Its 2 am, and i should really be asleep

Just finished watching a few episodes of "the boys" i took a shower and now im just lying here having an existential crisis. Its lit af. Noticed i turned 22 and just reflecting on my life, i noticed all these years i have spent trying so hard to impress people. Trying to fit in, trying to be the popular kid, wishing people would like me, wondering why i have no friends. I blame my childhood for the way i feel sometimes growing up i never had anyone i was close with. Everytime i got close to someone we end up being separated. When i really started getting invested in the internet life. I tried to find communities and places where i could fit in. I wanted to be the cool kid, the guy everyone talks about. Way back before joining this site i was on google plus, i had alot of people that adored me there. Sort of the rush of always being the center of attention felt nice. Irl i was hated by people, looked down on, bullied, told by alot i wouldnt amount to anything. I joined this site with not much different in mind. My buzz from google plus died down. Years and years go by and i find myself here. Not really sure who the real me is. I guess when i was the real me no one cared, so i made a persona i guess you can say of someone who was always likable. But idk i feel more and more unhappy. Sometimes i wish there was someone who could notice me. I look back on moments in my life and think "wow it would be cool if people were around for this" or if "someone felt that way about this thing like i did". Life feels kinda dull and boring XD dont know if its my stress and depression talking but damn. I just think to myself who am i? If im not myself around family, not myself around friends, around lovers, around strangers. Where is the real me? Cuz each one is different. Enough rambling i guess idk what im trying to say tbh

I make friends at work. It doesn't work every time and it's not teh best but it's that or try to make them by meeting online??? Its possible. I've done it before. But it's also like meeting people from dating websites. You never know how crazy they are going to be. Oo

Heavy stuff Panda-kun. Very relatable honestly I've been there myself. But yeah you should nab some shut eye soon cause it's not healthy to stay up too late. Try and drink some calming tea without caffeine if you have any? That usually does the trick for me for the times I have trouble falling asleep. XP

Hope you can get some sleep tonight mane. Staying up thinking can turn into a nasty habit. Especially if your laying the beat down on yourself. I think our minds naturally evolve over time. I mean you probably listened to different music in your highschool years or like a food right now that you didn't as a kid. 5 years from now you won't be the same person you were today and I believe your identity will be more solidified by then.

I felt this at 22. A year later. I just think of this when I lose myself in the many ways I act. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n8j6z8fQ_c