by him don't care I feel let down by him don't care I feel deceived by him don't care. I really don't care what these emotions have to say about God I'm a soldier and it seems I have acquired some backbone thanks to Jesus. Just like a soldier who must complete a mission you can't let emotions cloud your judgment and make you abandon the mission or fight like your heart and mind not in it. I'm not kicking emotions out of my life just off God's throne.