Mental Illness (Mental Wellness)

Might be oversharing but I thought why not. I grew up with paranoid schizophrenic father and it effected me and my social life a lot. I believe I've social phobia as I dread any social events, talks, everyday stuff where you'd have some contact with people (even going to store by myself is a challenge, avoiding small stores under every cost)... In teen years, I've suffered anorexia (lost 30kilos and kept going) and still got unhealthy relationship with food however learning to cook and inserting vegetarianism as daily diet improved it a little. The reason why I didn't let myself get diagnosed yet is my fear of losing job prosperity as some employers run background checks/you gotta have good score on mental health.

Damn skippy! https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTdWENu3R/?k=1

uh I have extreme anxiety, I can’t stop overthinking no matter what I try and so I’m real shit at socializing. Especially when it comes to people I want to be friends with or care about. It’s like suddenly I don’t know how to talk naturally and I’m breaking into a sweat cause I don’t want to be boring or lame. The second I feel like something’s not right or that I did something wrong it feels like the end of the world for me. I can’t handle the feeling sometimes and I so badly wish I wasn’t like this. I’m trying to get better at coping with it and not disappearing but I’m scared of the feeling and of getting hurt so bad that I can’t handle it

I feel like I was reading my deepest thoughts from way back. I thought exactly the same way as you when I was on this website when I was very active like back in 2018. I hurt a couple of good friends on this website due to the same thoughts back in the day. To be honest I pushed the people away because I was afraid to getting too attached and getting hurt. I basically didn't want them to push me away if I got too attached as a friend and put my heart in a place where they could stomp it like people did in my past, so I decided to push them away first because of those insecurities at the time. I didn't realize how bad I hurt some of them but the damage is done and it's too late to change that now. Now I've overcome those thoughts so I can say for sure that you will overcome them too. It just takes time. It may feel you will never change and overcome but you will. It's just part of us growing up and realizing we don't have to let old bad thoughts control us who we are in our present moment.

Is there a way or something that specifically helped u get over this feeling? I’m really trying hard not to delete all of my social media presence from the internet bc I’m hating myself. I know some people I’m talking to deserve better but I can’t stand the thought of existing. I am scared of being discarded and that maybe they’ll see all the things I hate about myself and prove me right. Also thank u for putting yer input it feels good to know I’m not the only one who’s felt like this before.

certified cunt @tsumusmommy I think most people feel a sense of insecurity or anxiety when they are trying to become a part of any community whether it be in person or online. And its kinda funny in a way that many people here are trying to socialize and yet so many are anti-social or socially awkward. Sounds like you fit right in, TBH.