Shoniya's Heart

I used to have a workshop, however that place brings me bad memories due to some circumstances, so, here it is. The new workshop, here's a place where I'll place compilations of my short stories. They arent meant to be great or good, I just write stuff and try to improve over time, some of these works are super cringy, others are passable, hopefully you guys enjoy it. https://i.imgur.com/qfTIwQU.jpeg Here's the link where I'll post the stories, whenever I have updates I'll add them as different chapters to separate the one shot short stories. https://i.imgur.com/qfTIwQU.jpeg https://www.wattpad.com/1272158386-fragments-of-the-soul-cursed-souls

I really liked it! There were a few typos (expected) and a couple sentences that confused me, but all in all it was really good to me <3. Great work!

Added a third short story "The Void not Devoid of Hunger" this was meant to be made as the intro for Rafaelsanzio's MO themed visual novel https://www.wattpad.com/1272165567-fragments-of-the-soul-the-void-not-devoid-of

Is it a rewrite of the prolog to your “lifetime is a prism”? I only ask because I recognized the line about the robe looking like it was used in a magic ceremony. Either way it was really good, the second story sounds less melancholic (I guess in a certain way) and more like someone coming to terms with their situation. It’s very interesting

Fall Mother® @wei_ying I'm glad you pinpointed these two things, yes it's the prologue to the prologue you could say. I'm mashing up my ideas to make a story. The second part you got right is, this is a story meant for a series of stories I'm writing focused on the pain of gender identity and not understanding oneself, this is a work created directly from my heart.

Okay gave the first story a read and I'll go through what comes comes to mind: -"his brows were frowned" hard to visualize, you mean furrowed? Not sure of visual intent -"rasher" is a thick slice of bacon, which I am almost sure this was not the intended word. Noticing a lot of commas where periods could be put into place. During the interrogation you have some opportunities to describe other senses. For example, you could paint a visual by the interrogator shuffling, pacing, messing with papers, etc., or you can describe a smell to make it really immersive. It seems your writing style is more dialogue driven which is fine in itself, but keep in mind there are always more senses and tools you have that can really drive the story as well if placed in just at the right spots. The last sentence before chapter 1 I'm not sure if it's the narrator speaking or intended dialogue or a character's thoughts. Also, the POV switches from the prologue to chapter 1. Shifting POV is confusing and difficult to really pull off unless you a literary genius. I can't do it. I recommend when writing to just pick a pov from start to finish to make it more unified. All and all, the pacing was really good, dialogue pretty natural. As someone is a fan of a good revenge story I like it. Mostly I think it just needs a couple of more passes to fix grammatical issues, but it's a pretty solid story.

Mr. Salt @arc thanks!!! Many of these things are things I do in a rush and whenever I feel inspired I give them some more detail, I learnt from a book that a good way of making quantitative progress is by making short works throughout the days