Do you feel like in all the time/years you been here that you never felt truly part of this community?

@sir i kinda agree. im the person who's been trying to break the friendship wall unsuccessfully i think. although theres not really any place for me anyway. you're right i should accept my fate. problem is im not used to being alone anymore. literally the only close friend i have on this site is my roommate. and thats it.

I think its a bit unfair to blame the older users for not being able to find friends. There is only so much time and attention that you can devote to other people, so at some point the only thing an older user can afford to do is say hi. We definitely need more way to lower the barrier of entry for new users so that they can form friendships with each other.

You also need a way of keeping new users as they tend to last a day at best and also less of the look at me I’m popular threads of just pure self indulgent spam!

I agree that the site lacks direction and it has ever since it was conceived. It can be overwhelming to most new people and the self-loathing can off-put people. People tend to do the extremes of things such as loath and vent personal pains and then other people tell them to stop and talk about how good they are well the next month rolls around and they do the same thing. The wild wild west is fun and nice to see but that's just me lol. New people are also coming to meet new people and explore a possible relationship over time but hearing how no one progresses here is also a turn-off. I suppose some kind of direction could help keep new people here and funnel the long-term users to mingle with the noobs. Sadly I have no clear solution for this and I'm going to stop here as ad nauseam is encroaching. ps good point Tylor I suppose your a new fresh pair of eyes yes? aka new here.

Well that’s the main point right there it’s a dating site witch is not being used by people for the reason it was intended and when people do try to they are frowned upon by the long term users

Well, I'm not taking any sides here I'm just going to play devil's advocate. The site has lost it's original meaning and purpose and has been reshaped by the users. This happens to many forms of media. There is a take and give that needs to happen. The other end is that the site is too much of an echo chamber and they don't want the site messed with in terms of being a stable site for their uses. Now that I'm done playing devil's advocate I'll say this. The site and the people in it need to give up some comfort of being static to allow some small change and new people in the right way. Next, new people need to stay once they come in and not give up within a few days. If both parties can find a middle ground I could see a lot of new people coming and older users stay and still not feel overwhelmed by new people. I won't be too holier-than-thou about it because I use the site in unintended ways myself but I also try not to scare away new people. If I do it's unintended and not my goal. So like anything moderation on all fronts is key. Don't be too isolated and don't be too open.

new people would be nice. hopefully dr kittens and i wont fight. it wont happen again because i realized not posting is good.

Everything is reshaped by the people who use it. Initial purpose of a thing thus changes based on that interaction. The only way a site can go in the original direction or a new one is by moderation from those who can add or remove features. The creators see how those features are used and then remodel them for intended purpose. If a product or in this case site is open and forum like this is then the goal of it is also uncertain and changes based on each user. A community can redirect the purpose of a site etc but only if there is a large enough unity in the effort in the end.

So currently this site has different purposes to people. Some are really trying to find dates and go in a very straight forward way with it. Others might use it as finding friends. And some use it for laughs or other more lurker style entertainment purpose. And there are other reasons too. If there is no real unity or effort from a creator then each one should use it in the way they see fit but in a polite manner as you are interacting with people here, not npc's so to say.

I think most people tend to fall between the extremes. There was a thread a little while ago that hinted about a few people who formed relationships/close friendships so I think the original intent of the site is still functioning. On the other hand the people who have formed friendships here seem to be the ones that post more often and stick around. I think the problem lies in that there is nothing to grab new users who haven't found friendships yet but could make friends. Also, not to upset people, but I find that criticism on this topic often results in vague answers (which might indicate that the users themselves don't really know what they want changed).